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Guy's friends tease him with another girl and he likes it.

bubblesbursted

By bubblesbursted
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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bubblesbursted Established Member

bubblesbursted

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Hi everyone! So I am here with an issue that has been going on since past few weeks. So me and my bf have been together for almost 4 months. Although we have known each other for 9 months or so. A month back he moved to a different state to pursue his higher education. I was strictly against the LDR thing but he persuaded me to go ahead with it and finally I gave a nod.

 

So not even a week passed since he moved that this whole thing started. There's this girl in his class he cant stop talking about. Although I don't mind. Even before we started the LDR thing I told him if he finds anyone better he should go for it provided he lets me know so that we finish what we have. Anyway, so there's this girl in his class with the same background as his. They have things in common and same birth orientation and all. Apparently they hang out alot. Me and my bf usually used to talk for 40 mints everyday and now this has also decreased since he hangs out with her.

 

His new friends and even this girl is aware that currently he is in a relationship with me but due to their "hanging out" his new friends have started linking them up and all. I know its not a big deal but the only problem is that my guy likes this whole set up. He kind of takes pride in the fact that they tease him with some other girl. I asked him if he likes her in a totally calm way cuz if he did i would have backed off. But he said he doesn't si I believed him.

 

Now 2 days ago we were talking on call after 3 days of no contact when one of his friends voice came up asking who is it he is talking to. He told him he is talking to me and the friend started saying "go talk to N (the new girl) she's the one for you" . All this was said when I was on call I obviously heard it and my bf knows I heard it. It made me feel a little bad that I wasn't good enough or something. I told my guy this and he totally ignored it and started talking about how guilty he feels that this N girl is being teased with his name and how he wants to make up to her? I mean I didn't get the point.

 

So weekend comes and 2 days we don't really talk because he is with her the entire day.

 

I pointed out this again asking if he likes her he should go ahead and start something with her. And he gets pissed off at me. All I'm concerned about is that I hate cheaters. I font want him to cheat that's all. I mean his actions are very well defined and showing how much he likes her. If he does all I want is that he should just tell me and we can break off so he can go with her. But when pointing that out he starts getting mad at me and blaming me. I gave him a few examples including the point where I told him I felt bad about a certain remark that his so called friend passed while I was on call. But that just makes him more mad at me. He says I'm over reacting to the remark.

 

So yesterday night i told him not to commit anything to me and asked for a break. Now is this wrong from my end? Cuz he didn't even protest. I just don't think I deserve this. I will really appreciate some honest opinions

 

Thanks in advance to all of you who read this entire thing up! :)

Edited by bubblesbursted
PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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Even before we started the LDR thing I told him if he finds anyone better he should go for it provided he lets me know so that we finish what we have.

Yeah, sorry to say this has happened and you now need to activate this clause in your agreement. He doesn't want to admit the truth to you for whatever reason, but he is more interested in the new girl.

 

Don't make it a break. Make it a break-up.

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Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

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If he is one of those guys who just can have friendships with girls (like me) than it is possible that it is annoying if your girl - that you are committed - to repeatedly is saying go ahead if you want, especially when your friends are pushing you too. On the other hand if he is cheating than I also expect him to be touchy about it. In the first case it could be an self-fulfilling prophecy where your asking is driving him to her. I guess many girls on LS would not allow their man to hang out this way with other girls. I guess instead of a break I would have discussed the decreasing of time he spent talking with you. But I would advice you to follow your gut.

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bubblesbursted Established Member

bubblesbursted

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If he is one of those guys who just can have friendships with girls (like me) than it is possible that it is annoying if your girl - that you are committed - to repeatedly is saying go ahead if you want, especially when your friends are pushing you too. On the other hand if he is cheating than I also expect him to be touchy about it. In the first case it could be an self-fulfilling prophecy where your asking is driving him to her. I guess many girls on LS would not allow their man to hang out this way with other girls. I guess instead of a break I would have discussed the decreasing of time he spent talking with you. But I would advice you to follow your gut.

 

I did have a word with him related to the time we talk but it never turned out well. He has this habit of blaming everything on me no matter what issue I bring up. So in the end he just got mad at me and told me that he cant talk to ne 24*7 which mind you, I NEVER asked nor I want. Oh did i even mention that he never ever texts me back though. Tried talking to him about it but he says he is not a texter so I dropped it but last week all of a sudden he texts me a picture of that girl (?) out of the blue. I was like what exactly are you trying to do and his answer was that I just wanted you to see her.

 

Now aren't these signs enough ? If he can just come clean we can just avoid this turning into a messy break up if it does happen.

Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

Posted
Posted
I did have a word with him related to the time we talk but it never turned out well. He has this habit of blaming everything on me no matter what issue I bring up. So in the end he just got mad at me and told me that he cant talk to ne 24*7 which mind you, I NEVER asked nor I want. Oh did i even mention that he never ever texts me back though. Tried talking to him about it but he says he is not a texter so I dropped it but last week all of a sudden he texts me a picture of that girl (?) out of the blue. I was like what exactly are you trying to do and his answer was that I just wanted you to see her.

 

Now aren't these signs enough ? If he can just come clean we can just avoid this turning into a messy break up if it does happen.

Hi bubblesbursted, even if you are clingy or/and anxious and even if it is true that you constantly want to text, the fact that he is a bad communicator and always pointing fingers is not good. It means that you probably always have these problems with him when you want to discuss something. Eventually that would become really annoying. So perhaps it is for the better that it is exploding now.

Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
Posted

I may be odd but I personally don't want to be in a relationship where that person is so spineless they let their friends dictate to them who they should date. He is weak. I also don't believe in being with someone who isn't 100% into me and has one eye looking sideways to other appplicants for their affection. You two are maybe college aged, so I would chalk this up as part of your education and never invest in someone who makes some random chick a third wheel in your relationship by making them important enough to talk about in your conversations.

Move on, for good,

Grumps

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bubblesbursted Established Member

bubblesbursted

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Yep! I see your point.

 

So, I hve been trying to reach out to him to officially call our relationship off. Seems he already did that. So he has like 2 numbers one of which I don't have. Recently since all these changes stated happening he has starred switching off his phone. Some days back got to know he replaces his sim with the new one (which I don't have) so this is something I don't understand why he does that. Anyway so I've been trying to reach out to him since 2-3 hrs but to no avail. He has done the same thing.

 

I guess it is off now at least from my end.

 

 

Ps: We both are 24. Not college going though.

Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
Posted
Yep! I see your point.

 

So, I hve been trying to reach out to him to officially call our relationship off. Seems he already did that. So he has like 2 numbers one of which I don't have. Recently since all these changes stated happening he has starred switching off his phone. Some days back got to know he replaces his sim with the new one (which I don't have) so this is something I don't understand why he does that. Anyway so I've been trying to reach out to him since 2-3 hrs but to no avail. He has done the same thing.

 

I guess it is off now at least from my end.

 

 

Ps: We both are 24. Not college going though.

 

Twenties are the years you learn who you are, what you believe in and what you will or will not accept in reference to relationships and other people. This was a good lesson in life. Always make sure your investment is equal.

He was living a duplicitous life...aren't you glad you don't have to deal with his drama anymore and can focus on finding something real and amazing with someone with integrity, maturity and equal emotional investment?

Good for you for caring more about yourself than some loser,

Grumps

minimariah Established Member

minimariah

Posted
Posted

sweetheart, you did the right thing!

 

see... you can be honest, rational & open for communication. you can be sensitive, emotionally mature & reasonable. and you can demand all that from your partner -- IF you're with someone who has it? you'll be able to communicate and deal with problems fast & effective. but if you have a dude who doesn't know how to be open, doesn't know how to communicate...? then you'll get "it's all good, stop attacking me!" answers & he will continue to have his cake and eat it too.

 

this dude doesn't have any balls, straight up. you didn't deserve that treatment & dump him... as in FOREVER. go NC, don't contact him again and be done with it. he failed your first relationship test and showed his true colours, that is it.

 

oh and don't expect honesty and transparency from this dude -- he isn't capable of doing it. he gaslighted the hell out of you and he'll continue to do it.

 

being open and honest, reasonable... doesn't work with men who aren't like that, too. you did everything you could, honey. close that chapter, learn from the experience and move on. kudos to you for making the right choice.

minimariah Established Member

minimariah

Posted
Posted
Now aren't these signs enough ? If he can just come clean we can just avoid this turning into a messy break up if it does happen.

 

he won't come clean. he is one of the "let me drop a hint so she'll get it" type of dudes. and sweetheart, forget about officially calling off your relationship -- just go straight up NC & ignore.

 

it's done.

 

you dodged a bullet! this dude shows some mad abusive, passive aggressive tendencies.

minimariah Established Member

minimariah

Posted
Posted
(...)due to their "hanging out" his new friends have started linking them up and all. I know its not a big deal...

 

this IS a big deal. if your partner's friends and environment are discouraging of YOU and your relationship -- that is a HUGE deal. it's even a bigger deal when your partner doesn't check them.

 

don't ever trust the words... words mean nothing. acts -- THAT is something you should paying attention.

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