Hopelessly in Love with a Rastafarian Biz Owner, LDR between California and Jamaica

[JanaRas]

Hello All,

It's a complicated story. My ex-husband and I bought a simple, small farm in Jamaica some time ago. We also own a home in California. The plan is for me to move to Jamaica this year, while my ex stays in California. During my last biz trip to Jamaica in April this year, I met a Rastafarian business owner when I had lunch at his restaurant. It was love at first sight. We did not enter into a physical relationship at that time due to the nature of my trip (I went over with my 25 year old son and Deano, my love, had other people around him the entire time as well. I invited Deano to see my farm, which is about 15 miles from his restaurant. We agreed that he may use my farm to grow organic food for his biz and to eventually enter into a business deal together. Because he is an "almost" technology-free Rastaman, he had never texted in his life (only used a Nokia cell phone for calls). Before I left to finish up my business in California, I taught Deano how to text so that we could stay in touch between April and September (when I return). After I left, we started to profess our love for each other via text and a couple of weeks later via phone calls. HOWEVER, he has never been a big fan of texting and he is the Chef of his own restaurant, meaning that he is in the kitchen 12 hours per day, 6 days per week and he has very little time. The only day he can make it to my farm is on Sunday (his only day off). His van broke down and I offered to pay him $1200 in repair costs just so that he could get around to work and to my farm. But he has only made it up there 1x and he doesn't text on Sundays or any day after 9 PM his time, meaning he turns off his phone right after work. In the beginning of our LDR he would text around 5x a day, now it is only 1-2 times and I have told him that in order for a LDR to work, we have to be engaged in better communication. He tells me that I'm his Queen and if I loved him, I would trust him and that he gave me his word. But I told him, I still have to have this connectivity with him. For example, when he texts me sweet lines like "is my queen still sleeping" in the morning or "queen, I'm thinking about making love to you at the farm" during the day. He used to do that during the first month of our LDR but now I can barely get him to text me once and I always initiate phone calls or texts. I have sent him frustrated texts before with a short-term improvement but it really bothers me that he is not available at night, after work and doubts are creeping in. His restaurant is very popular with locals and tourists and he is a very charming man. He is not married but had a on-off-girlfriend, which worries me. Plus the fact that he is not even using the van I helped repair for to do something with the farm as first agreed upon. He now says that the van broke down again but I told him that I don't have any money at this time. I am expecting to come into a settlement money in 3 weeks and he knows that, but I don't know how much it will be. So, I really don't know what to think anymore. Is he using me? Is he just not into texting but counting on telepathy as a means of communication? Is he involved with other women but just keeping my fire lit enough and string me along? I'm so confused. I texted him many "final" texts as to my not being interested in mind games when it comes to his sparse sparse texting and calling habits. He usually texts me the next day again, addressing me as "queen" again and me being stupid and forgiving replying. Should I go into a no contact rule for a while? Btw, he is 40 and lives with his Mom, his grown son, a niece and nephew at a Rasta compound. He also smokes a lot of weed (perhaps the reason for no communication after work). I'm 46 but fit and younger looking. I'm also a strict, conservative Rastafarian. Has love made me blind to a wicked game or is he just not into using technology?

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Blessings;

Jana

[casey.lives]

go see him

[JanaRas]

Thanks, Casey. I wish I could but I have to wait another 2 months. We are complete opposites. He is introverted and patient and I'm extroverted and extremely impatient, especially when it comes to texting/calling. Ugh

[Tayla]

I think you are using each other. Stop the money exchanges.

 

I've been to the beautiful island and hope to go sgain. Each time though was a rush of locals that wanted the "american" experience. It gets easy to spot there, surprised you were lured into it.

 

Go see him but dont expect that he had the same underlying intentions as you.

 

What are you farming?? Some areas are breath taking!

[JanaRas]

Hi Tayla,

Thanks for the input. I believe I may have been used and that his "feelings" for me only held true when it came to funding a few things he needed. Sad to say. I'm farming organic fruits and vegetables for use in Ital (Rastafarian) restaurants and food stores.

I hope my suspicions won't come true.

[JanaRas]

I'm so happy (on top of the rollercoaster)! While i had planned on imposing a "no contact rule" after I wrote him 2 pretty upset texts last night (pretty much breaking up with him), something overcame me today and texted him how very sad I was. And (not expecting a reply), he texted me within 2 minutes saying "be calm my Queen, everything is good". I cried and cried in relief. He also texted that he can't wait to pick me up from the airport in 8 weeks. Thank you all for your support.

[Satu]

You've fallen into a daydream.

 

Reality will make its presence felt in due course.

 

Buckle up.

[JanaRas]

Hello,

Thank you for the input. I actually made reservations for the flight in September. So it is a reality. I just have to learn to trust in the weeks apart.

Have a blessed day.

[SycamoreCircle]

Gal,

 

If it no go so, it go near so. Rasclot him me say. Mind me tell you him got pickney. Me nah look 'pon you when him pull the wool straight over your eyes, dreadlocks alive like a snake.

 

We know the night is no friend of us.

[JanaRas]

Hello,

We both have children from previous relationships and he is a Nyahbinghi Rasta like myself. We both have dreadlocks and making such negative statements about all Rastas is pretty biased, don"t you think?

[SammySammy]

I'm so happy (on top of the rollercoaster)! While i had planned on imposing a "no contact rule" after I wrote him 2 pretty upset texts last night (pretty much breaking up with him), something overcame me today and texted him how very sad I was. And (not expecting a reply), he texted me within 2 minutes saying "be calm my Queen, everything is good". I cried and cried in relief. He also texted that he can't wait to pick me up from the airport in 8 weeks. Thank you all for your support.

 

I don't know what's going to happen with he and you, but I don't think the drama helps. Calm down. Pour positive behaviors and attitudes into your relationship. The fear, distrust, anxiety and frantic demands may have him second-guessing also.

 

Be calm, mon. Peaceful. This is a Rastaman afterall. Right?

[JanaRas]

Hello MidKnightDreams,

Yeah mon. True, sometimes negative thinking on my part add to the tension. I will keep up the positive attitude now. Thank you for the encouraging thoughts.

Bless up.

[justwhoiam]

The plan is for me to move to Jamaica this year

Does that mean you'll be living off your Jamaican farm? What kind of yearly income did you use to have (in your household)? How much are you currently making with the farm? And how much do you expect to make from September on?

 

We did not enter into a physical relationship at that time

I guess you rushed things professing love through texts. I understand the need of keeping him tied to you somehow, but you had to proceed slower.

 

We agreed that he may use my farm to grow organic food for his biz and to eventually enter into a business deal together

I say: keep business separate. You want him to be with you for who you are, not for what you own or for what he can get from you. Stop funding him. He owns a busy restaurant full of tourists, he should make a lot of money already. Who's gonna look after you while aging (aka: you need money).

 

he is in the kitchen 12 hours per day, 6 days per week and he has very little time.

Are you ready for that? You won't have vacations away anymore? No get-aways? No weekends anywhere for the rest of your life? Are you ready for all that for the rest of your days?

What kind of life are you used to? Will you work at the farm yourself or just have other people working at it?

 

he is not even using the van I helped repair for to do something with the farm as first agreed upon

So, he's asking you to trust him when he's already showing you he can't be trusted. Can you see it?

 

I am expecting to come into a settlement money in 3 weeks and he knows that, but I don't know how much it will be.

Is it money arising from the divorce? You should save it for the lean years or a rainy day.

 

Is he using me?

Probable.

 

Is he just not into texting

He got comfortable.

 

Is he involved with other women

Maybe. What is his lifestyle after all? I mean before meeting you. He's probably sleeping around, isn't he?

 

keeping my fire lit enough and string me along?

Yes, you can be a precious resource. Willing to give him big money for free and you're not even in a relationship yet. You know nothing about him. And you never had sex with him, and it might be different from what you expected.

 

Should I go into a no contact rule for a while?

You'd be causing yourself even more pain.

 

he is 40 and lives with his Mom, his grown son, a niece and nephew

How old is his son? And what about his niece and nephew? Don't they have parents? How old are they?

 

He also smokes a lot of weed

Are you OK with it long-term? Where it could increase and not lessen?

 

I'm also a strict, conservative Rastafarian.

I'm not sure what that entails. Maybe you feel like explaining.

[JanaRas]

Hello JustWhoIAm,

Thank you for the detailed reply. You are right on many of the points, most of which I'm wondering about myself. As to the settlement, no it has nothing to do with divorce but damages suffered. The settlement is likely going to be high. His niece and nephew are orphaned. His brother passed away at age 43. So he took them in. My only gnawing feeling/intuition at this point is that he may have a problem with weed. After a long workday, he told me that he smokes it with the last guest/friends (it is legal there now). I believe he crashes shortly after going home. I just spoke with another Rasta friend of ours who quit 2 years ago and at the end of his ganja days, he used to act just like my love. So this may be our biggest problem. This could be the reason he doesn't make it to the farm on his only day off. Could I live with his schedule long term. No, he definitely would have to hire another chef and do most of the farm work. He never asked me for the repair costs or other gifts but when i suggested that I help with 50% of the costs for the vehicle, I told him that I would want him to get up to the farm on a regular basis. I honestly don't think he is a cunning hustler to take advantage of me but he's also not to proud to accept help. Most of all I now believe that he is not a very motivated extrovert. He does his daily routine (which does not include the frequent use of technology) and he doesn't feel comfortable talking about feelings. It is what it is. Only time will tell. We have 8 more weeks in LDR and when I'm over there, I have a number of friends and I'm also independent with my own biz van. The lifestyle is what I want. Simple country. I live in the desert (country) right now, so my living conditions will not change drastically.

Thanks again for the input.

[justwhoiam]

His niece and nephew are orphaned. His brother passed away at age 43. So he took them in.

So he's responsible for them? Not the grandmother? Who's the legal tutor?

 

My only gnawing feeling/intuition at this point is that he may have a problem with weed. After a long workday, he told me that he smokes it with the last guest/friends (it is legal there now). I believe he crashes shortly after going home.

And that means possible accidents while driving, which would scare me a lot. That reminds me of a guy I knew of who used to smoke a lot of weed, during weekdays too (from a place I worked at). In the morning, he was always very sleepy. One fine morning, he sideswiped his car on the wall while exiting his garage. That says a lot on how sleepy he could be. And it can get really dangerous. Also, he was very young, in his 20s, but with a bad tremor in his hands, due to heavy smoking.

 

he definitely would have to hire another chef and do most of the farm work.

It's better you hire someone for the farm work.

 

I honestly don't think he is a cunning hustler to take advantage of me

Taking advantage doesn't mean he actively looks for that kind of deal. But if presented with the right chance, he grabs it.

 

Good luck for everything