upintheair9 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Have been married now for 6 years. We dated for 5 years before I popped the question. Had our first child 2 years ago, the most amazing little boy you could ever want. I could not think of going a day without the little guy. The problem with my marriage is what I consider a horrible sex life I have pretty much given up on. Before we got married it was pretty good sex life around 3 to 4 times a month. Stayed that way for about a year and then went to 2 times a month and now at 1 time every other month. The 9 months she was pregnant may have had sex 3 times and hasn't gotten any better since his birth. She says she is always tired or fatigued, so I try to do everything I can to make housework and other aspects of life easier on her. I do all of the yard work, I take care of all the finances because she hates any part of that, I cook or pick up dinner at least 5 times a week, I do 90% of the dishes, 95% of the laundry and about 60% of the house cleaning. Every night I bathe my son and get him ready for her to get him to bed. If he wakes up at night I try to help out when she thinks I can put him back to sleep, a little mommas boy when it comes to the night soothing, but that's ok. I still try to help when I can. She is usually in bed and asleep by 9:30 while I am more of a 11:30 bed time. When I do get into bed with her early she is usually playing on facebook or reading a book on her phone and it really makes me mad because she has time for that and not our sex life. When she finally gets done with that she puts her phone up turns to her side and falls asleep. I can be laying there rubbing on the stomach or thigh and its like she doesn't know my hand is there. She has never been one to initiate sex and that was fine until a few times I was felt turned down on my initiations. The last few times I remember having sex was only after I gave her a back massage. The loss of sex has pretty much made me resent her and feel like I am a roommate more than a husband. I just don't know if I am not doing enough or not. Any thought? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I'd say you're doing a lot to help around the house, so I'm not sure why she's still so tired. Does she work or stay home with your son? Little ones can really drain your energy. Do you ever get a babysitter and go out? Any relatives to watch him while you get time just on your own? This is something I wish my H and did when our kids were younger . Like your wife I just felt tired to be bothered with sex, but I wasn't getting as much help around the house as you say. One thing I will say though , is that when we have talked about those times, my husband's perception of how much he did around the place is very different to the reality. I know it's years ago , but he seems to recall doing an awful lot more than I know he did. Other reasons might be her not feeling sexy right now as well. Perhaps she should see her doctor for some checks. I suggest you speak to wife in a nice calm setting and tell her your concerns. A few pointers on what to say below. - You're concerned about the fact that your sexual relationship is in it's current state - You love her very much and still very much desire her - You have heard about marriages, where the couple end up living like room mates and that's not how you want your marriage to be - You want the marriage to be fulfilling in all areas for both of you - Say you try as much as you can to share the load, because you've taken note of her saying she's tired in the hope that it would help - Ask if there's anything else you can do to make things get better - Discuss having time , even once a month where you go out on a date night. You can take turns to arrange it. Any spouse who hears these things should want to improve things. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 upintheair, a "problem" with sexuality is that it is part of the "human condition", which means that there is an underlying element of spirituality or "more-than-human" aspects that can be explored. Another "problem" is that a lot of people haven't yet connected the two -- sex and spirit. Or they think that it has to be science/logic OR religion/illogic; they haven't connected the two. This is a spiritual/religious take -- please do not click, or please do ignore or reject, if it does not fit with you personal life view/philosophy/belief system: How both men and women can develop a more mature attitude to sex Wishing you, your wife and your son the VERY BEST that Life has to offer, today and always...in every NOW moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 You're going to have to tell her that you want to have sex more often and that this is problem for you. By not saying anything, she will just think everything is fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 You're going to have to tell her that you want to have sex more often and that this is problem for you. By not saying anything, she will just think everything is fine. I agree. Let her know this pattern is not acceptable to you and the intimacy part of your marriage is not working. It's completely selfish of her that she isn't considering your feelings. I'd say you're doing too much of the heavy lifting in the partnership. Stop helping her so much. She should carry the workload at home too. Sounds like she's spoiled. When you do less - it will require her to do more. Eating out is expensive; why can't she cook? And she should know finances in case anything ever happens and you're not there. How old is she? Does she work? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 You have to talk to her & ask her what's going on from her end. She may have body image issues since the baby. If she thinks that she doesn't look good & she feels ugly, she will have diminished desire. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 It sounds like your wife either has a very low sex drive or a very low level of sexual attraction to you. Even before you got married she was only having sex with you 3 to 4 times a month. You describe that as good but most people would find that pretty dismal in a dating relationship. Most people who are young and in love and don't yet have all the trappings of marriage and children are like little bunny rabbits when it comes to sex. They can't keep their paws off of each other. What reasons does your wife give you for being so disinterested in sex? Link to post Share on other sites
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