StrangerThanFiction Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 It's been 2 months since the BU and I've stuck determinedly to NC. There's been a couple times I thought of unblocking him but after thinking about it, decided there would be no good reason to. I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to know what's going on in his life. I've healed so much in these last 2 months so having any contact with him whatsoever would take me right back to square one. I don't want to go back to how I felt before. So I'm good in that regard. What's been bothering me lately is that I keep getting incredibly vivid flashes of memories from the good times we had and...I miss him. Even after all the terrible things he did to me I'm starting to miss certain things about him. You'd think after reaching acceptance of the relationship being over and the desire to just be done with everything to do with it I'd be able to metaphorically wash my hands of it. Not so, apparently. I want him to be out of my mind and I am so ready to expel the last of the toxicity he left in my life but it looks like I can't achieve that on strength of will alone. I'm just so tired of it all. Like, physically and emotionally exhausted. How much longer is this going to last? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Could be many months, depending on things. Have you told your story here before? Anyway it's not a matter of will really, just time. Will and determination help, but the only real fixer is time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrangerThanFiction Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Could be many months, depending on things. Have you told your story here before? Anyway it's not a matter of will really, just time. Will and determination help, but the only real fixer is time. I have, in bits and pieces. Eventually I'll get around to writing the whole thing out in one post but I just don't have the energy right now lol. Sigh. I just really wish it was based on will instead of time. I would've had this kicked in a week if that was the case. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Sometimes I really dislike pep talks bc of that. It can give ppl a misleading impression of 'mind over matter' when it's really no more that than healing a broken leg would be. You have to let yourself hurt. Put in your time, and eventually you'll come out. And don't blame yourself for hurting. hugs 4 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 2 months... it took me way longer.. but it depends on the damage i suppose Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I can honestly say as I read your post, I knew I had lived it. Yep, same! It still hasn't gotten completely better for me, but it is significantly better and we broke up a year ago. Our divorce was final last Wed, and I felt a sense of relief knowing there's really nothing left between us other than a few financial things. Somehow, that finality did help (but not cure.) So, no great advice, just I hear ya! Ken 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I hear you also, I'm just exhausted , I guess I really didn't know how invested I was in this relationship .. I'm just trying one day at a time , I keep reminding myself of how good it's gonna feel when you look back on this day say "really you spent all that time over someone that didn't give two $hits" 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BriNyc82 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Aries I feel the exact same way. I had no idea how invested I was. Well I did. I guess it just intensified when he left. I can't wait for the day to say "why did I spend so much time agonizing and making myself miserable over someone who was over me before it even ended". I know he's not losing sleep over me or going on love forums that's a fact haha 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LeslieKnope Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 You know, regardless of whether or not your ex gives two flying figs about the breakup, the healing process is about you. I spent so much time during the relationship worrying about my ex and still so much time afterwards worrying about him - what is he thinking, how is he coping, does he miss me, etc. When we split he told me 'I've got to look out for myself right now' and I remember at the time thinking (in my anger and grief) what a selfish prick (and he was, lol). But it's actually the perfect philosophy post-breakup to have! I know it's a struggle and some days I just can't help but wallow in sadness because I still love him so much. Take care of yourself and the rest will follow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BriNyc82 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Leslie thank you! You are absolutely right. It is about me. And getting through this in my own way so I can heal and be a stronger person in the end. Whether or not he needs to heal or not is not really my problem anymore. Of course I am curious but I can't let that get in the way of me moving forward with my life. I guess we all need to be a little selfish and hold our ground sometimes. Thank you for that kind reminder 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 It's true. Not only is it about me, more importantly it's not about her. It's about everyone around me, just not her. I have learned how to stop caring now and that was tough but I still have those times when I have the memories and miss her. It's like the OP said. My life is continually changing now and as it does, the easier it is to look forward to a new future. Being in a rut, staying in the same place, visiting the same stores or restaurants, driving the same streets, holds us back. I'm beginning to realize that true freedom will come from complete change. Or it could be a midlife crisis. If so, it's about a decade late. Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Aries I feel the exact same way. I had no idea how invested I was. Well I did. I guess it just intensified when he left. I can't wait for the day to say "why did I spend so much time agonizing and making myself miserable over someone who was over me before it even ended". I know he's not losing sleep over me or going on love forums that's a fact haha I hear that lol, I'm pretty sure my ex was over me before the door hit me on the ass on the way out .. But you know what ? I'm a damn good catch and if she didn't see that her loss .. Healing isn't about our exs it's about US and if they wanna move on so be it .. Have fun trying to find someone dedicated to a relationship like I was .. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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