Ronen Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 I'm confused...and pathetic. My ex and I broke up over a year ago. He broke it off. I was devastated and heartbroken. Now, we RARELY run into eachother or get in contact, but I saw him at a bar a couple weeks ago and ever since then, I've been thinking about him. He definitely wants nothing from me. And that's okay. I'll always have a special thing for him though, because he was my first love Anyway...he's moving in a month and I want to get together with him and say goodbye in person but I'm scared to contact him. All of my friends say I have to let go and not to contact him anymore, but I'm worried if I don't say goodbye, I might regret it. What do you think? Should I call him or email to get together one last time (as friends of course). Or should I just say "bygones" and let him think I've moved on and I'm done caring... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by Ronen I'm confused...and pathetic. My ex and I broke up over a year ago. He broke it off. I was devastated and heartbroken. Now, we RARELY run into eachother or get in contact, but I saw him at a bar a couple weeks ago and ever since then, I've been thinking about him. He definitely wants nothing from me. And that's okay. I'll always have a special thing for him though, because he was my first love Anyway...he's moving in a month and I want to get together with him and say goodbye in person but I'm scared to contact him. All of my friends say I have to let go and not to contact him anymore, but I'm worried if I don't say goodbye, I might regret it. What do you think? Should I call him or email to get together one last time (as friends of course). Or should I just say "bygones" and let him think I've moved on and I'm done caring... I think when you already know straight up an EX doesn't want anything with you that the best thing to do is leave them alone... I can't think of any reason (Ya know thats good LOL) to try to set up a in person GoodBye... The relationship has been over for over a year... obviously the 2 of you haven't kept in touch through out that time and running into each other doesn't count... there isn't a Friendship to salvage... so I'm with your friends and say let it go.. and honestly I don't think this will cross his mind at all as he rolls out of town that you've moved on or you're done caring... BECAUSE he moved on already... I'm sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ronen Posted May 4, 2005 Author Share Posted May 4, 2005 OUCH! I guess I just want to say goodbye to someone I've cared for. It's sad for me (knowing he's leaving) even if he doesn't care back. I know I'm only hurting myself by letting him affect me this way and I should move on, but that's easier said than done. Especially with matters close to your heart . Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by Ronen OUCH! I guess I just want to say goodbye to someone I've cared for. It's sad for me (knowing he's leaving) even if he doesn't care back. I know I'm only hurting myself by letting him affect me this way and I should move on, but that's easier said than done. Especially with matters close to your heart . Yeah it's never easy when your heart is involved.... Sorry Girl.... Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
mutton Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 What is gone is gone...I understand that you want to say goodbye to someone that you cared about but what are you hoping to achieve with that? Perhaps you feel the need for closure and you hope your encounter will be friendly but...to be honest, if your ex is completely over you by now, he may not feel comfortable meeting you. In this context, there is a possibility that this "goodbye" meeting will be awkward and will not go the way that you want to. You may end up feeling rejected by someone who got over you a long time ago. This may happen especially since he is the one that broke up with you in the first place. Though I do not know the situation, it is only logical to assume that after a year of being separated, he may not want to see you at all. When you two broke up, did he say that he just wanted to be friends? I've been in a similar situation as your ex quite a couple of years ago. After I broke up with him, I was pretty much completely over him in a year. Occasionally over the year following the break up, we may see each other on the streets or whatnot but we would never stop to converse--I just wanted the past to be the past. After that one year, I was preparing to move to another city. During that time, it was really odd for me to recieve a good-bye email from my ex...especially since I haven't really talked or met with him for over a year! In this email, he basically told me that he knows that we have not talked often, but he still had feelings with me and would like some closure before I left. After recieving this email, I met with him on the basis of friends and not surprisingly, it was akward. To me, it was apparent that he had an ideal that he was entertaining that after a year, we would meet up and chat like friends. It was not the case. What was over, was over. Neither of us had much to talk about and even if we brought up something interesting, ie. a recent acheivement, it did not mean much since he both knew there is not going be a second chance. Hence, the meeting was really just like passing each other on the street, "Hello. Goodbye" Therefore I do not suggest that you meet with your ex, especially with a good chance that he may turn you down. I can guarantee to you that if the meeting does not go the way you want it to, it will hurt you more than him. The truth why you probably have not gotten over him is not only because you still have feelings for him, but because in a way, he is still in your life--you still continually see him around. When he leaves, you will probably realize that it will be easier to let him go especially since he willl be permanently out of your life. If you meet with him and he turns you down or the meeting does not go in a good way, it will be then make it harder for you to get over him. It is possible that you will always spend your time wondering if there was anything you could do to have made it a better goodbye but what is gone, is gone and your ex may want it to remain like such. Trust me, if you send a email or approach him physically (which I dont suggest), it would take a person with feelings for you (friendly or romantic) to respond. And according to you, he has none of that and especially since the two of you have not put too much effort into maintaining a friendship. If he meets with you, it would be done with hesistance and only because he would feel like a bad person if he does not respond. That is not the grounds in which anyone would like a goodbye meeting to be done on. And say if does not even respond, it would create a certain amount of animosity and uncomfortability to be around him from then on. It will be in a way like exposing yourself and only be rejected--again. Don't spend your days waiting for him to respond or idealizing the goodye meeting and getting hurt if it does not go your way. Just accept your situation and you will eventually, after he is gone, move on. One day, you will find a person who truly loves you and wants to be with you. Then, it will be like what happened with your first love is not as significant as you believed. By then, you be concerned with living in your present and not your past. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 I guess I just want to say goodbye to someone I've cared for. Ha ha. You're lying to yourself. That's just an excuse to see if you can get him to like you again. You know it. You'll just feel bad afterward when he doesn't sweep you off your feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts