HappilyHisMrs Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Hi guys, My husband and I have been married for about 7 months now and I can safely say that we are both very happy. We are both in our early 30s. We have the occasional misunderstanding (mostly on my part) and a few disagreements, but haven't had any major problems of note. We are really good at communicating and both come from loving families. Just a little bit of background on our relationship; we were friends for about seven years before we started dating, and dated for about a year and a half before getting engaged. During our dating life, we gradually added sex to our lives and have been enjoying it thoroughly. I've always been a bit prudish and he's been a Godsend on helping me really enjoy our intimate behaviors. Here's the problem...about four days ago, I was on the phone with a friend. We don't usually call our friends, so this was a little unusual. While on the phone, my husband was very provocative in a sexual way. It was unexpected, he'd never done something like this before. At first I was a little confused - why would he try to "start something" when I was on the phone? Was he trying to get me to hang up? So, when my call was finished, he asked what I was up to. (I clearly wasn't thinking in a constructive mindset..) I smirked at him and said "Nothing, apparently." Meaning that he was having a good time on his own without me. Understandably, he was hurt by this, and was "turned off" for the rest of the night. I apologized for speaking without thinking, he said he understood, and we went to bed. Since then, he is still "turned off." We've talked about it more...he says he's not mad at me or upset in anyway, but he's still uninterested in sex. Last night, I tried to treat him like the amazing husband he is. I made dinner, catered to him, did my hair the way he likes, made his favorite cocktail when he came home from work, and tried to make him feel relaxed. He seemed very happy. When we went to bed, he pleasured me a bit, but didn't want anything reciprocated. He said he was feeling nice, but not sexual. I don't think he's still actively upset by the phone issue, but he is obviously still hurting. I don't want to push the issue too much, but I am very concerned. He's almost always "up" for something, and I'm worried that I've hurt him more deeply than he'll acknowledge. He is a little stressed by work, but I think the solution lies with me and I don't know what to do. Please help me, if you have any advice. Thank you in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 just try again tonight, without the phone variable. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 perhaps he felt embarrassed and it's taking him longer to get over his embarrassment than you anticipated. So, when my call was finished, he asked what I was up to. (I clearly wasn't thinking in a constructive mindset..) I smirked at him and said "Nothing, apparently." Meaning that he was having a good time on his own without me. Yeah, but how did you say it, though--that makes the difference. He may have felt you were criticizing him for expressing his ardour for you; and yes, being on the phone is rather awkward--my ex used to do that to me, too, when I would be on the phone--but he may have taken how you said it the wrong way, as an attack on his sexual expression and therefore, he's withdrawn and is not quick to come out of his shell for a while. You're going to have to talk him back out and perhaps pay more attention to the way you say things so that it's not being conveyed as an attack, even when that is the furthest thing from your mind. He was on the receiving end of it, you weren't, so don't get defensive when he tells you how it made him feel to hear that response from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HappilyHisMrs Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 Kenahke, I didn't think about that - he might have added embarrassment because I anticipated a quicker "recovery." I don't remember how I said it, but based on how things have played out, I know it sounded more hurtful than I intended. He did tell me, later when we talked about it, that it would be like me trying on new lingerie for him and him asking why I would want to wear it in the first place. I understand the hurt I've caused but he says he's okay. It's hard to make things right when he wants me to think there's nothing wrong. I don't want to cause further hurt because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 So, when my call was finished, he asked what I was up to. (I clearly wasn't thinking in a constructive mindset..) I smirked at him and said "Nothing, apparently." Meaning that he was having a good time on his own without me. I'm a little confused but it sounds as though he was miffed you didn't respond in the way he'd hoped. And there's an added issue in that he didn't recover immediately after a self-induced orgasm? If he's withholding sex based on that, sounds a bit immature. Not a lot to go on here so all may be entirely unrelated, might be no big deal (but don't use those exact words with him )... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingDeadGrl Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 You've apologized, tried to make up for it, and did not intend to hurt his feelings at all. Tell him to get over it. I can see being upset for one night but still carrying on? No way. This is minuscule. What happens when something bigger goes on? He will withhold for a month? It's not typical male behavior. It sounds like there is more to this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Four days after two misspoken words that he misunderstood? Yeah, he needs to shake it off. Link to post Share on other sites
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