dandylioness Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Background: I met this sweet, funny, attractive guy a year ago rather unexpectedly and we were flirting heavily from day 1. He asked for my number and due to unforeseen work circumstances, it took us a couple of months to finally start seeing each other. At first, I thought he wasn't seriously interested because his text responses would be delayed by days and he had stopped asking me out after a few dates, but he would tell me he liked spending time with me (his excuse was: too busy). I told him we should remain friends because I liked him as a person and he refused to be friends - in fact, he was adamant about us being more than friends. He wanted us to go somewhere serious, were his exact words. So I went with it and we saw each other exclusively for 9 months. Then, I had to relocate a few hours away for a job that was temporary (2 months). He kept telling me we would work it out over distance, but then he stopped calling and his texts were curt and angry suddenly when I asked to see him. He basically made me feel as though I was getting in the way of his life. Out of the blue, 1 week after I drove hours to see him, he told me it was over. When I tried to talk things over with him, he got upset and told me he had met another woman immediately after I had left the place where I last saw him. [backstory on him: He's been in 2 serious relationships; in the first, he had proposed to her and she had cold feet and cheated on him and in the second, she said the timing was off and then moved away and became pregnant with another man's baby.] Present day: I established NC for a good 6 weeks before caving and reaching out by text. It was totally friendly and said congratulations on the opening of his new restaurant. No response from him. I spend 3 months getting my life back on track and feeling really happy and good about my progress. Then, I decide to call him to say hi. He called me back and we began talking like we used to. It was upbeat and fun. We laughed together. He told me to call him again because he liked hearing from me. He also invited me to his new restaurant to see him. A week after we talked again, I came down there with a friend. He was excited to see me. We talked for a while, making references to things we knew about each other in private. He said it was great to see me and gave me a general statement about when he was free. He told me to reach out to see if we could spend time together. My friend who was with me said the interaction between us was as though nothing bad had happened (mind you, she didn't know the whole backstory with us until later). She said it was obvious that he liked me and that I still liked him (of course, I do). But, it was a matter of...now what? So, I haven't been in touch with him for over 2 weeks. I have thought about seeing him from time to time, but I'm not sure if he really meant it when he told me to reach out to him to see if we can spend time together. HE hasn't reached out to me other than to text once to tell me he's been really busy. I don't want to plot or play games, but it seems like it would help in this case. I don't know how to approach this with a guy who's had his heart destroyed multiple times as he has. Also, the more important question is: what's the deal with the "girlfriend" that he met after me? No mention of her at all. I've never asked him directly, but based on how he's asked me to reach out more, I don't know if there is a girlfriend. Anyway, any advice on how to proceed would be much appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) You keep initiating contact and he has made no effort on his end. I don't see this going anywhere but I could be wrong. A guy pursues someone they are genuinely interested in. It's really that simple. I would lay off and let him move this "thing" along if he is truly interested. You've already shown him several times that you want to rekindle what you had and all he's given you is nothing. Laziness. Asking you to pursue him. You've done more than enough at this point and he needs to make a move. Edited July 11, 2015 by pidgeon1010 Link to post Share on other sites
MrWhite Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 The guy opened a new restaurant. I would assume the lack of time, bad communication, erratic behavior and choices, .... are due to starting a business. His current passion and efforts were towards the new business, not a relationship. Maybe now that the restaurant is open, he might have chilled out and "normalized". He now has time to do other things besides work. As of girlfriend, simply ask if he is seeing anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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