My Very Dysfunctional Family

[Miya0722]

Hi- I just moved back with My Parents after being on my own since I was 18.

 

I was out of state and would have preferred to stay, but finances have forced me back to this position.

 

Here it is-

My family is composed of a couple sisters and my Parents.

My family is always gossiping about the person encountering the most problems in the family.

I was able to escape it from 18-30 with a lot of healing in between.

Now, my family no longer knows me and I am the newly "Identified Patient"

Meaning I am the focus of attention of the family and I resent this feeling.

 

My family is overly-zealous in religion, to the point theat they are extremists. If I do not constantly engage in Religious conversation, the think I am a bad person.

My Mother flashes crosses at me in general conversation, I think it is damn near crazy. My sister asks me if there is something I am doing wrong which might be hurting my soul. What the....? I simply moved cause I could not make it anymore on the salary I was making. It is hard to be single in a very large city, so I am trying to go back to school. In the meantime, I am so very different from my family. My differences seem to make them to think I am in some way evil or a Loser. This is the same family that sent me pamplets on hell one Easter when I had just broke up with my ex-fiance.

 

 

My Mother flashed this cross at me last night when I was doing some study prep. She wanted to share with me where she got it, but she scares me man.

I need to escape this family to ensure a healthy future.

 

At what point do you cut off your family. Only thing that really suckds, I am stuck in this situation for a little while.

 

Please advise, books. Anything, I need to make it through this with out falling into some major depression. My family really breaks my heart, they are a mess.

[Firesqueak]

my advice is just to let it ride and save up until you can move out.

 

I love my mom, but I can't live with her, so I know where you're coming from.

 

Just try to keep your chin up.

 

Your family is a bit odd- your mum flashes crosses at you? Have you tried to tell her how it makes you feel? I sure would! :-)

[Miya0722]

Well-Thanks for your reply.

I try to spend very little time here.

 

As for the cross, I would address it if was worth pursuing.

I can predict her response would be, Oh I was not holding it up in your face on purpose,. and then she would say...do not be paranoid. I have been threw here trap too many times. Then she would tell the whole family and I would wonder why no one is calling me anymore. It is just beyond belief.

 

 

I have an issue with this, cause she once spit on me when I was very young. She spit on me because I threw a necklace with a cross on the coffee table. Not knowing what I had done, she spit in my face. Everyone sees my Mom as this sweet women, I am afriad I never will share the same view. So I am the estranged one in the family.

 

I just want to make it through....I really can not deal with her anymore. She brings out everything that is negative in me.

[Complicated]

Hey there,

 

I was reading your post because I have family problems myself and it bothers me as well. I do not, thank God, have religion as a problem in my family. I tried to imagine what possible religion your mother would be involved in that would account for her behavior. I haven't a clue.

 

I moved out of my parents home right after high school. My mother used mental games as a why to hurt me. For instance, she told me that she was going to kill herself because of me, after a small agrument. I have enough problems of my own so I left. Out of sight, out of mind.... Right?

 

I know what these situations can do to a person. I have major depression. I have extremely low self-esteem. I love my mother with all my heart but I could never live with her. I believe that's the reason why I can't hold onto relationships, I hate myself, and I seem to hate everyone is because of these mind games. It took its toll and I pray that you won't become like me.

 

I have seven brothers and sisters. They all carry different personalities and the fighting is consistant.

 

All of this bothers me terribly. I think about it 24/7 because I was always the one that tried to get everyone to get along.

 

I know what it is like to be financially in trouble. That is the story of my life. I am behind several months on all my bills. I live with a friend that I fight with constantly yet I have no where to go.

 

I get through everyday by telling myself what a bright future I will someday have. I work 10 hour days. I am studying for a degree. I have farm animals to take care of. It would have been so easy to get rid of everything but for instance the farm animals (horses, dogs, and cats) are what I value in my life so I can't dispose of them. I believe them to be the reason I am still hanging on.

 

Now, my advice is to find one thing that is meaningful to you. Not a job, not a school, not a person, not a religion. Something you truely love to have or something you love to do and put forth all your extra time in that. Become proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. Perhaps joining a club, reading books, volunteering somewhere. Something that you can accomplish and in the end being proud of yourself.

 

This is about "you." It is your life. I know you have no other choice but to live with your parents and finish school. But you have to find meaningfulness in your life or else you will find yourself questioning the point in it all. Don't become like that. I was and still am there but I work so hard to bring myself up.

 

 

I pray that you will find the peace you so much deserve. Good luck to you!

[Firesqueak]

You know, you can find a cheap one bedroom apartment, plus, if you are in really hard times, there is HUD.

 

I'm not sure that issues can be resolved with a woman like that. I have recently read, "Toxic Parents," which I recommend to you. It has made a big difference in the way that I deal with my own parents.

 

It seems that with her, you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Your family seems much the same way. It is hard when you have an ultra religious family, and you yourself do not believe as they do.

 

Sometimes, the best way to deal is to stay gone frequently. If they try to give you any grief over that, just tell them that you are very busy, and that you love them and don't mean to be rude.