7 year itch

[confused]

I have been in an off/on relationship with someone for the last 7 years. When we first started, we were both really young and made mistakes in our relationship. Now we are trying to make our relationship more serious but past events are getting in the way. He recently told me of something that happened not too long ago in an attempt to get all secrets out and open. Being that this didn't happen that long ago and I was under the impression that we had both been manogomous, my feelings are very hurt. I told him to give me time to see think on my own but he won't. He calls all the time, wanting to take me out, spend any kind of time he can, kissing my *ss basically. This is not affecting me because all I think about is what he did. I know that he loves me and he wants to get married (not in the near future because he wants to get himself together and I, if we do get back together, need that time to make sure I can trust him. These days I have been really mean and leading him on only for my needs, but I do love him, he just isn't on my A list right now. Am I just stalling a break up or might we have a future.

[Sally]

Trust is a very difficult thing to get back once it is broken. How long ago and how many times did he cheat is the question...and with who? A one night stand or a long time ex? Anyway, if he's serious, then all you can do is give him one more chance. If you find you can't get past the past and leave it where it belongs, then you will automatically move on without even trying. Your heart won't allow you to stay in the relationship and your heart will end up making the decision for you. All you can do is hope he's matured enough and means what he says. At least you won't look back and say to yourself,"I'm mad at myself for not seeing what could have happened and Did I make a mistake not giving him a 2nd chance." Believe me, you'll never hurt over him as much as you did the first time, now that you know what he may be capable of, so if it turns out he is a dog, you'll be able to move on and let go a lot easier. If he does cheat again, then I suggest you walk away and realize he'll never change.

 

Good luck, and I'd say one more try.

[clia]

Your post doesn't sound like you're that wild about this guy. (I know you're having trust issues, but...) Assuming that you can build trust back, do you even want to marry this guy? You've been together for 7 years, so by now you should be able to answer that with a straight yes or no.

 

If your answer is "yes", then I believe that you do have a future, provided you can forgive him for his infidelity and never, ever bring it up again. He does sound like he's sorry if he's been kissing your a**. If you cannot forget about it, then you will never be happy with this guy.

 

If your answer is "no", "well...uh", or "yes, but", then it sounds to me like you are stalling a break-up and you should move on and find someone else.

I have been in an off/on relationship with someone for the last 7 years. When we first started, we were both really young and made mistakes in our relationship. Now we are trying to make our relationship more serious but past events are getting in the way. He recently told me of something that happened not too long ago in an attempt to get all secrets out and open. Being that this didn't happen that long ago and I was under the impression that we had both been manogomous, my feelings are very hurt. I told him to give me time to see think on my own but he won't. He calls all the time, wanting to take me out, spend any kind of time he can, kissing my *ss basically. This is not affecting me because all I think about is what he did. I know that he loves me and he wants to get married (not in the near future because he wants to get himself together and I, if we do get back together, need that time to make sure I can trust him. These days I have been really mean and leading him on only for my needs, but I do love him, he just isn't on my A list right now. Am I just stalling a break up or might we have a future.