VerusSS Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Thanks for the help in advance. Here is my story. My wife started to go on happy hours with her co-workers including her boss. I found a picture that shows her next to him like a couple. I found some text messages that definitely were inappropriate, she denies sending the messages and says that was a girlfriends playing. I found many texts from co-workers encouraging her to cheat. I found text from her and boss that definitely are Flirting on both parts. she has visited her boss house many times alone. She keep all secret. When I found out she denies doing anything sexual. Only a friendship thing. Your opinion, Did she cheated or maybe not? Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 How can we know what has she done? One thing I can tell you - If she isn't cheating, she will deny. If she is indeed cheating, she will also deny. So her denials worth nothing. I think that the truth can be established not only by detecting, but by the deep understanding of your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 if it's in the past, let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 If the boss is married show the text messages they shared to his wife. You'll find out what you want to know soon thereafter. Good luck, Twosadthings 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Imo, whenever someone you're with starts hanging out with new people like that, they influence her thinking and she's basically on her way out the door. This is true of "going back to school" or any other situation where there is a new, expanded social life they don't have you as a part of. You're in trouble here. Thanks for the help in advance. Here is my story. My wife started to go on happy hours with her co-workers including her boss. I found a picture that shows her next to him like a couple. I found some text messages that definitely were inappropriate, she denies sending the messages and says that was a girlfriends playing. I found many texts from co-workers encouraging her to cheat. I found text from her and boss that definitely are Flirting on both parts. she has visited her boss house many times alone. She keep all secret. When I found out she denies doing anything sexual. Only a friendship thing. Your opinion, Did she cheated or maybe not? Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 If it's in the past let it go? When I get done typing this reply it will be in the past too! What awful advice!!! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Doesn't smell right. Women will lie and lie and lie until you can actually prove it. My wife would lie until I hammered her then she would confess to something but not everything. Then I would hammer again and she would confess more and so on. This is not the behavior of a faithful GF. I think she cheated and doesn't think she did anything wrong. Dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Just read what you wrote. My question is what were you thinking when your wife goes out alone or to her boss house alone.???? And the denials. of course she is denying it. Like you were told, without telling your wife you need to find out if this boss is married and sned those text messages to his wife. You should also tell him your next stop with the text messages is the HR department of his organization. And lastly your should tell your wife that her days of partying with her boss and these co workers who are encouraging her to cheat are over if she plans on remaining married to you. In answer to your question, I would be willing to bet YES she is cheating and will contin ue to do so unless you get out of the "fog" you are in and take some action, starting with putting a VAR in her car. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 And lastly your should tell your wife that her days of partying with her boss and these co workers who are encouraging her to cheat are over if she plans on remaining married to you. In answer to your question, I would be willing to bet YES she is cheating and will contin ue to do so unless you get out of the "fog" you are in and take some action, starting with putting a VAR in her car. There is way too much smoke here for there not to be some fire. I guess you can take comfort in the fact that the texts from her ****ty co-workers encouraging her to cheat could well mean that she hasn't physically yet, but certainly seems there is an EA going on, if the other workers are talking about it. I would still would not count on her not going all the way at the boss's home though. You sure as hell wont get any more info out of her on this though. I guess when she was going to the bosses house to put in extra overtime, you had no idea this was brewing in the background, still I would have been questioning her solidly on whats up with the weekend work (unpaid?) and at the bosses home. Its a bit too unconventional for me. Now you know more. I would forbid anymore 1 on 1 time with her boss or even having to work back late. As for happy hours, I don't think you could trust her either especially with booze thrown in the mix. I would say no more happy hours either unless you are dropping by the pub. Too bad if it upsets him or her, there is too much evidence here to just pretend its all cool. Girlfriends playing on her phone with saucey text msgs ...yeh right. Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Sounds very dodgy , i think you should investigate more , check email , social media accounts , maybe even recover texts .You read the texts , maybe that is enough information for you to start the divorce . Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 From that alone we have no way to know if she cheated or just crossed some boundaries without breaking her marriage vows. Going to happy hour with work colleagues including the boss should be fine but we're talking a group event, 1-2 drinks, home by 7 -8 p.m. The idea that grown women would take a work colleague's phone & send flirty messages to the boss sounds more like high school then the workforce. At best it's immature; at worst it could be grounds to termination for violating the company's sexual harassment policies. I do not believe her colleagues did this. Being alone in the boss's home is problematic. Being secretive about it is a huge red flag. I have been in colleagues' homes for work reasons but DH knew I was going, the person & I worked, maybe we had a beverage but then I left. It was all above board. This doesn't sound like that. You do need to talk to her about boundaries & appearances. If she is not willing to curtail her outside of work interactions with her boss, I'd hire a private detective & get my ducks in order in anticipation of a divorce. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 If the boss is married show the text messages they shared to his wife. You'll find out what you want to know soon thereafter. Great advice! A middle way - You can also demand to know the whole truth "otherwise you will show the texts to the boss's wife". My guess is that she will admit a minor thing just to give you a little bone, like a one time kiss ("it was only once, i'm so sorry and it will never happen again"). If she admits a minor thing - That is a proof she's lying and of course there is much more to it. (She's cheating). If she still denies, you can fulfill your words - Show it to the boss's wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 To many signs to be nothing. I agree with the others. Find out the boss's wife info and talk to her. Do not confront your wife. Find out all you can without her knowing. Once you have proof you and decide to do then. Some companies wont tolerate cheating. You might be able to get them both fired. If cheating is a deal breaker for you then you could use this as part of your divorce. Never give up how you obtained your evidence. C Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Hi verusSS I hope you are not in Denial, the writings on the wall are clear, even if she didn't have sex with him yet she is cheating tooo many red flags. if you guys still want each other you need to talk to her seriously. if she is willing to admit and stop you go from there and see what you can do to forgive and re conciliate, if she continue to deny move on man and divorce her Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Well, the first thing you need to do is STOP BRING EVERY NEW THING TO HER ATTENTION! The only thing you're doing to teaching her to hide it better! Gather your evidence and hold onto it. You need to give an Oscar worthy performance as if nothings wrong and you don't have a care in the world! The more she thinks you're clueless, then the more relaxed she'll become and THAT'S when she's going to make a mistake. And that's when you'll catch her. There are other things you can do. You can go buy two voice activated recorders (VAR's). You can hide one in the house in the area where she talks on the phone the most and then you can go to the hardware store and buy some heavy duty Velcro. Use the Velcro on the other VAR and secure it under the drivers seat of her car. Cheaters do most of their communicating while driving when they think they're alone. When it's safe, retrieve the recorders and listen to who she's talking to and what's being said when you're not around. If you get your smoking gun, the most important thing to do is NOT REVEAL YOUR SOURCES! If you bust her, it a weird thing, but she's going to want to know how you found out. She wants to know where she went wrong. If you reveal your source, you lose it. You can never use it again. Now, some will say that I'm wrong and that you would be invading her privacy. But, here's the rub, you have EVERY RIGHT to know what's going on in your marriage. You're married! there should be no secrets and 100% transparence. So, don't feel bad or guilty about finding out the truth for yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 She probably cheated. How did you find out "she has visited her boss house many times alone?" Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 99% she cheated. 1% left as breadcrumb for optimists. The fact that she keeps all of this secret was your answer to "Did she cheat?". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Okay, if she hasn't cheated she has to quit her job, period. Co workers encouraging this woman to cheat? Sorry, nope, she doesn't get to stay in that environment. Just people by the company they keep. Also, she visited her bosses house alone? Even if just once: this warrants a boot to the curb right here. Nothing in your work life is so important you need to stop off at the bosses house alone. Do yourself a favor and take out the trash. Even if the dumb BS about some other person getting on her phone and sending those texts were true? You should still walk, because this woman has the mindset of a 16 yr. old girl. Normal women do not take their friends phones and send messages to a boss if they know their friend has no interest in said boss. The moment that lie spewed forth from her mouth should of been the moment you said "collect your things and leave". It is one thing when a partner has the audacity to play you, but when they have the sheer audacity to give you silly lies on top of that? They need to be put in their place. Edited July 15, 2015 by Spectre 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 OP, I hate to say it, but you can find a litany of threads here that basically are the same thing you wrote in your initial post. That being said, you need to get concrete proof and stop asking her. she is going to lie the more you ask. If you beg or plead it will just reinforce her thinking that cheating on you would be a good thing. Root her phone, hire a private investigator or snoop on her Social Media. Do what you gotta do. But do not confront her again until you have concrete evidence. You will only drive the affair underground if you do so. Play it close to the vest and let her hang herself. If you play it cool chances are she will blatantly screw up and you will have your proof. It does not sound good. Be prepared to file for divorce. And do not have sex with her! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
babycakees Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I am almost positive she has cheated. However, I thoroughly agree with everyone on here that the more you hound her, the less of a chance you have of finding out for sure. Why does she go to her Boss' house alone? How did you find this out? Did she have a good excuse for why she was there? Link to post Share on other sites
NoLeafClover Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 When an ex I was with back in college found texts in my phone of a flirty convo with a girl, the first lie I said to cover up was to say "it was #enterfriendsNameHere# that sent those messages as a joke. True real life story Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 No way I'd stay in this relationship. No way. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Thanks for the help in advance. Here is my story. My wife started to go on happy hours with her co-workers including her boss. I found a picture that shows her next to him like a couple. I found some text messages that definitely were inappropriate, she denies sending the messages and says that was a girlfriends playing. I found many texts from co-workers encouraging her to cheat. I found text from her and boss that definitely are Flirting on both parts. she has visited her boss house many times alone. She keep all secret. When I found out she denies doing anything sexual. Only a friendship thing. Your opinion, Did she cheated or maybe not? All very bad signs, if true. I'd say that the odds are better than 50 percent, and more like 75 or higher. Now 'cheating' can mean different things. She might not have had a mad romp with him but again, none of this looks good. If it's inappropriate, then it's wrong and how far they went is really immaterial. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 If she spent "your" time (time you are available to spend with her) with her boss after work hours, then she technically cheated. She stole time from the marriage. I'm certain she did a lot more & probably already had sex with him. Power is a strong aphrodisiac for a lot of women. Link to post Share on other sites
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