Not the sentimental sort. Going to marriage. Okay?

[TaraMaiden2]

Lots of think about. So just to add for now,

 

I wasn't in a rush to introduce my girlfriend to my parents so I'm different than the said ex-bf. I believe that in my life, you make the best of what life throws at your. Not saying she was thrown at me, but I always approach situations in the mentality that there's always worse. Translated: I did say she's one who I cater to, that could be the key because I always make the best of life, even if that means catering to someone.

 

And two, with no intent to be cheeky about it, mid 40s, when things start to go down, isn't that far away from 50s, the time when you just accept what you have, that being the marriage. Candie, got you there, didn't I?

 

I'm in my late 50's now, and divorced my ex H when I was 48. No way did I play the 'accept what you have' card. That would have been unfair on both my ex- and me. As it is, we are both re-married. And my ex is 5 years older than I, while my husband now, is 5 years younger.

 

So, 'accept what you have'...?

No way Jose....

[lucy_in_disguise]

You'd be selling yourself (and her) really short by marrying her. You say you believe the probability of meeting someone you can fall in love wth is slim, but I dont think that's true. Life is long and full of surprises. I think there is a higher probability that you marry this chick and STILL meet that person... at which point, you will all be in for a lifetime of hurt. If you can convince yourself settling for a woman you barely like is the right, practical choice, it will be a breeze to argue that divorcing her to pursue your one true love is appropriate.

 

What's the rush to settle down? Anyone who has experienced it can tell you love is worth waitng for.

Edited July 21, 2015 by lucy_in_disguise

[angel.eyes]

Hi there!

 

I'm impressed that you've put so much thought into marrying. It's smart! In answer to a few specific questions you asked:

 

Spending time together

No couple spends 100% of their time together. Most will have separate hobbies, in addition to things that they do together. Their circles of friends will overlap, but they aren't identical. Take a look at your parents, friends' parents, and grandparents, for examples.

 

Feeling overshadowed/not getting your say

In any relationship, one partner is going to be more talkative, social, and extroverted than the other. If you feel you aren't being heard, mention it to her afterwards, discuss your feelings, and decide together how you both might handle things differently moving forward. You're two completely separate individuals who are committing to come together. You aren't going to approach things or see the world identically. Expect differences and some disconnects. There has to be give-and-take. That's why all relationships require good communication, negotiation, and compromise. Now is the time to work on those skills together.

 

Established marriages

Do you know anyone who's been married for 30-40-50-60 years? Grandparents and their friends? Please reach out to them and ask them about marriage. Ask them what advice they have for you in picking a wife. Share your concerns and see what they have to say. Ask them what you should look for in terms of traits...What you as a guy can do to ensure you have a good and happy marriage. If you do become engaged, include your girlfriend in some of these discussions.

 

Finally, here is a book that you might find helpful: 30 Lessons of Loving - Karl Pillemer (2015)

 

It's based on an academic project that Cornell University professor, Karl Pillemer, conducted.

 

Best of luck with your decision!

[dunedin97]

Hi LoveShack,

 

After being with my girlfriend for a year and a half, I'm about to propose to her in a month. Our relationship has been good, some ups and downs, and we're definitely compatible on paper, job, income, culture.

 

For me, I have no fear proposing to her and given how it's clear she likes me more than I like her, she'll probably say "Yes.". My prompt stems from the fact that there are just some things about my girlfriend that I've been adapting to and will probably have to adapt to when we get married. The question is, given my philosophy on relationships, should I read further into these things and hold off on the proposal.

 

My philosophy - I am not the sentimental, or dare I say, romantic sort. I don't yearn for visions of a knight meeting the perfect girl, declaring his utmost desire to be with this one and perfect girl. I approach relationships from a mental and supportive angle. Commit yourself to someone and make the choice of loving her each day. And I don't have a life quest to meet the perfect and most special one.

 

My issue about our compatibility - In all honesty, I just can't see a life of being 100% with her. Even if and when we get married, I hope to see my life as part myself and part her. For example, I do not wish that she is with me for every thing, event or meeting I go to. Like, sometimes I want spend a day in the library by myself. Would this be a sign that I should not marry this girl? They say you should marry you best friend, and life will be more fun if you did everything together with them. I don't wish to do everything together with this girl.

 

Like I said, I still have no fear in proposing to her, probably due to both my philosophy and issue stated above. Is the proposal still a go?

 

- Nicky

 

 

what age are you Nicky? I only ask because I'm in a similar position, been in multiple LTRs, and never thought I'd feel about someone the way I feel about my current partner.

 

I'm 32 years' old, been in my relationship for 16 months and am not the sentimental sort, but my current girlfriend has softened me somewhat and I would literally walk over hot coals to be with her. This has surprised no one more than me, as well as all of my friends who know my character!

 

You situation sounds like how I felt 5-6 years ago. Don't propose to this girl. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.