macmillerpwnz Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) Me and my stbxw have been married since 2009 and together since she was 15 and I was 18. I am now 29 and she is 26. We have had our ups and downs but what started her affair was because she feels like I did not show her enough sympathy during the death of her mom. She told me she realized life is too short and does not want to be in a complacent relationship any longer. Fast forward a few weeks and she's acting distant and won't communicate so I left and she ended up asking me to come back. I later found out she was talking to a guy named Stephen and she told Stephen she couldn't do this any longer which is when she asked me back. Fast forward a few more weeks, One night she asked me to watch the kids while she goes and drinks with her parents, I agreed and later that night found out she lied and was actually seeing a different guy named Brandon. When I confronted her about this she filed for divorce. We are currently going through a divorce and should have a mediation date in September. It has been a month and she is still seeing Brandon and even had him stay the night/introduce him to the kids already. I really love her and would do anything to get her back, will she come back? What should be my strategy for getting her back? Some forums say to be nice to her and some say to do the 180. I ended up doing the 180 for a few weeks until last Sunday she asked me to dinner and led me on as if there was a chance for us.. The thing is she was texting Brandon the whole time we were together that night. I later told her I won't be second place or compete with Brandon so then she told me that her intentions were not to lead me on but be my friend and she shouldn't have did what she did. i got what I wanted out of temporary orders, she wanted me to pay half the bills while she lived in the house and I lived with my parents because she asked for possession of house. Well we gave her the house but she is responsible for the mortgage herself and she is freaking out. A part of me thinks she was leading me on and manipulating me so I would help her. Do I implement the 180 and move on? We have two kids and so I must communicate with her about picking up and dropping off. Edited July 14, 2015 by macmillerpwnz Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 She is manipulating you big time. What could be more disrespectful than to aside from banging two other men, going out with you and sitting there texting her lover. What you are doing will not work because although you tell her you will not be Plan B, she has gotten everything she wants. freedom to date while still married to you, the house she wanted even thoguh she is the cheater, and now she is trying to con you into paying half her mortgage by being nice to you. The 180 is for YOU , not designed to win her back. She wants to be single and date other men for whatever reason and the more you beg and appear weak the more she will do it. The financial implications are not the first real consequence she is getting for her cheating. DO NOT give her one more red cent than you have to. i doubt if you are going to get her back but accomodating her wants is not going to do it. i suggest you read NO More mr. Nice Guy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Do I implement the 180 and move on? Yes indeed. No communications unless they concern kids or finances. She fired you, and you have no obligation to speak with her at all beyond those two areas. Do they come back? Usually not, but sometimes they do, almost invariably once you have a new woman and/or have gotten over them and don't want them back. And never mistake her attempts at manipulation or using you as an emotional tampon for "wanting you back." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KiwiGal76 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Do not take her back. She does not deserve your time and energy. Join some groups and meet some new people. Life is too short to waste on manipulators like her. She is being a dick and is using you. Sorry to be so harsh but look after yourself. She is a lying cheat. Beware: once she sees that you're moving on, she will try to lure you back in to her web. Stay strong and be true to yourself. You don't owe her any more of your emotional energy. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 File and walk away. Never stay with a cheater. If she will do it once she will do it again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I later told her I won't be second place or compete with Brandon so then she told me that her intentions were not to lead me on but be my friend and she shouldn't have did what she did. After an 11 year relationship and two kids, if her intention is to "be your friend" and you still love her, I'd wholeheartedly advise you to cut off all contact that is non-essential (i.e. regarding child care and divorce proceedings) and give absolutely no thought or attention to the idea of being "friends." That is just a way for her to feel less guilty about what she's done and to keep you simmering on the back burner while she tests other waters. Your only move is to move on 100 percent and not look back, I am sorry to say. It's going to hurt like hell for a while, but it's better than being in limbo and hoping for something that - quite frankly - is not coming. Your heart will only get broken again and again. Protect yourself, talk to a lawyer, be a great dad to your kids, and become your own best friend. I wish you the best. Good luck. KTB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I'd suggest some therapy for yourself. To still covet and want back a person who's used you as a door mat is concerning. She doesn't love your nor respect you. If she's says otherwise, she's lying even more. That relationship is dead, burned to the ground. It's time for you to be Mr. Hard Ass and worry about you now. As everyone is stating, your contact with her should be minimal. Get some therapy to help you navigate through this lousy period. You're going to need to be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
ChicagoSparty Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Divorce her and don't look back. I mean, is that something you really want in your life? You guys got going very young. She was 15? People just grow apart, especially when so young that the they never really had many other experiences outside of that one relationship. Move on. There's nothing to see here. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 You may end up having to support her. As well as your kids. But you will be well out of the marriage. She has cheated at least twice, that you know of. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 180,180,180, have her drop off the children with your parents, she has no need to see you and everything regarding the children can be dealt with in emails. I would file a restraining order to keep her affair partner away from your children. She just met the guy, some pedophiles search out newly separated women with children just like her. I fear your children are going to meet a lot of men. You will need to be the normality they need in their life, be strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Thank you all for the advice, I will do what you guys said because I know I have to.. Although I will admit I miss her eyes and beautiful face and wonder if I'll ever find someone as cute as her Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Thank you all for the advice, I will do what you guys said because I know I have to.. Although I will admit I miss her eyes and beautiful face and wonder if I'll ever find someone as cute as her Devils come always with a mask of a cute face and beautiful eyes. You're only 29 and you talk like you're 60... Come on... there are many girls out here who can really love you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 I haven't talked to her since Sunday, she txt me yesterday asking if my arm was ok because I got in a dirt bike accident and she is watching the kids for me this week since it's my week and we do a week on week off deal. She also txt me a picture of our dog we gave away to a different owner, she keeps in touch with the old owner and gets pic updates in which she sent to me. I haven't responded to her yet and figured I would respond once I knew when I could pick up the kids which will be either today or tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
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