Bobbi7 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 For those who have been in this type of thing-and you want to hook-up, yet they've gone cold on you all of a sudden-does this mean they are done with you? The last time I saw/heard from him was 5 months ago. His dating profile is still active, though, like it was when we we seeing each other. I'll probably have sex with a new guy in a few weeks-so that will make me forget about him and finally move on. Yet, its hard too after hooking up with him for 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 If you get into a relationship where you require nothing but sex, then surely you should expect nothing but sex. Isn't that the very nature of a " hook up" deal? No obligation beyond the physical. I don't understand people who can have sex for two years and maintain they feel nothing for their sex partner ( so I don't do it), but even I understand that when you get into this kind of relationship, you shouldn't feel the need to check their dating profile or wonder where they went. He doesn't want to see you. He wasn't your boyfriend. Stop wondering. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 For those who have been in this type of thing-and you want to hook-up, yet they've gone cold on you all of a sudden-*does this mean they are done with you? The last time I saw/heard from him was 5 months ago. His dating profile is still active, though, like it was when we we seeing each other. I'll probably have sex with a new guy in a few weeks-so that will make me forget about him and finally move on. Yet, its hard too after hooking up with him for 2 years. *Yes, thats exactly what it means. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I really don't get all this "hooking-up" business. Don't people go out on "dates" or go "courting" any more ?? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I really don't get all this "hooking-up" business. Don't people go out on "dates" or go "courting" any more ?? Apparently not. And people who expect to date and be courted are " high maintenance". There's always someone who will hook up when the high maintenance, crazy person wants to see you two weekends in a row and maybe get some dinner. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 It amazes me that anyone could be satisfied with so little. (If they are satisfied, that is.) 7 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I really don't get all this "hooking-up" business. Don't people go out on "dates" or go "courting" any more ?? Nope. A date nowadays is, "Come back to my place/go to your place to watch a movie (aka have sex)." 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 hot potato, Nope. A date nowadays is, "Come back to my place/go to your place to watch a movie (aka have sex)." Oh my goodness All I can say is thank goodness I'm not in the dating arena any more and thank goodness I don't have kids that are. No wonder the "civilised" world is going to Hell in a handcart Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 hot potato, Oh my goodness All I can say is thank goodness I'm not in the dating arena any more and thank goodness I don't have kids that are. No wonder the "civilised" world is going to Hell in a handcart I'm sure that isn't true for every guy, but this is very common. That's why I don't date much either. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) I'll take a stab at answering the question.. Firstly what do you and the partner consider a hookup? How often were you seeing eachother? I think i recall you saying it was a regular thing, with a friendship (FWB) and he suddenly vanished? Which after 2 years i think is pretty low. In general, without having much experience, I would guess it is fairly common. Thats why they choose non committed hookups, so they can move on at any moment and aren't pressured or obligated to be present. Edited July 11, 2015 by smiley1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Times have changed. Many of the women these days won't allow a guy to court them. They're too busy hooking up with random guys they met at a bar or online. 100% accurate post. Women are controlling this in my experience. (in younger age groups) In my experience, they all juggle a number of hookups and eventually, a more steady thing drops out of the collection of dudes. I figured "When in Rome.." and did the same thing. 2 of them have dropped out of the group of girls. A little stuck on moving forward, being the old man I am. Not even sure how to proceed. Logically, I suppose the best way is to just hang out/hook up more and more until they don't have time for the other dudes? Wow... dating in modern times is nuts! I mean, I just had one of the two commit to living with me for the next 3-4 months, yet, there is no actual commitment or official status. Apparently, we are "hanging out" or " hooking up" for a few months. Eh.. what are you going to do? All you can do is roll with the new culture and adapt... or go extinct like a dinosaur. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 I really don't get all this "hooking-up" business. Don't people go out on "dates" or go "courting" any more ?? I don't get it either. Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Times have changed. Many of the women these days won't allow a guy to court them. They're too busy hooking up with random guys they met at a bar or online. Partly why I avoided those places when I wanted someone decent. This is bizarre. I think the world has gone mad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 100% accurate post. Women are controlling this in my experience. (in younger age groups) In my experience, they all juggle a number of hookups and eventually, a more steady thing drops out of the collection of dudes. Sure men never do this Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Sure men never do this I'm pretty sure men of their generation do it as well. I can only speak from my direct experience, which isn't with men. The women do force this style of dating/courtship/whatever on me though. I had quite a shock, post divorce, getting used to this new way to pair off with people. Hot Potato mentioned that guys were doing the same thing earlier in the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Have we become so black and white in thinking and doing? Who decided this is the new way of the world of hook ups and dating? Last I checked , two people still have a say in how things "roll", and if that means courting or dabbling in the lets date without hitting the hay, it can be done. Just lets not assume that because monkey joe is jumping off the bridge that we must follow. Make your own choices ... Op- review Satu 's response. its accurate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 From my experience, I'd say it's pretty common. They DO tend to come back around, however. That has happened to me a few times, especially when I started dating my ex. Then they started trying to contact me again. I would try not to take it personal when they do this. They don't know you as well as an ex so it's not like it's an attack on you or anything. These types of people tend to like to keep their options open. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EEflags Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Times have changed. Many of the women these days won't allow a guy to court them. They're too busy hooking up with random guys they met at a bar or online. Partly why I avoided those places when I wanted someone decent. Exactly. Guys must realize this and must learn how to move in quickly without scaring her off. It's more competitive than ever for us guys so get your butt to the gym or do crossfit and get serious workouts. Looks matter and can be the difference of spending the night with a great girl or playing video games. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Share Posted July 12, 2015 I'll take a stab at answering the question.. Firstly what do you and the partner consider a hookup? How often were you seeing eachother? I think i recall you saying it was a regular thing, with a friendship (FWB) and he suddenly vanished? Which after 2 years i think is pretty low. In general, without having much experience, I would guess it is fairly common. Thats why they choose non committed hookups, so they can move on at any moment and aren't pressured or obligated to be present. We went out on a few dates at first-then he said that a relationship was taking a backseat. After that we just hooked-up. We would see each other every 2 weeks-at times I was more invested in it than he was. He didn't really care much about it-He would reply, I'm busy, I'll text you next time I'm free, etc, etc. He just stopped replying when I asked if he wanted to see me. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 We went out on a few dates at first-then he said that a relationship was taking a backseat. After that we just hooked-up. We would see each other every 2 weeks-at times I was more invested in it than he was. He didn't really care much about it-He would reply, I'm busy, I'll text you next time I'm free, etc, etc. He just stopped replying when I asked if he wanted to see me. I guess it wouldn't be a problem if you weren't more invested in it than him. I remember the same thing was happening to me around the same time, didnt hear from him for a long time and now he seems semi-keen again (he must have ended a few hookups and now has more free time). He never flat out ignored me though, just went a bit distant. After 5 months you really need to forget about this guy. It seems like you want something more than just sex, and you definitely deserve more than to be ignored for half a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 We went out on a few dates at first-then he said that a relationship was taking a backseat. After that we just hooked-up. We would see each other every 2 weeks-at times I was more invested in it than he was. He didn't really care much about it-He would reply, I'm busy, I'll text you next time I'm free, etc, etc. He just stopped replying when I asked if he wanted to see me. He meant what he said "a relationship was taking a backseat," and when you asked if he wanted to see you he didn't want to be cruel and say "no" so he just avoided the question. Sounds like he's interested in having sex with lots of women and not interested in pursing a relationship. OK. My guess is you probably started to bond to him physically and emotionally which is a normal reaction. If you want a boyfriend and not a sex only relationship then you'll need to cut this guy out of your life and look for what you really want. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 One thing I'd like to add is that, Like Loveweary posted, this is pretty much how the game is played these days. You can either beat em, or join em. It's very hard to try and live differently, but I eventually decided to do just that. The game has been played this way...for like 10 years...This isnt anything new. I got tired of it, and I've pretty much chosen to be single. If I date again, it'll be from happenstance and not from being in the dating world. Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 The game has been played this way...for like 10 years...This isnt anything new. I got tired of it, and I've pretty much chosen to be single. If I date again, it'll be from happenstance and not from being in the dating world. If it makes you feel any better I'd suck at dating in this new environment. Seriously. If I just met someone and they tried to have sex with me I'd slap them. LOL. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 The game has been played this way...for like 10 years...This isnt anything new. I got tired of it... More like 10 thousand years, dontcha think? Have you all not read On The Road, Electric Koolaid Acid Test, etc? The Bolos and Bozos, Haight Ashbury, Neil Cassady, Woodstock... and those are just from recent memory. Every generation seems to think that they invented sexual deviance. The reality is that sex was invented a long time ago, and it's a good bet that humans have been hooking up in every way imaginable since it first became popular... you know, way back, like before the Civil War. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 If it makes you feel any better I'd suck at dating in this new environment. Seriously. If I just met someone and they tried to have sex with me I'd slap them. LOL. lol yes More like 10 thousand years, dontcha think? Have you all not read On The Road, Electric Koolaid Acid Test, etc? The Bolos and Bozos, Haight Ashbury, Neil Cassady, Woodstock... and those are just from recent memory. Every generation seems to think that they invented sexual deviance. The reality is that sex was invented a long time ago, and it's a good bet that humans have been hooking up in every way imaginable since it first became popular... you know, way back, like before the Civil War. Did guys always expect sex on the first date, or not even a date? There has also been sex, of course, but there also was something called "courtship." Even way back before the Civil War there was something called courtly love, that was practiced at least be the upper echelons of society. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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