I finally got angry

[nikki76]

Thank you all for the replies. It means a lot to me

 

I'm feeling ok today. I had hoped he maybe would apologize, but I know it's not gonna happen. Yesterday he kept saying how mean I am and that he didn't deserve that. In his eyes he's good, because he's doing the right thing like letting me go, because he can't give me what I want. And doing the right thing by working on his marriage. If you put it like that...yes, I was mean, and maybe he didn't deserve it.

 

But in the end I'm ok that it's over. And I hope I can be strong now. I know he won't contact me, so it's up to me now.

 

But he IS still contacting you. If he's so set on working on his marriage, he wouldn't be contacting you.

 

He's gaslighting you into making you look like the bad person. He's the married one. He needs to look in the mirror.

 

He's no savior to his wife because he's trying to "work on his marriage ". Please. Don't fall for that crap.

 

Don't expect an apology. He's not worthy of giving one. He's nothing but a creep that's trying to belittle you.

[I'mNotYours]

But he IS still contacting you. If he's so set on working on his marriage, he wouldn't be contacting you.

 

He's gaslighting you into making you look like the bad person. He's the married one. He needs to look in the mirror.

 

He's no savior to his wife because he's trying to "work on his marriage ". Please. Don't fall for that crap.

 

Don't expect an apology. He's not worthy of giving one. He's nothing but a creep that's trying to belittle you.

 

It was me who broke NC 95 % of the time But when I broke it, he was "on" again right away. But otherwise...yes, you're right.

[lemondrop21]

This reminds me of a breakup I went through years ago (not with a MM... a normal relationship). I acted like a raging psycho, I think because I felt completely abandoned. And then I felt SO embarrassed by it because it's not representative of the person who I am.

 

Through counseling and a lot of self-reflection, I've been able to get to a better place so that I no longer say things or act in a way that makes me look "psycho" when I'm angry (mind you I've gotten very angry at MM, but have been able to speak to him about it in a non-psycho fashion so that I maintain my dignity). I've found that I've been able to write down my angry thoughts in a letter, edit the letter, send it to MM, and not regret anything i said. In the past, I would have likely lost control a bit, sent a million angry texts, made very extreme statements, etc.

 

I think you are completely valid in having all of your angry feelings, please don't get me wrong. I just want to let you know that if you want to, there are ways to work on this, so that in the future, you won't go "raging psycho" on someone else and then feel embarrassed. I know you can do it!

[HappyAgain2014]

It was me who broke NC 95 % of the time But when I broke it' date=' he was "on" again right away. But otherwise...yes, you're right.[/quote']

 

Just remember... Every time you break NC you give him more control.

[ladydesigner]

That was exactly his words + "We didn't have to stop contact if you had behaved differently". It messes with my head. And I know I went psycho' date=' so guess he's right [/quote']

 

Please don't listen to this idiot! They use the same tactics on us (the BS's at home too), I actually started a thread on the infidelity forum here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/537169-dumb-things-ws-say

 

If you would like to start a thread here on the OW it might be cathartic. Maybe title it "Dumb things your MM told you"

 

Your example is perfect for that!

 

You are not psycho one bit

[nikki76]

It was me who broke NC 95 % of the time But when I broke it' date=' he was "on" again right away. But otherwise...yes, you're right.[/quote']

 

Yep, same here. I'M always the one that went NC. But i never blocked. Just did the old I'm done spheal. He would always contact me over and over and I would always give in, thinking, maybe this time would be different. It never was and it never will be.

 

That's why you need to make it impossible for him to contact you. Because the cycle will never end, unless you put an end to it. They will always come crawling back. Get your power back. Block him.

[privategal]

That was exactly his words + "We didn't have to stop contact if you had behaved differently". It messes with my head. And I know I went psycho' date=' so guess he's right [/quote']

You are missing the point. He carefully orchestrated a breakup at a perfect point where he could spin it around to be your fault making you feel it was your doing not his.

His behavior was ok...it was you that couldn't "behave" so it had to end.

Pleaasseeee spare me.

Open your eyes.

He manipulated you and I bet when u calm down he comes back as he knows your in your place now and you know not to question or upset him or else.

Hes dialing down your expectations.

Letting you know....be a good mistress...accept what I give you and don't put up a fight or expect anything or you will be dismissed.

If you want him back...go stone silent...and wait.

Your just being put in a corner right now cause you talked back. I give him a month AT MOST to throw out the bait, bgin fishing, and get you hooked again. On his terms.

[I'mNotYours]

He won't come back, unless I break NC. That's our pattern. He won't contact me first. He did that twice, and I did the the other times (and there were many). It was also him, who wanted to end the A in the first place.

 

We have never fought like this before, and he has never asked me to never contact him again. So maybe it's different this time.

 

But that's not really the point. I don't want him back. I want to stay strong, so I can get out of this for good this time.

[privategal]

He won't come back, unless I break NC. That's our pattern. He won't contact me first. He did that twice, and I did the the other times (and there were many). It was also him, who wanted to end the A in the first place.

 

We have never fought like this before, and he has never asked me to never contact him again. So maybe it's different this time.

 

But that's not really the point. I don't want him back. I want to stay strong, so I can get out of this for good this time.

Thats very telling right there...he's ok with you going away and not coming back...he won't contact you until you contact him? This should tell you everything you need to know.

I got a tatoo (he didnt like them) got a new job (he was stuck in the same old career he hated) started yoga (was working on strength and healing) I traveled and changed my whole world and burned everything to the ground (figuratively) moved furniture, redecorated, explored the city, changed music, updated my look, changed my phone number, closed my email, everything.

CHANGE EVER SINGLE thing you can. If its not cemented down...change it.

You only get one life.

Don't stay stuck. He's stuck.

Dont stay with him.

Right now he's BANKING on the fact that you will come running back...shock him.

Dissappear for good.

The day will come when you miss him, IT WILL.

Have a plan for that.

Have the last laugh.

He's a pompous @sshole.

[I'mNotYours]

Thats very telling right there...he's ok with you going away and not coming back...he won't contact you until you contact him? This should tell you everything you need to know.

I got a tatoo (he didnt like them) got a new job (he was stuck in the same old career he hated) started yoga (was working on strength and healing) I traveled and changed my whole world and burned everything to the ground (figuratively) moved furniture, redecorated, explored the city, changed music, updated my look, changed my phone number, closed my email, everything.

CHANGE EVER SINGLE thing you can. If its not cemented down...change it.

You only get one life.

Don't stay stuck. He's stuck.

Dont stay with him.

Right now he's BANKING on the fact that you will come running back...shock him.

Dissappear for good.

The day will come when you miss him, IT WILL.

Have a plan for that.

Have the last laugh.

He's a pompous @sshole.

 

But isn't it a good thing to let people go, if you can't give them what they want? In a way he made it easy by not contacting me and coming back for sex. If I had been strong, we probably would have been NC for 1,5 years now.

[privategal]

But isn't it a good thing to let people go' date=' if you can't give them what they want? In a way he made it easy by not contacting me and coming back for sex. If I had been strong, we probably would have been NC for 1,5 years now.[/quote']

 

Yes its a good thing, a very good thing.

So it sounds like youve made sense of that and are now prepared to make a fresh start. Kudos.

[FusionCutter]

You've been saying the same thing over and over in many ways for the past two years. I hope this time for your sake you mean it. Otherwise it will be another two years of the same thing. Over and over.

[I'mNotYours]

You've been saying the same thing over and over in many ways for the past two years. I hope this time for your sake you mean it. Otherwise it will be another two years of the same thing. Over and over.

 

I know and I hope so too. It's so embarrassing.