biggles6087 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) I have been through break ups before but this one has me crushed this girl has let me down badly after knowing her through a brilliant friendship after ten months we started dating.Anyway she dumped me after 3 months dating we tried to patch things up but then we started fighting a lot it was a long distance relationship anytime I walked away she sucked me back in and then I found out she was actually stringing me along and sleeping with someone else after she told me she wanted to come down for a few days break to see if there was a connection and promised me she wouldn't see anyone else. I'm heart broken can't stop thinking about her watching my phone every five minutes hopen she text with an apology I feel betrayed that a knife was slammed into my back.I can't sleep I'm not eating my confidence as been busted Invested nearly a year and a half into this girl I feel like I want revenge but then I think what good that will get me.I feel like i was made a fool out of after supporting her through some really tough times.There is so much going on in my head it hurts I wondering is she texting him do I want her back and most of all what the f&&&ck was all that about.We were both 38 and this guy she went with was 45 so now I'm wondering he has and I haven't got my poor brain is exploding. Sorry for the long post but I need help with this one I'm feeling I can't cope. Thanks ladys and Gents. Edited July 15, 2015 by biggles6087 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I'm sorry to hear what happened and I can completely understand the way you are feeling at the moment. It will take some time to get through this painful patch and recover your confidence. If you are anything like I was, you will spend ages trying to figure out what happened and why. I eventually learned that relationships are so complex, they don't make sense. You might have seen some red flags - and you can learn from that - but mostly things like this just hit us hard and there is no real explanation. Seeking one is unlikely to help because people rarely tell the whole truth about why they wanted to split up. The fact that she did try to opt out after three months was a big red flag. If someone opts out, there is no point in trying to bring them back and make up. The reason they opted out probably hasn't gone and is only likely to crop up again. We go into relationships assuming so many things about the people we are with. We think we know them fairly well and so on. In fact, we don't. She wasn't the person you thought she was and maybe she wasn't able to control impulses too well - some people can't and get into endless trouble in relationships. Whatever she was like, try to remember the best and realise you will never understand the rest. It saves so much heartache trying to make sense of things. Some woman will meet you and love you and you won't have this hassle with her. I am sorry you had invested so much and totally appreciate how much that hurts. Keep posting on here as many others have been in your situation too and will support you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I'm sorry you're struggling. You're not alone! How many days NC? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mossycup Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yeah, when you can't understand, and you go over and over it again, making yourself feel crazy and distressed. I've been there. I started just saying to myself "I'm here for you" (like, I am here for myself) and then sometimes just being like "just keep going, just keep going". Every moment of pain is a moment passed that you won't experience again, every moment of confusion is one step closer to the day where you just won't care anymore because you will have met another woman who is amazing and loves you without the drama. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 I'm sorry to hear what happened and I can completely understand the way you are feeling at the moment. It will take some time to get through this painful patch and recover your confidence. If you are anything like I was, you will spend ages trying to figure out what happened and why. I eventually learned that relationships are so complex, they don't make sense. You might have seen some red flags - and you can learn from that - but mostly things like this just hit us hard and there is no real explanation. Seeking one is unlikely to help because people rarely tell the whole truth about why they wanted to split up. The fact that she did try to opt out after three months was a big red flag. If someone opts out, there is no point in trying to bring them back and make up. The reason they opted out probably hasn't gone and is only likely to crop up again. We go into relationships assuming so many things about the people we are with. We think we know them fairly well and so on. In fact, we don't. She wasn't the person you thought she was and maybe she wasn't able to control impulses too well - some people can't and get into endless trouble in relationships. Whatever she was like, try to remember the best and realise you will never understand the rest. It saves so much heartache trying to make sense of things. Some woman will meet you and love you and you won't have this hassle with her. I am sorry you had invested so much and totally appreciate how much that hurts. Keep posting on here as many others have been in your situation too and will support you. Thanks mate I was one that walked away altho she ended told her I couldn't do friendship then she sucked me back in by laying on the guilt trip I kept falling it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 I'm sorry you're struggling. You're not alone! How many days NC? I haven't heard anything now since Monday after i found out she told lies and hurt so much I have been trying to contact her and ask her why as I finding this is some kind of a revenge attack for some reason on me I had done nothing wrong to this girl this is what hurting me s much but I'm not getting any answers so I suppose today now is my first day at the NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yeah, when you can't understand, and you go over and over it again, making yourself feel crazy and distressed. I've been there. I started just saying to myself "I'm here for you" (like, I am here for myself) and then sometimes just being like "just keep going, just keep going". Every moment of pain is a moment passed that you won't experience again, every moment of confusion is one step closer to the day where you just won't care anymore because you will have met another woman who is amazing and loves you without the drama. Thank you I think I be better of been single going o find it hard tot trust again after what she did she played some nasty mind games. Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Day 1 NC! Fresh start! It's time to start focusing on what she did wrong. You need some perspective. Write down the negatives about the relationship, and if you can, try another list of how your life is actually better without that relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Day 1 NC! Fresh start! It's time to start focusing on what she did wrong. You need some perspective. Write down the negatives about the relationship, and if you can, try another list of how your life is actually better without that relationship. cried a little bit today blew up her phone last night I know a silly thing to do I'm so confused over why this was done and then the way it was done so nasty.I threw out all the clothes she left for my son I'm so heart broken it is unreal I feel really betrayed silly I know but just by some of the stuff she promised and said and it was all lies.When she was with this other fella over the weekend she was sending me facebook chat messenger invites even tho I don't have her on facebook Id say the were having some laugh over it while they were having sex I'm GUTTED. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Sorry that you're hurting so. For the sake of sparing yourself any more pain, you'd be best to adopt full and strict NC. Focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. If you do, you will get through this. Be kind and loving towards yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 The other post hit the nail right on the head. We date people thinking we really know them and the truth is we don't . Even after a long term you find out you just don't know the person.. It's hard dating and giving yourself to someone because it means at any time you can be hurt .. "Love" is a funny thing it can make you feel so good and then bam your feeling like the world has come to a end .. I have no answers to help you with the pain, but I can tell you your not the only one that feels like that .. Blowing up her phone does nothing but make you look foolish , go no nc and one day you will look back on this with your head held high and some dignity.. It's not fun to feel the way you are , I think a lot of people on here can tell you it sucks really bad , because there isn't anything we can do about it .. We just hope with time and distance out hearts will heal and we can start living again .. It's gonna take some time , let yourself feel the pain and hurt .. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Sorry that you're hurting so. For the sake of sparing yourself any more pain, you'd be best to adopt full and strict NC. Focus on yourself and your own wellbeing. If you do, you will get through this. Be kind and loving towards yourself. Thank you Satu it is going to be very hard cause I'm the type of guy that looks for answers even if I don't like them.I was always above board and honest wore my heart on my sleeve was kind and generous,I don't even have a bad word to say about the girl now one part is telling I'm lucky and had a narrow escape but the other half is telling me that I still love her and hang in there hopen she come around but I know she won't I actually slept on my couch last night cause I felt so lonely never been so sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 The other post hit the nail right on the head. We date people thinking we really know them and the truth is we don't . Even after a long term you find out you just don't know the person.. It's hard dating and giving yourself to someone because it means at any time you can be hurt .. "Love" is a funny thing it can make you feel so good and then bam your feeling like the world has come to a end .. I have no answers to help you with the pain, but I can tell you your not the only one that feels like that .. Blowing up her phone does nothing but make you look foolish , go no nc and one day you will look back on this with your head held high and some dignity.. It's not fun to feel the way you are , I think a lot of people on here can tell you it sucks really bad , because there isn't anything we can do about it .. We just hope with time and distance out hearts will heal and we can start living again .. It's gonna take some time , let yourself feel the pain and hurt .. Thank you Airess I know your right it was the lies she told me Monday that she with her best friend then I found out later that she wasnt she slept with this other guy it knocked me for six. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thank you Airess I know your right it was the lies she told me Monday that she with her best friend then I found out later that she wasnt she slept with this other guy it knocked me for six. At least you know now what kinda person she is , you know that no matter what happens she always has that in her to act that way .. Take some time heal and then you'll find someone that really deserves to be with you and only you .. Keep your head up .. We are all going through this and I promise you everything will be ok in time Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 At least you know now what kinda person she is , you know that no matter what happens she always has that in her to act that way .. Take some time heal and then you'll find someone that really deserves to be with you and only you .. Keep your head up .. We are all going through this and I promise you everything will be ok in time She showed her true colours on Monday night it be tough going but I will do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 So the revenge has started god she posted my phone number up all over the Internet and I got a threatening phone call today of a guy I had to hand her details to the police I'm shocked she dumped me,why is she doing to this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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