IUfan1978 Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Just a question here....... I was friends with my ex for over six years before we dated. We dated for around 2.5 years. We broke up last April and she called me everyday for the last year. Right after the break-up I did all the usual crap; flowers, cards, long love letter, etc. I gave that up and we remained close friends for this last year. Well a few weeks ago she asked someone out on a date. I thought I was under control but that really hurt. So I tried to fight through it but I was becoming bitter and worried I would ruin the friendship forever. Obviously I still love this woman. So this weekend I wrote her a letter saying that I love her with all of my heart, I am tired of the games, I need time and space to heal and accept this new direction and I am sorry that I ever took you for granted while we were together. I am not doing this with the intention of her wanting to get back with me. As I told her I need to do this so that I can deal with my hurt and not ruin the friendship by becoming bitter. As with everything else in life I would like to know if this ruined any chance of reconciliation in the future. I figure it is like quitting a job, you always want to leave on a good note becasue you never know what the future may hold. My real worry is that something like this would anger her to the point of losing her friendship. I made it clear that I wanted to maintain our friendship in the future and she is still my friend but I need this in order to make it work. I intend to work on myself and meet new women but I do plan on contacting her again when I feel in control of my emotions. I don't know if there was a question here or if I just needed to tell a bunch of random people my story to see their opinion. We broke up amicably and I am still very close with her sister and bother in law. I feel that I approached this is the correct manner. I started reading some posts on NC and I am suddenly doubting myself. Does anyone here have any opinions on this matter? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Nah, screw it, go ahead and do it. Who knows what will happen? If nothing comes from it, so be it, if something does, it never would've if you didn't go for your gut. Everyone else will say not to do it, though, so I'll be the only one with this advice. You sound like you've got your head on straight, though. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin Nah, screw it, go ahead and do it. Who knows what will happen? If nothing comes from it, so be it, if something does, it never would've if you didn't go for your gut. Everyone else will say not to do it, though, so I'll be the only one with this advice. You sound like you've got your head on straight, though. I actually agree with you in this case. A one time occurance is ok. It's like saying I still love you, but I need to move on from this place, so unless you want me, i need NC. But expect a bad outcome from it. If you dont regret it, then all is good. It would be different if you kept giving her flowers and presents only for her to slam the door in your face. If you're repeatedly doing the same thing, then it's bad, and you're not moving on. That is where NC comes into play. Say it once, and let them think about it. And hope that it'll change their heart and mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IUfan1978 Posted May 3, 2005 Author Share Posted May 3, 2005 Yes, you are getting to the reasons that I decided I needed no contact. She would ask me to buy her stupid little presents that I used to buy her when we were together. For some reason she had an obsession with Pottery Barn Kids seasonal stuffed animals. So I would always give in and get them for her. Well I dropped them off at work this last time and I talked to her co-worker. She told me that my ex made it clear that I was going to buy these stuffed animals for her so no one else would. Well that was a wake up call. I was keeping myself in the same old rut without moving on. I needed that on top of her starting to date others to kick my head in gear. Like you said, I am not expecting a reunion from this no contact. I am expecting to heal myself away from her and resume a friendship when I am ready to just be friends. I told her to stop telling me we might be together in the future because it just keeps me hanging on to hope. The hope gets crushed when you tell me you are looking for other men and I just become angry. Man, this site is nice to vent to as well as get advice! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by IUfan1978 I told her to stop telling me we might be together in the future because it just keeps me hanging on to hope. The hope gets crushed when you tell me you are looking for other men and I just become angry. OMG, now i'm *PISSED* and i dont even know this girl! Dont buy her stuff!!! If she doesnt want to be your GF, then she doesnt deserve you buying her this stuff. NC all the way!! hehe sorry, i'll stop ranting Link to post Share on other sites
Author IUfan1978 Posted May 3, 2005 Author Share Posted May 3, 2005 HaHa...Thanks, that made me feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
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