scarlie1 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Good Afternoon, This is my first ever time doing this so im hoping it works. I have been dating a girl since December 14 and things have now started to get serious. She has told me she loves me and i love her she makes me feel complete. However yesterday I was sorting through some bags and after coming across a Phone i decided to have a look on it. I quickly realized that it was my little brothers old phone.. Being nosy I started looking through to see what was on there and I came across some messages from the girl I am now in a relationship with. These messages were sexual and talked about things that had happened, Pictures and things like dates etc...She has said that she didnt actually sleep with him but there was some oral sex and the reason why she didnt sleep with him was because she was on her period. As you can imagine this came as a complete and utter shock to me because even though my brother is a player I had absolutely no idea that anything had ever gone on between them. The messages were sent around July 2014 so it was 5 months before I started talking to my current Mrs. Now the fact that it happened is non of my business, I wasn't with her at the time or even really spoke to her, my issue is the fact that she never told me and never would of told me if I hadnt of found that phone , and neither did he and i feel like she should of told me because I would of never got involved with her if I would of known what had happened with my younger brother. She has allowed me to develop feelings for her without me even realizing that any of this happened which i think is wrong. I feel disgusted and ashamed because the way she spoke to him in the messages reminded me of the way she spoke to me. I still feel like i love her but i cannot get the images out of my head. How can i trust her around him , How can I be in the same room with both of them knowing what has happened, Imagine getting married and my brother being my best man ?? every time I see them in the same room i will have flashbacks. So my dilemma is do i stay with her because I do love her and hope that i can get over the fact she has been sexual with my little brother (Which i dont think i can do because it will always be there in my head) or do I let go of love and deal with the heartbreak and hope that I can meet someone in the future who will make me feel special but without the fact they have been sexual with my little brother Please help me im happy to give any more information if needed Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 What do you mean how can you trust your own brother? If you can't trust him, there are way bigger issues at play. Granted, he should have said something when you first started dating her. You & he need to talk. If you are convinced that whatever they had is long over & you & she genuinely love each other, a relationship is possible. If every time you have them in the same room all you will be able to see in your minds' eye is them being intimate, end this now before your torture yourself & ruin your relationships with both of them by allowing your resentment to build up to the point where it spills over & you explode on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlie1 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 That's exactly what I was thinking .. And that's how my mind will work . What ever decision I make I feel like it's lose - lose . I stay with her and forgive her for not telling me I'm torturing myself everytime something reminds me of it . I leave her and I'm heartbroken . Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 What do you mean how can you trust your own brother? If you can't trust him, there are way bigger issues at play. Granted, he should have said something when you first started dating her. You & he need to talk. If you are convinced that whatever they had is long over & you & she genuinely love each other, a relationship is possible. If every time you have them in the same room all you will be able to see in your minds' eye is them being intimate, end this now before your torture yourself & ruin your relationships with both of them by allowing your resentment to build up to the point where it spills over & you explode on them. I agree with you, except they have shown themsleves to be untrustworty on this subject. Donnivain is right, in my opinion. The problem is you won't really know if you can handle it unless you invest more time and emotions into this relationship. OP walking away would be smart, you may love this girl but the fact that neither of them told you about the relationship will eat at you and damage your relationship with your brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I would suggest you just cut and run. The fact she was with your brother will always be in your mind. She should have told you the truth. She chose to hide it and regardless of her reasons it was selfish. What happens the next time she is alone with your brother. What if they feel the spark again. Do you think she will tell you about that. Your better off starting with someone that has not been intimate with your family. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMachine67 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I still feel like i love her but i cannot get the images out of my head. How can i trust her around him , How can I be in the same room with both of them knowing what has happened, Imagine getting married and my brother being my best man ?? every time I see them in the same room i will have flashbacks. So my dilemma is do i stay with her because I do love her and hope that i can get over the fact she has been sexual with my little brother (Which i dont think i can do because it will always be there in my head) or do I let go of love and deal with the heartbreak and hope that I can meet someone in the future who will make me feel special but without the fact they have been sexual with my little brother Scarlie, You already know the answer to your own question. You will not be able to forget or move past the fact that she and your brother were intimate. The only way that your relationship could possibly work is if the two of you relocated to a distant city far away from your brother. It would also involve a huge amount of forgetting on your part, pretending this never happened. Do you really want to subject yourself to relationship like this? I'd say cut your losses now and move on. To remain would not be fair to yourself, and would not be fair to her either. Link to post Share on other sites
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