WhatIsLove777 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I am scared.. So scared to deal with the loss of my first love.. We were long distance at first and how we met was like a fairy tale. I moved to another state to be with you and we created memories in three different apartments together.. I still think about those nights when I was still living a state away and we would talk on the phone for 12 hours straight and not have a second of silence. I fell in love with you quickly and deeply and it all felt like destiny.... I am now packing my bags to move out of our apartment... the beautiful apartment I picked out with the loft, and granite countertops.. We worked so hard to get to this point and it is now a broken home with endless memories and I am terrified for the moment when I put my keys on the counter and drive off into another phase of my life. Thoughts of reconciliation haunt me and I still don't understand how something so perfect could go so wrong... and how you didn't argue when I said I think it's better if I move out if we're not working towards repairing this. The thoughts of what could have been taunt my waking thoughts and creep into my dreams like a horrible curse. Five days until I will be leaving.. I can't help but feel like postponing... I am on the lease for another two months so could stay if I wanted but I feel like that would only be postponing the healing... Or is me moving out ending all chances of making this work? But you've been so stubborn when I've tried... I think the only way for you to realize how wonderful a life we could've had is for me to leave you... leave you in this apartment with the memories that I'm sure will terrify you at random times.. Realizing that your 'soulmate' was once occupying the same space and filled your days with love is now off somewhere in the sunset to an undisclosed location that you don't know. When I don't contact you, you will wonder... how is it that the girl that always wanted me back, always said sorry first, was out of her mind in love with me could just.... disappear..... You will wonder where I am.. I spoke to you after the breakup about my dreams to get a one way to Europe.. Or maybe south America... or maybe I will return to my home state where my family is. Maybe just maybe I decided to stay in the same town as you where I work... or maybe you will follow your other dream of moving to the city about an hour away... I've considered them all and indeed will be living with a friend in the same town where our apartment is for a few months.. in fact I will be living less than five minutes away from you until I finally do make that move to the city but you will never know. One day you will contact me because I have promised myself that I will NOT contact you under any means after I leave. I know if I do it will comfort you and remind you that I am only a text away. I don't want you to have that. Not after you decided to throw away everything we have worked for. After all of your broken promises. I want you to always wonder what could have been. And I will be 'the one who got away.' I know you have interest in others but I know how special I was to you. You had many relationships before me and I know just how different I was. You will know it too once you meet others and you will compare everything about me to them. One day you will ask yourself how you let me get away. When you contact me to see how I am doing I will be friendly and wonderful and maybe we will even meet up one day and I can see the apartment and all of 'the changes' you told me you were going to make when I moved out. Knowing you they will never happen... well unless the familiarity of how it is now is a nagging reminder of me. You still love me.. you've told me this a million times and even if you hadn't I would know it is true. I want you to miss me. I want you to want me. I want you to need me. I want you to want me back. And I hope when you do I will be so content with my new life that I will politely turn you down. I hope one day these memories don't control my thoughts like they do now. One day... one day... </3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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