HotCaliGirl Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by MySugaree If you wish to exit your marriage, then do so. But don't use a Vegas stripper BJ as the excuse. There are affairs, and then there are AFFAIRS. Men like BJ's--especially in Vegas that playground for the Id.... a BJ from a stripper in Vegas? Please. Who cares that it was in Vegas? Why are so many people making it insignificant just because it was in Vegas?! The location doesn't matter. What if it took place in your bedroom? The stripper could've had herpes in her mouth and other diseases and passed it on. If your husband sticking his co** in another woman's mouth is 'no big deal' with the weak excuse that no emotions were involved, then no wonder there are so many break ups when couples get into relationships and marriages with different standards. There should've been a no-brainer talk way before you got married, along the lines of: Woman: If we're together, I consider you getting sexual favors such as BJs from strippers as unacceptable and cheating. Man: Then we shouldn't be together. I go on business trips, and I think it's no big deal to get sexual favors when I'm away from you. Woman: Thanks for being upfront so we won't have any surprises in the future. We can part ways now. Surprising that some here think that if he came home and said "honey, I have to confess to you that I kissed a stripper" she would be more upset! That's fine, but at the least couples should have better communication so that they know these important things about each other beforehand, as far as what they find acceptable behavior with others, instead of learning and dealing with it in actual practice, like immature children. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer YOU AGREE TO NOT KISS, GIVE OR GET ORAL SEX, AND HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH ANYONE BESIDE YOUR SPOUSE! Individuals should define what is acceptable and unacceptable in their marriage - not anyone else. It's a mistake on our part to assume that the acceptable and unacceptable aspects of marriage are magically ingrained in our minds from birth. People need to spend time discussing what they expect rather than let other people interpret and mandate their marriage vows for them. Link to post Share on other sites
MySugaree Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Individuals should define what is acceptable and unacceptable in their marriage - not anyone else. It's a mistake on our part to assume that the acceptable and unacceptable aspects of marriage are magically ingrained in our minds from birth. People need to spend time discussing what they expect rather than let other people interpret and mandate their marriage vows for them. And that's what I was atempting to say. Pocky said it so much better. Link to post Share on other sites
XDOR Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 A kiss is the most intimate act between a couple, did you know? Not even intercourse (not to mention a BJ). Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Did you know you can't get aids from kissing? So all the guys here think it's ok to have intercourse and BJs with other women, as long as you're not kissing! That's nice for you to find women who are ok with that. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Did you know that you CAN get AIDS from kissing? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 VERY slim chance of getting AIDS from kissing...Very slim. One would have to have an open sore in the mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 I think some of you are trying to re-define the word "cheating." Anything from having a crush further could be cheating, but having sex (including oral sex) is definitely cheating. Some people just have double standards about it. What makes you think that her kiss had a lot of emotions inside? She most likely just felt like kissing. Just like her H felt like getting a BJ. Doing it without emotions is actually much worse, because people are weak before their emotions. But when you do ugly things that hurt the one you supposedly love for no reason then you're a really bad person. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Doing it without emotions is actually much worse, because people are weak before their emotions. But when you do ugly things that hurt the one you supposedly love for no reason then you're a really bad person. That's a good point RP. You'd think there would be less temptation to screw behind your SO when you don't even have emotions involved with the person you're getting sexual favors from. Is your SO that insignificant that it takes a nobody you have no feelings for to cheat? That would piss me off more. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 In any case, I don't believe that you can fall in love while being in love with another person. After at least 5 years when the sparkle is gone, it could be possible though if you're around the other person often. But most affairs start with sex, not as EA. It's better to work on your problems or divorce then cheat. Cheating is really stupid. it's always a mistake. It ruins the marriage regardless of whether the betrayed party finds out or not. It's marital felony. People should control themselves and not get BJs in Vegas or kiss when they feel restless. Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Individuals should define what is acceptable and unacceptable in their marriage - not anyone else. It's a mistake on our part to assume that the acceptable and unacceptable aspects of marriage are magically ingrained in our minds from birth. People need to spend time discussing what they expect rather than let other people interpret and mandate their marriage vows for them. Pocky is right. There is too much judging going on here and not enough advice. What use is it to someone to tell them that YOU would never put up with such behaviour? Especially when the majority of people who say that have never been in a long-term relationship where they have been cheated on. What's the point in telling us what you think you would do in a HYPOTHETICAL situation. I too had that kind of black and white thinking until my H of many years and the father of my children cheated. Suddenly, black and white seems to blur into grey.... Sylvia Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 RP, I know you write tongue-in-cheek a lot but you seem to be really confused on the subject of marriage and infidelity: Originally posted by RecordProducer In any case, I don't believe that you can fall in love while being in love with another person. After at least 5 years when the sparkle is gone, it could be possible though if you're around the other person often. But most affairs start with sex, not as EA. It's better to work on your problems or divorce then cheat. Cheating is really stupid. it's always a mistake. It ruins the marriage regardless of whether the betrayed party finds out or not. It's marital felony. People should control themselves and not get BJs in Vegas or kiss when they feel restless. A while ago you wrote this to me: Is that all? The two of them masturbating each other almost 4 years ago? Nothing else happened with anyone else before and after that? If this is the case then forgive him and make him promise that it won't happen again. He is an angel in comparison to them. Besides, you have one point for cheating left for you - you might want to use it some day! So what is it then? Kissing and BJs are out but masturbation is OK? Cheating ruins the marriage whether or not it is found out. Is that the same if you use your 'cheating point' or is that OK? PS Are you Curly I am too? Link to post Share on other sites
Jami Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 The point is you both were honest. At first I thought, WOW! It took you coming clean for him to come clean, but you have to realize that when it comes down to it that you were both wrong. This doesn't make it right, but obviously you love eachother enough to come clean, and that is the most right both of you have done. I suggest you set boundaries with eachother. It depends on how your relationship normally is, but I wouldn't leave him over it. YOU DID THE SAME THING = cheating either way, regardless of the extremity. Cheating is cheating, whether you do it with your heart or body. Good luck! *hugs* Work it out sweetheart. The fact that he came clean makes it worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 they weren't both honest... she told him the truth, and he hid it from her until she told him...and when he did tell her, it wasn't to "come clean and be honest". he only told her because he was pissed and he was able to throw something back in her face like "haha, i did something with someone else too...and it was worse, so there." i just realized this post was from months ago, but oh well. maybe someone will search for it and want more recent advice. i think i am the only one sick at home on saturday night, taking vicodin and perusing LS. Link to post Share on other sites
geeeeli Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 "I know this answer is yes, but part of me wonders if maybe it's not as bad, because there are no emotions. I just don't know. " No emotions towards YOU that is. If he cared an ounce about your feelings before his penis, then this wouldn't have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
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