ussy Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Hi, I'm 23 and going through hell right now with guilt so need some help to get me through this. I got married young, something which I do regret and what I believe is a major reason why I'm in this situation I am today. Me and my wife get on reasonably well and are happy. We have a beautiful daughter, and hopefully another one soon on the way. 3/4 months ago me and my wife went through a real bad patch, 2-3 weeks we weren't really talking and we're just arguing and fighting constantly. That's what lead me to do what I did next which was the biggest regret of my life. You see, Im not really one to be unfaithful, I don't really know why I did it but a big part of it was due to those 2-3 weeks of being depressed. There was this girl who I had met when I was 19 who really really liked me. At the time so did I but I left it because I had just gotten with my wife around that time but I decided to contact her and things really hit off from there. She didn't know I was married (still doesn't) and we met up a few times and she really fell hard for me. The sex was amazing, but i can't keep risking my family for just sex! I'm so stuck, I have a girl who's pretty mad about me now and I need to get rid of her. I just don't know how to The stress is driving me crazy, I keep thinking if I dump her it'll make her somehow find out about my life and tell my wife. In the modern world of social media you can find out anything about anyone that's what scares me the most. Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 2-3 weeks of fighting and arguing with your wife lead you to having sex with another woman? That makes you a very dangerous man to be married to, my friend. Tell both your sex partner and your wife the truth. What you did was pretty heinous and both of them need to know exactly what kind of man they are dealing with so that they can make safe choices for themselves going forward. Other than that, all you can really do is decide what kind of man, husband and father you want to be. If you want to be the guy you are right now, get yourself single and go do whatever you want until you grow up. If you want to be a decent man, husband and father, do whatever work you have to do on yourself in order to get there. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 First thing to do, get yourself tested for STD's. Your wife is pregnant and doesn't need to catch something from you, that would be awful and also possibly dangerous for your unborn child. I suggest you figure out what it is you want. Go to counseling if need be, and do couples counseling with your wife too because right now you aren't taking your marriage seriously, to run off and be with another woman just because 2-3 weeks of rough times is too much for you to handle is NOT good. Life IS hard and counseling can help you cope with issues/problems in a healthier way. This other girl, she's very into you, attached and you lied to her about being married. And it is possible she may find out and bust you to your wife, so think about confessing to your wife before she finds out by this OW. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 So, let me get this straight...you are feeling conflicted because you think your AP will rat you out to your wife? How would you feel if your wife had done this to you? Do you have any compassion to the mother of your child and the woman who is carrying your child? I understand you are very young but sometimes if you make adult decisions like getting married, you have to grow up really fast because you not only have a wife who depends on you but a growing family. There is no decision in my mind about what to do here because my family is my greatest accomplishment and my biggest concern in life........break it off with the girl, tell your wife the entire truth and get into IC and MC because there is something in you that was willing to risk everything for your pecker. Instead of worrying about getting caught in your duplicity, I would suggest you grow up and try to worry about being a good husband and father. If you don't have an older mentor, it might be a good idea to find one. You need to grow up fast. You made decisions that involved other people in your life and now you need to step up to the plate and perform. Good luck, Grumps 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Also, you are right to be worried that the young lady will tell your wife when she finds out you are married. Telling your wife is EXACTLY what I would do if I were in her shoes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Astridskylar Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 hi, social media is hell for private lives. first, upgrade all your privacy settings to the max. i guess your ap is not connected to you via social media, or you dont post anything about your family,since she has not found out you're married yet. next, break up with her gently by just saying that you're just not that into her, which is the truth, and that you dont want to break her heart by giving her illusions. then, think hard about what you want in life and love, with counselling if need be. getting married too young is generally a bad idea. youre 23, wich is still so young in my eyes that you derserve a free pass for this indiscretion. the guilt you ll be wracked with for some time still will be punishment enough. regarding the ratting out fear, well she first needs to find out you're married, and then decide to rat out to your wife, and then search her id and way to contact her. thats three conditions already. and if it does eventually get down to it, you van always deny, deny, deny. after all, its nnot like you guys filmed yourselves having sex and kept the tape? or is it? i hope she doesn't have hot sexy texts or pics from you that dhe could prove the affair with.... Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 At this point I think you should take this as an opportunity to grow up a bit- you may be young, but you have lots of responsibilities- You owe all the women in this situation the truth- and an apology- Start with your wife- come clean so when you talk with the other girl you can at least be honest with her as well in that you have decided to stay with your wife (if that is what the two of you decide) I am queezy when I read " I have to dump her"- that's so unkind- she has done nothing wrong- re-frame it with " I need to be honest with her" - that would be a great start in sorting out the mess you have made and becoming the man you want to be- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 hi, social media is hell for private lives. first, upgrade all your privacy settings to the max. i guess your ap is not connected to you via social media, or you dont post anything about your family,since she has not found out you're married yet. next, break up with her gently by just saying that you're just not that into her, which is the truth, and that you dont want to break her heart by giving her illusions. then, think hard about what you want in life and love, with counselling if need be. getting married too young is generally a bad idea. youre 23, wich is still so young in my eyes that you derserve a free pass for this indiscretion. the guilt you ll be wracked with for some time still will be punishment enough. regarding the ratting out fear, well she first needs to find out you're married, and then decide to rat out to your wife, and then search her id and way to contact her. thats three conditions already. and if it does eventually get down to it, you van always deny, deny, deny. after all, its nnot like you guys filmed yourselves having sex and kept the tape? or is it? i hope she doesn't have hot sexy texts or pics from you that dhe could prove the affair with.... Alrighty then. Sorry. At this moment, I have no other words at my disposal. Just...no. Link to post Share on other sites
Astridskylar Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Alrighty then. Sorry. At this moment, I have no other words at my disposal. Just...no. the man is only 23 for crying out loud. we are on the cheating forum, are we not? who are we to judge harshly? I'm only advising him to end it while cutting his losses. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Remove yourself from social media immediately and end it with the girl. I fear if your wife knows the truth, your marriage could be over. Really think about the consequences of your actions as this cheating could cost you dearly. Once you become a parent, you need to grow up pretty quickly and put your child's needs above your own. You've risked your daughter's stability by doing this. You've deceived a young lady in the process and that's very unfair. Having been deceived myself by a guy who had a GF years ago , I know how that deception feels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 the man is only 23 for crying out loud. we are on the cheating forum, are we not? who are we to judge harshly? I'm only advising him to end it while cutting his losses. It's not about the cheating, it's about your advice to lie, lie, lie. Or, "deny, deny, deny" in your words. And 23 is plenty old enough to be held accountable for cheating and lying. And he's old enough to know that his cheating was not a good thing to do and he should also know that lying on top of it just makes it that much worse. I think the average 10 year old could tell you that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Astridskylar Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 It's not about the cheating, it's about your advice to lie, lie, lie. Or, "deny, deny, deny" in your words. And 23 is plenty old enough to be held accountable for cheating and lying. And he's old enough to know that his cheating was not a good thing to do and he should also know that lying on top of it just makes it that much worse. I think the average 10 year old could tell you that. what i mean is that if its a one time thing, its not worth it to hurt his wife so much. i do advise him to think hard about what hw wants out of life and love. its by no way a blessing. oh well. maybe you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 what i mean is that if its a one time thing, its not worth it to hurt his wife so much. i do advise him to think hard about what hw wants out of life and love. its by no way a blessing. oh well. maybe you're right. A one time thing is still TOO MUCH, when you're in a committed relationship. He should come clean or he'll be stressed with the guilt for the rest of his life. And if the wife finds out before he tells her, it could be the end for him. (might be anyway), but he needs to face the facts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Hopefully on the way? Is she with child or not? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I'm so stuck, I have a girl who's pretty mad about me now and I need to get rid of her. I just don't know how to The stress is driving me crazy, I keep thinking if I dump her it'll make her somehow find out about my life and tell my wife. In the modern world of social media you can find out anything about anyone that's what scares me the most. So you are asking for help on how to get rid of your OW w/o your W finding out. Well, surely you have broken up with a woman before so...break up with her. Tell her whatever but dump her. That's the easy part. The part you CAN'T control is your W potentially finding out. Nothing you can do about that. Well, that's not true. You could preempt this and tell her now thereby ridding yourself of that particular worry. Of course, your W may D you. But that's another story. And, to build on what others have said...I would CLEARLY get some IC...and begin MC. You need it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 if someone has the power to threaten you.. you should give into it. that power will always be wielded. let the she "really really likes you.. but is willing to destroy you" female out you. you and your wife need to get through this.. one way or another Link to post Share on other sites
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