hauntedsoul Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Things have been rocky in our relationship for a long time. Constant arguing about anything and everything. This isn't the first time he has left. This is the 5th time he has left me. We end up getting back together to just go through the same things. The last time he left, which was end of May this year, I asked him to leave because I found out he was pursuing women online. I let him come back and we agreed to try marriage counseling. We were only able to attend one session so far. We set up a treatment plan to help with anger and to get back that closeness we once had. We set up our next weeks appointment but had to reschedule it. Our marriage lately is nothing but yelling at each other and all the anger toward each other, which is why we were attending counseling to help us. Every time he leaves, he tells other, especially other women he hasn't been happy in a long time. He is miserable and depressed, talks about how mean I am, and name calls. This really hurts for him to say these things. He does it every time and I don't understand why he has to say such mean things. I am not perfect in any way. I have my flaws and I am trying to work on fixing them. I have individual counseling set up for myself. Every time he leaves, he goes back to pursing women online. I wouldn't doubt he is doing it now too. It's very hurtful. All that ever runs through my mind is, "why am i not good enough?", "how can he sit there and pretend to be happy and say he loves me?", "why does he tell me he'll never leave?" I have a million and one things that go through my head that I can't function for a minute. One of the biggest issues in our marriage has always been his mom. She and I never got along. Our relationship is much better now but she's still a big issue. She can/does encourage him to do things, or gets things in his mind of what he should do, etc. I just don't know what else to do. I love this man with all my heart. He's my first love and first marriage. We have been married almost 10 years. It hasn't always been easy but we have made it through. I do want him back. I want our marriage to work. It's so hard because he won't speak to me right now. I want to fight for our marriage. I just don't know what to do about how to handle the situation right now. Thank you all for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 What you should do, and what I think you're going to do are two entirely different things. What you SHOULD do, is file for divorce. This is flogging a dead horse, and frankly, I fail to see precisely what it is that you want to salvage. What I think you're going to do, is to keep flogging the horse until the day you die. If the prospect of that leaves you cold, and full of dread, see my first option. I honestly think it's all you've got left. Salvage what dignity and life you can, before this thing swallows you whole and leaves you in an empty, dark, pitiless and desolate place to nurse your broken emotions in. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) You're stuck in a loop. The same things happen again and again, and every time you go around the loop, it makes you feel more empty and more dispirited. It could carry on that way forever. It is *possible* to break out of that loop, but both of you have to be totally committed to it. It's easy enough to see that your husband isn't committed to it. You should focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. Get into medium to long term therapy, and deal with your part of the loop. The loop is something that you co-create with your husband, but you can withdraw from the process. I very much doubt that he will ever be any different. Divorce is your best option. Work on yourself. He is a lost cause. Take care. Edited July 12, 2015 by Satu 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amas5750 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Darling he is treating you pretty badly. Things will drag out and be the same as they have been for as long as you continue in the relationship. He leaves you, he Perseus other women.. He doesn't seem sorry. You probably feel lost and like you've lost yourself. Is there anyone in your life that can mirror back to you who you really are, even if you've lost sight of it? Family or good friends? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hauntedsoul Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 He hasn't told me this because we haven't talked since he left but he told another person this. He said he did love me but the love fell apart because all we do is fight and argue. I remember hearing another person say that recently. He said he doesnt love me not anymore. How can someone just STOP loving you? If he didn't love me, why was he telling me every day many, many times a day until he left? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Because that's what people do when they try to make themselves believe something, when they don't want to know, or they fear facing, the actual truth: He wasn't telling you to reassure you. He was telling you to try to convince himself he did. It failed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 He is mentally and emotionally abusing you and you are letting him. He knows from the past four times or five times including this one that he can do whatever he wants to and you will take him back. It goes against your instincts but the best thing you can do is give him some real life consequences that will include the financial aspects of divorce. See an attorney, file for divorce (you can stop it if he starts to stop the crap and you believe it). Right now you are in what is called the "pick me dance" and that does not usually end well for men or women. You need to knock him out of his delusionary life on online pursuit of women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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