NEED dating advice!!! Stories Welcome!

[SummerRae]

Need some guys advice! I have been on a date w/ one of the guys on our baseball team. I’ll try to be quick....

 

 

He’s a really nice guy, really funny, etc... We have been emailing each other back and forth and then after our I thanked him. Saturday night, I had a couple and told him that I had a crush on him. I had to be honest with him, or at least I felt that way. :-) Then I said, “I’m sortof embarrassed now.” And he said, “don’t be. I had a great time with you.” (things were nonstop laughter and smiling).

 

 

 

The next day he asked me to call him when I got home from my hike, so I did. And he invited me to a BBQ at his house. I said “no” that I just wanted to stay home and “lay low.” The next day he didn’t email me at all and I didn’t email him. Then late, late last night he emailed saying he wanted to go for another run with me. And today he’s been IMing but it’s all jokes and fun. Which is fine, but I guess I’m feeling sortof vulnerable now that I’ve told him how I felt and stuff.

 

 

 

I just don’t want him or me to be weirded out by it. He’s just a plain great, honest, funny guy (and gorgeous too!) and I haven’t had these kinds of genuine sparks for soooo long. (Besides fleeting lustful feelings). On our run, both of us were just nonstop talking and smiling, the conversation just flowed sooooo great.

 

 

 

My question is: now should I just go with the flow and hang out with him, or should I continue to be 100% honest about what I’m feeling. He is a very sensitive guy and a little shy too. Is it bad to just ask if he has any romantic feelings, or if it’s "all friends" type of thing?? Or should I wait?? If I should wait, how long??? I just don’t know.

 

 

 

I’m sooo bad at this relationship stuff. I feel like I’m just sooooo scarred of putting myself out there. So scared of rejection... especially since he is sooo nice. And I guess I need to know that he feels the same, even though he is showing that he does. I guess, I’m more of a verbal girl.

 

 

 

What do you think?? Any insights into the male psyche or stories about past experiences would be greatly appreciated!

[laRubiaBonita]

i think you are over analyzing EVERYTHING way too much!

 

Just chill, be you- and if that means validating your feeling 24/7 well i think he should be aware that that is who you are.......that would certainly bug the hell outta me.

[Artscrafter]

Male perspective? Okay, here you go.

 

He's interested in you to at least some degree. You've already been on a date together and he wants to see you again. That's a good sign. It's an even better sign that he wants to see you again after you've confessed your crush on him. That means that he's open to the idea of taking it somewhere. He asked you to call him - again, there's interest.

 

Declining his invitation to the BBQ may have thrown him off for a bit, which would explain the lack of contact for that day there. But he didn't give up, which means he's willing to keep trying but at the same time respects that you'd like to have time to yourself. You say he's shy. Speaking as a shy man myself, I can tell you that we often use humor to show our interest in people, since it lets us get closer to the other person without any of the awkwardness associated with most other ways to do so.

 

If I were you, I'd go with it for a little while and see where it goes. Try to get a few more dates in before pouring out your heart to him though. The key is moderation - showing interest in him without flooding him with it. This is my perspective talking again, but if there were a woman who suddenly declared herself to be madly in love with me, I'd be a little weirded out even if I liked her too. There's a time for that, and that time is after you've been dating for a bit.

 

Good luck, but I have every confidence in you. We guys really aren't all that complicated.

[SummerRae]

thanx Artscrafter, I guess it's just I was been hurt pretty badly a while ago and now, now I just have such a hard time really opening myself up to someone.

 

I am NOT jumping the gun. Am definitely NOT in love with him. I'm just wondering how much is ok to reveal, when I actually do enjoy him.... I've told him once, not going to again. I know that I prob shouldn't have told him. cause now I feel a little vulnerable. I'll get over it!

 

n e how................

[Artscrafter]

I didn't think you were madly in love with him, but you know, taking it to an extreme for the sake of an example...

 

Yeah, anyway. Point is, he's interested. You've already told him how you feel about him and he's okay with it. No need to feel vulnerable. As for when to reveal what, see if you can play it off of how much interest he's showing. If he's shy, he'll appreciate positive feedback to his own interest in you. Trust me on that last point - it may be the single most important part.

[SummerRae]

thanks so much Artscrafter, it's just when I posted this same message on another post, someone actually told me to take happy pills! I was like, hello, I'm not jumping the gun, I'm just being honest about my feelings here, online, which I thought would be a safe place to do it... you know??

 

I'm sketchy about intimacy, which is why though I've dated lots, I haven't been able to have a real relationship since my ex. Often when they have shown interest, i've seen it as weakness and not really given the whole thing a chance. I know that it's something I have to work on, you know? I just hate feeling vulnerable. I need to see things as a friendship first and then go from there!

[Artscrafter]

Hmm, so you feel really vulnerable showing interest yourself and the guy showing interest has a tendency to put you off? Yeah, it's a good thing you're working on that, since it's not a very good combination.

 

In general, the more shy a guy is, the more reactive he'll be (working off your cues instead of making the cues himself.) He's already asked you to go places with him several times, so he's not on the extreme shy end of the scale. See if you can pick up on things he does and show interest that way, but if you're not getting anything from him, try a few simple things to show your own interest. The important thing is to try to make both of you feel comfortable around each other.

[SummerRae]

thanx Artscrafter... that's totally GREAT advice! You hit the nail on the head, once again. I guess my relationship problems are deeply rooted. My dad was/is a pretty bad alcoholic and drug user and over and over again has “rejected” me… I am learning to deal with that. I just am starting to see it showing up in my fears. And it’s a bit of a painful process really looking at the roots of these neurosises. Ahhh, but it’s so much work sometimes! Especially, when you are super sensitive like I am.

[colk474]

Me and my best friend have been friends or about 5 years and for 2 years ive realized that i really like her. i mean i think about her all day every day and cant get enough of being around her. the promblem is i dont know if she likes me or not. we both have never had real relationship and i know she wants one because she tells her other friends while im around. recently we went away on a trip for school and it was during the summer so i hadnt seen her in a while. when i saw her on the trip she ran up to me in front of everybody and hugged me while she said this is my best friend. it was an unsually long hug. she also gives little signals like hitting me and smiling alot but she is really shy like i am would never tell me if she liked me.

 

i need to know some ways to either let her know i like her subtly or some ways woman send signals to guys they like. i really need help cause im desperate.