Im in a situation I've never been in before.

[sandylee1]

I just read your initial post again...............I think you're really into this man and if he cornered you, I wouldn't bet a dime that you could resist him.

 

I really have to commend you seeking out this forum before you really got into an affair. I think you've got a firm head on your shoulders for doing so. I wish such things were around in the late 80s and 90s when I was in my late teens and twenties It's good to get a different perspective from those who are neutral.

 

My caps are for clarity and not to shout at you.

 

Alright so I'm not technically in a "relationship" with a MM, but I'm interested in one and as far as I can tell he's interested in me as well.*

 

He was the only person that caught my eye, it was an instant attraction for me. Ever since that first day things between us have escalated.

 

....... and now we just talk all the time and he'll find ways to make non-sexual physical contact with me. Like grabbing my hand or touching my arm etc.*

 

Ive known he's been married since the first week I've been there.

 

SO THAT HASN'T QUITE PUT YOU OFF HIM?

 

We have talked about his wife and, surprise surprise, he's unhappy. He'll complain about her jealousy, accusations, and how he isn't able to hang out with friends.

 

THESE SOUND RESTRICTIONS PLACED ON A HUSBAND WHO HAS CHEATED.

 

I offered my cell number once and he said "I would love it, but she would freak out and I can't do that to her or you".

 

DESPITE KNOWING HE WAS MARRIED, YOU STILL DID THIS. I WOULDN'T WANT A SINGLE WOMAN OFFERING MY HUSBAND HER NUMBER.

 

He constantly tells me he wants to leave her and that hes unhappy.

 

STANDARD STUFF

 

I want to think he's on the verge of leaving, but I dont know for sure

 

NAAH- YOU WANT TO THINK HE'LL LEAVE HIS WIFE AND UNBORN CHILD? THEN YOU CAN GIVE IT A GO? , BUT IF ISN'T YOU DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH HIM IS THAT CORRECT?

[WhiskeyJack]

So basically I've come to the conclusion that I need to set up some boundaries with him and altogether back away. Continuing on the way we are is 1. Not fair to his wife, and 2. Not fair to me. Thank you to all your amazing replies, it's exactly what I needed.

 

I just have one gripe with alot of the replies. The instant assumptions that he has cheated before. While I can't say 100% that isn't true, there are alot of situations I have been or witnessed where that wasn't the case. It is completely possible that a women could impose those kind of restrictions because they are paranoid of there significant other cheating whether they have or haven't. I have been witness to it by both men and women, and they can get to a point where it drives you nuts. Once again I'm not saying that's the case here, but just to keep in mind that just because someone is being accused doesn't mean that they actually have before.

 

Thank you again for all the replies and making me see the situation properly.

[minimariah]

Once again I'm not saying that's the case here, but just to keep in mind that just because someone is being accused doesn't mean that they actually have before.

 

i, for one, don't think he has a history of cheating.

 

but i'm sure that it gets to her and she hears how he sh*t talks about their marriage around which probably leads her to the conclusion that he's having an A. he keeps talking about how unhappy he is but does nothing really & digs himself even further into his marriage by having not-so-safe sex with his W because in the 21st century pregnancies don't "happen". in this situation, considering the lack of his boundaries when it comes to sharing his PRIVATE BUSINESS with folks he knows for about a month -- it's pretty clear that he gives her the ammo for her jealousy. add his FLIRTING on top of everything and there you have it. also, him not taking your number could be a simple manipulation. seen it before. absolutely nothing he did shows that he isn't capable of physical cheating.

 

you DO rationalize a lot of the things he does and says, wanting to admit it or not -- which is expected considering that you have some kind of crush on him. you'd be seeing it much differently if you weren't personally involved in the situation, i think you'd probably be grossed out by the fact that he's having some kind of EA start on his PREGNANT W (unplanned or not).

Edited July 16, 2015 by minimariah

[RoseVille]

I have made no advances on him and all the advances that happened have been initiated by him. We have talked about his wife and, surprise surprise, he's unhappy. He'll complain about her jealousy, accusations, and how he isn't able to hang out with friends.

 

Are you at all surprised by her jealously, accusations and not wanting him to go out with his friends?!

 

Look at what he's doing with you!! She is RIGHT. Spot on. Understandably untrusting!

 

If you want to be used for a good time, go for it. It's pretty obvious that's what he's looking for... with you, and any other girl who will respond to his advances.

[WhiskeyJack]

i, for one, don't think he has a history of cheating.

 

but i'm sure that it gets to her and she hears how he sh*t talks about their marriage around which probably leads her to the conclusion that he's having an A. he keeps talking about how unhappy he is but does nothing really & digs himself even further into his marriage by having not-so-safe sex with his W because in the 21st century pregnancies don't "happen". in this situation, considering the lack of his boundaries when it comes to sharing his PRIVATE BUSINESS with folks he knows for about a month -- it's pretty clear that he gives her the ammo for her jealousy. add his FLIRTING on top of everything and there you have it. also, him not taking your number could be a simple manipulation. seen it before. absolutely nothing he did shows that he isn't capable of physical cheating.

 

you DO rationalize a lot of the things he does and says, wanting to admit it or not -- which is expected considering that you have some kind of crush on him. you'd be seeing it much differently if you weren't personally involved in the situation, i think you'd probably be grossed out by the fact that he's having some kind of EA start on his PREGNANT W (unplanned or not).

 

Well of course I do rationalize things he does and say because I'm the one who sees him everyday at work. You are all basing your opinions about him based off generalizations and personal experiences. And that is completely ok, I get it. And you may be right, if I wasn't involved I may have a different opinion/be disgusted by it. But Im also level headed in where I can see how someone can be unhappy in a relationship but still stay. People can check out of a relationship before they ever leave. Its a fact of life.

 

And again, like I said before, it is completely possible to think someone else is cheating while having no evidence. But yet still dig for any kind of evidence and accuse based off nothing. Theres topics on it all over the Internet. Doesnt mean that the person accusing is always right.

[MissBee]

Alright so I'm not technically in a "relationship" with a MM, but I'm interested in one and as far as I can tell he's interested in me as well.

 

It all started when I started my new job over a month ago. He was the only person that caught my eye, it was an instant attraction for me. Ever since that first day things between us have escalated. At first is was just banter when he had to get a project I was working on, next was alot of eye contact, then talking numerous times a day, then on to him going out of his way to talk to me if he wasn't able to easily talk to me, then us walking to break together, to sitting next to each other at break, going out every morning on break for coffee, and now we just talk all the time and he'll find ways to make non-sexual physical contact with me. Like grabbing my hand or touching my arm etc.

 

Ive known he's been married since the first week I've been there. I have made no advances on him and all the advances that happened have been initiated by him. We have talked about his wife and, surprise surprise, he's unhappy. He'll complain about her jealousy, accusations, and how he isn't able to hang out with friends. I never bad mouth her, as I've only met her once and don't know her character, but I do offer unbiased advice whenever possible. Ive heard from other coworkers that hes been unhappy in his marriage since before I started working there.

 

Nothing has physically happened between us nor has any "I like you" happened. I offered my cell number once and he said "I would love it, but she would freak out and I can't do that to her or you". He constantly tells me he wants to leave her and that hes unhappy. But he has a young child, and another on the way (this one was unplanned). He grew up in a broken home and doesnt want that for his children.

 

And I realized I'm rambling now. I just dont know what to do. Hes talked to her about being unhappy and his family members. I want to think he's on the verge of leaving, but I dont know for sure and I'm afraid I'm wasting my time by waiting around to see.

 

I guess I'm just looking for some helpful words of wisdom. Or really anything else

 

What would you like advice on exactly? Whether or not to push for an affair with him? Or something else?

 

He has a young child and one on the way, he's said he can't take your number and do that that to her or you , I'd actually see this as a blessing in disguise and accept this and not push for anything more. This man already knows he's probably not planning to divorce his wife and that engaging with you will probably lead to drama and a dead end, so I'd just thank my lucky stars and keep things at a safe platonic distance.

 

Safe distance is key as if you try to be buddy-buddy with him your feelings will only increase and it will be much easier to "end up in an affair" you didn't "plan to happen."

 

Whether he is a bad guy or not, cheated before or not, unhappy or not isn't really here or there for me, but I'm responding based on you saying you want words of wisdom about how YOU should proceed. His life is his own and his responsibility to figure out and I'd personally not sign up to be his secret mistress and therapist who ends up falling all the way in love and in turmoil because he's staying put.

[RoseVille]

And again, like I said before, it is completely possible to think someone else is cheating while having no evidence. But yet still dig for any kind of evidence and accuse based off nothing. Theres topics on it all over the Internet. Doesnt mean that the person accusing is always right.

 

Except here, his wife *is* right.

[minimariah]

You are all basing your opinions about him based off generalizations and personal experiences.

 

we're basing our opinions on him off of what YOU give us & write + personal experiences. you rationalize things because you're emotionally involved hence your defensiveness - not because you see him daily. you'd be singing a different tune if you weren't in any way interested in him.

 

how old is he... by the way? & how long has he been married, is his marriage "high school sweethearts, together from early years" type of marriage...? or did he marry in more "mature" years - 30+...? that also plays a role.

 

But Im also level headed in where I can see how someone can be unhappy in a relationship but still stay. People can check out of a relationship before they ever leave. Its a fact of life.

 

of course it is, no one is denying that -- no one said that he's really super happy and content in his marriage while telling you lies. in fact, it's pretty obvious that he ISN'T happy. the question is - what is he doing about his unhappy marriage except to whine about it constantly? why is he discussing his marital problems with the co-workers when he should be discussing those problems with the counselor? why is he flirting with a co-worker instead of being 100% invested in improving his marriage + emotionally supporting his pregnant wife...? if his marriage is so hopeless, why isn't he making an exit plan when the kids are older...?

 

he is unhappy... but that isn't enough for him to actually LEAVE + he isn't helping himself with the fact that he keeps having kids with the W while saying that those kids are the only reason he's "trapped" in this marriage to begin with. also, the thing you wrote about him being a kid from a broken family... the pressure will go UP when the 2nd kid comes.

 

ALSO, your advice to him about his marriage isn't unbiased - that's an oxymoron because you want an affair with the man + you only know one side. unbiased means no personal involvement + knowing both sides.

 

& this --

 

And again, like I said before, it is completely possible to think someone else is cheating while having no evidence. But yet still dig for any kind of evidence and accuse based off nothing.

 

your H telling others and complaining how unhappily married he is while talking sh*t about you... that's more than enough for the spouse to suspect an A. the state of their marriage is obviously poor + he's clearly emotionally detached... she is definitely basing it off SOMETHING - that SOMETHING doesn't have to be "evidence" or "proof" of cheating in the past... it can be a gut feeling, hunch... if my man tells me he is unhappy and then i hear how he tells it to everyone else who is willing to listen AND portraying me in a very bad light... hell YES, i would suspect an A. most people aren't capable of dealing with problems like mature adults & leaving a relationship without the help of someone else.

 

i already said -- i don't think he cheated before. but he is definitely giving her reasons to think that he is, just by the simple fact that he's exposing THEIR privacy to others. he keeps talking about his marriage to CO-WORKERS, who then keep gossiping about it to their other co-workers, who then gossip about it to other folks they know... it probably came back to her. add the fact that he's flirting with a co-worker and there you have it.

 

i'm personally surprised that you aren't turned off by the fact that he has so little respect for himself & the W that he's exposing their privacy and airing their very personal dirty laundry to someone he knows for literally a couple of weeks & other folks he knows from work. folks do get stuck in a bad marriage, with pregnant wives and young kids and all... it happens. but at least some have the decency to protect their family by keeping their mouth shut to those they don't know enough to really trust. on top of all, the woman is PREGNANT. like, seriously... he can't shut up even for that period of 9+ months until the baby comes? how do you NOT recognize that as a red flag?

 

if you really want to stay away -- you know what to do.

 

forgive me for being blunt and coming off as harsh... i'm also a little appalled at you ALREADY thinking about him leaving his marriage and fantasizing without even having a real A + him directly rejecting your advances. it's a red flag - but in this case, about your own character.

Edited July 17, 2015 by minimariah

[WhiskeyJack]

Except here, his wife *is* right.

 

She accuses him of going to **** a girl while he's out getting an oil change, banging broads while helping a friend open a pool, and things along those lines. So no she isn't right.

[MissBee]

She accuses him of going to **** a girl while he's out getting an oil change, banging broads while helping a friend open a pool, and things along those lines. So no she isn't right.

 

How can you be sure of their marital history and whether or not he has cheated/acted inappropriately previously hence her reason for suspicion? Or maybe she is hormonal since she is pregnant and he's not been supportive so she's accusing him of checking out and cheating? Point is: you see him at work everyday, but that's not the same as living with him and being his wife and seeing what he is like as a husband or romantic partner, father, how much he helps or doesn't at home, how attentive he is or isn't etc. It would be absurd for people who only know someone as a coworker to purport that because of that they know how they are in the privacy of their marital home and in their relationship. Even with my friends, we are friends, but I don't date them so I don't really know how they are in a relationship and the inner dynamics of what it is like to be their romantic partner in the privacy of their home. I know them as a friend which is an entirely different relationship with different dynamics and what I observe as a friend is some of who they are but can't tell me the full picture of how their partner perceives them.

 

It doesn't really matter though. What's the end game here for you? To defend his unhappiness and agree his wife is paranoid and then what? There must be a reason why this matters? Is it that you're telling yourself that it's okay to pursue him and hope for more so long as his wife is paranoid and he's unhappy?

 

Like others have said, and if you look around the forum, no one is saying MM can't be unhappily married. But them being unhappy has nothing to do with the repercussions for YOU if you decide to be in the affair, likewise unhappy doesn't mean will leave. So for me, I'd take the focus off his wife and the second-hand unverified stories about her that are only his side, and him and his unhappiness and focus more on you, what you want and the likely outcome given the situation.

 

Married, has an unborn baby on the way, says he doesn't want his kids to have a broken home, refused your number because he didn't want to do that to you or his wife....so given those things, where do you want to go from here? Let it go? Or find reasons to push for more?

Edited July 17, 2015 by MissBee

[WhiskeyJack]

we're basing our opinions on him off of what YOU give us & write + personal experiences. you rationalize things because you're emotionally involved hence your defensiveness - not because you see him daily. you'd be singing a different tune if you weren't in any way interested in him.

 

how old is he... by the way? & how long has he been married, is his marriage "high school sweethearts, together from early years" type of marriage...? or did he marry in more "mature" years - 30+...? that also plays a role.

 

 

 

of course it is, no one is denying that -- no one said that he's really super happy and content in his marriage while telling you lies. in fact, it's pretty obvious that he ISN'T happy. the question is - what is he doing about his unhappy marriage except to whine about it constantly? why is he discussing his marital problems with the co-workers when he should be discussing those problems with the counselor? why is he flirting with a co-worker instead of being 100% invested in improving his marriage + emotionally supporting his pregnant wife...? if his marriage is so hopeless, why isn't he making an exit plan when the kids are older...?

 

he is unhappy... but that isn't enough for him to actually LEAVE + he isn't helping himself with the fact that he keeps having kids with the W while saying that those kids are the only reason he's "trapped" in this marriage to begin with. also, the thing you wrote about him being a kid from a broken family... the pressure will go UP when the 2nd kid comes.

 

ALSO, your advice to him about his marriage isn't unbiased - that's an oxymoron because you want an affair with the man + you only know one side. unbiased means no personal involvement + knowing both sides.

 

& this --

 

 

 

your H telling others and complaining how unhappily married he is while talking sh*t about you... that's more than enough for the spouse to suspect an A. the state of their marriage is obviously poor + he's clearly emotionally detached... she is definitely basing it off SOMETHING - that SOMETHING doesn't have to be "evidence" or "proof" of cheating in the past... it can be a gut feeling, hunch... if my man tells me he is unhappy and then i hear how he tells it to everyone else who is willing to listen AND portraying me in a very bad light... hell YES, i would suspect an A. most people aren't capable of dealing with problems like mature adults & leaving a relationship without the help of someone else.

 

i already said -- i don't think he cheated before. but he is definitely giving her reasons to think that he is, just by the simple fact that he's exposing THEIR privacy to others. he keeps talking about his marriage to CO-WORKERS, who then keep gossiping about it to their other co-workers, who then gossip about it to other folks they know... it probably came back to her. add the fact that he's flirting with a co-worker and there you have it.

 

i'm personally surprised that you aren't turned off by the fact that he has so little respect for himself & the W that he's exposing their privacy and airing their very personal dirty laundry to someone he knows for literally a couple of weeks & other folks he knows from work. folks do get stuck in a bad marriage, with pregnant wives and young kids and all... it happens. but at least some have the decency to protect their family by keeping their mouth shut to those they don't know enough to really trust. on top of all, the woman is PREGNANT. like, seriously... he can't shut up even for that period of 9+ months until the baby comes? how do you NOT recognize that as a red flag?

 

if you really want to stay away -- you know what to do.

 

forgive me for being blunt and coming off as harsh... i'm also a little appalled at you ALREADY thinking about him leaving his marriage and fantasizing without even having a real A + him directly rejecting your advances. it's a red flag - but in this case, about your own character.

 

Listen, I know you mean well and are trying to help with my situation, but I feel like you are going overboard and making a large amount of assumptions judging his/his wife's/my character.

 

I did say in my original post that he has told me things about his wife, and that coworkers had said something. But they have in no way been running their mouths and gossip in like we are in high school. It was more of a "they are rocky and have been having problems for a bit" kind of situation. No specifics and it happened maybe once or twice.

 

How do you know he hasn't already been trying to fix his marriage and had been trying to work on things but it just hasn't panned out? Just because I don't have every detail about the going on in his marriage, which according to your advice I shouldnt know And haven't known him long enough to be allowed that type of information, doesn't mean that you can automatically assume he's being a deadbeat husband and in no way tried to save the said marriage.

 

When I say I give unbiased advice I mean I give advice that doesn't side with him, I give advice based off what I think the wife might be thinking. I have been cheated on before and have been one of those girls that had a great significant other when I was younger that accused my So was cheating on me. I had no reason to found this theory, but I still believed it with every part of my being. Ive grown up since then and am able to give advice. I have never bad mouthed the wife or try some other malicious way to get him to leave her. I couldn't do that.

[WhiskeyJack]

How can you be sure of their marital history and whether or not he has cheated/acted inappropriately previously hence her reason for suspicion? Or maybe she is hormonal since she is pregnant and he's not been supportive so she's accusing him of checking out and cheating? Point is: you see him at work everyday, but that's not the same as living with him and being his wife and seeing what he is like as a husband or romantic partner, father, how much he helps or doesn't at home, how attentive he is or isn't etc. It would be absurd for people who only know someone as a coworker to purport that because of that they know how they are in the privacy of their marital home and in their relationship. Even with my friends, we are friends, but I don't date them so I don't really know how they are in a relationship and the inner dynamics of what it is like to be their romantic partner in the privacy of their home. I know them as a friend which is an entirely different relationship with different dynamics and what I observe as a friend is some of who they are but can't tell me the full picture of how their partner perceives them.

 

It doesn't really matter though. What's the end game here for you? To defend his unhappiness and agree his wife is paranoid and then what? There must be a reason why this matters? Is it that you're telling yourself that it's okay to pursue him and hope for more so long as his wife is paranoid and he's unhappy?

 

Like others have said, and if you look around the forum, no one is saying MM can't be unhappily married. But them being unhappy has nothing to do with the repercussions for YOU if you decide to be in the affair, likewise unhappy doesn't mean will leave. So for me, I'd take the focus off his wife and the second-hand unverified stories about her that are only his side, and him and his unhappiness and focus more on you, what you want and the likely outcome given the situation.

 

Married, has an unborn baby on the way, says he doesn't want his kids to have a broken home, refused your number because he didn't want to do that to you or his wife....so given those things, where do you want to go from here? Let it go? Or find reasons to push for more?

 

I can't be sure of anything that goes on outside of work. And I'm not trying to portray that I do. I think my latest responses have been a mix of feeling attacked/defensive mixed in with being stressed/tired from work. I work in a labour and production intensive job. So my mind isn't all there.

 

My end game is simple, I will not partake in any kind of affair. I have already said I will be backing off and setting boundaries at work. I do realize alot of focus has been on the wife and I never intended that, somethings are just frustrating and I'm only human. I know neither one of them are solely to blame just like neither one is completely innocent as well.

[minimariah]

Listen, I know you mean well and are trying to help with my situation, but I feel like you are going overboard and making a large amount of assumptions judging his/his wife's/my character.

 

if you read my post again, you'll see that i didn't assume at all -- i asked questions + pointed out things i consider problematic. you have been jumping on everything you felt as a personal attack on yourself & your co-worker since this thread began. you're being defensive from the 1st post -- that doesn't make you wonder...?

 

It was more of a "they are rocky and have been having problems for a bit" kind of situation.

 

oh, stop.

 

that's gossip. you seem to think that's it's somehow better because it's "polished" gossip -- it isn't. he talks about his marriage in details while talking sh*t about his wife to someone he knows FOR A MONTH, for crying out loud. how does he know that he can trust you...? how does he know that you won't pick up the phone and call his wife, to tell her everything...? he doesn't. that's the problem here -- he is exposing his privacy and his wife's privacy to someone he doesn't even know.

 

How do you know he hasn't already been trying to fix his marriage and had been trying to work on things but it just hasn't panned out?

 

i don't, that's the reason i asked questions about it.

 

...doesn't mean that you can automatically assume he's being a deadbeat husband and in no way tried to save the said marriage.

 

i didn't attack you... so why DO you feel attacked? where is this enormous defensiveness coming from?

 

i never assumed he was a DEADBEAT husband but he CLEARLY isn't a husband of the year either -- how can you even argue that? do you consider him a good husband because he keeps staying in a marriage for his kids so you see that as something noble? do you consider him a good husband because he rejected your advances...?

 

When I say I give unbiased advice I mean I give advice that doesn't side with him...

 

you give advice that sides with you and what you want. that's what i meant. & of course you can't badmouth the wife, how can you badmouth someone you don't know? (you're badmouthing her in this thread, by the way).

 

you dodged a lot of big issues and valid points from me and other posters and went for "attacks" in order to justify and respond, to defend yourself AND him. there's a lot of denial going on, i'd point it out if i didn't think you'd get even more offended so i'll gracefully bow out. i never meant to come off as attacking you, that was never my intention -- it's just my unfortunate way of discussing, i get fired up easily with everything. (i'm working on it). at the end of the day, i don't know you or your co - worker so there will be a lot of totally wrong advices from my side and i might be totally wrong about everything! i know that what you're telling us here seems black & white & like a pretty clear situation and it's different from what's REALLY happening. however, i did point out things i think i'm pretty right basing it off of your sentences.

 

good luck to you with whatever you decide to do.

Edited July 17, 2015 by minimariah

[WhiskeyJack]

Minimariah ,

If you go back to the first page of this thread and read my responses to people, it is majority agreeing with their statements and thanking them for their help. Then you started posting, multiple times I might add, and that's when I started getting defensive. That doesn't make you wonder?

 

Yes he has said things to me about her, I'm a good listener and offer a different perspective. I dont know why he feels like I'm trust worthy enough to hear these things. I'm not psychic. But neither are you.

 

You made comments about "how come he's not putting effort into his marriage, etc.". They weren't exactly questions to answer, just accusing statements.

 

I never made any comments on whether he was a deadbeat or a great husband as I have no idea what his home life is like. And I feel attacked because you make me feel like I'm being attacked! It's as simple as that. If you had read any of my responses on the first page you would have already saw that I was planning on backing away and setting up boundaries. But you kept laying into the situation making assumptions and judging characters.

 

You are not there for the advice I give so that's, yet again, another assumption.

 

I dont think I dodged any big issues. But how noble of you for bowing out now.

Edited July 17, 2015 by WhiskeyJack

[minimariah]

That doesn't make you wonder?

 

it doesn't -- because my post(s) wasn't the only one you got defensive about.

 

Yes he has said things to me about her, I'm a good listener and offer a different perspective. I dont know why he feels like I'm trust worthy enough to hear these things. I'm not psychic. But neither are you.

 

the point was -- he is irresponsible & reckless for exposing his personal business and his W's personal business (going so far to tell you that the 2nd kid wasn't planned) & you should be disgusted by it.

 

You made comments about "how come he's not putting effort into his marriage, etc.".

 

that's because he isn't. putting an effort into your marriage includes NOT having an emotional affair with your co-worker. however, i never said that he was a "deadbeat" husband or that he didn't put an effort in the past.

 

If you had read any of my responses on the first page you would have already saw that I was planning on backing away and setting up boundaries.

 

good luck.

Edited July 17, 2015 by minimariah

[Quiet Storm]

I think it can't be that unhappy...they're still having babies. Marriages have ups and downs, and they're in a down time.

 

His wife doesn't trust him, so he's probably disappointed her, not just by being a flirt, but maybe in other ways, too. This dynamic means she's not stroking his ego, she's not sympathetic to him, she's not giving him attention. You are. He hasn't disappointed you yet, so you're willing, and he's interesting to you. You take his words at face value. You wanted to give him, a married guy, your number. So you can see how these interactions with you are stroking his ego. He's enjoying the flirting and soaking up the attention and admiration, while his wife is probably feeling resentful. The problem is, these are their issues. This is their dance. Don't insert yourself into it, and don't allow him to drag you into it.

 

You are already emotionally invested in a married guy with a pregnant wife. You are sympathetic to his plight, and thinking that unhappy=done. Or at least hoping that unhappy=done. You want to believe in him.

 

I really hope you can keep your boundaries because you deserve more than being his emotional outlet. Your attraction to him makes him feel good, but he's not giving up his life for that. He'll happily enjoy your company and attention, though, so I hope you don't get too emotionally connected to him.

[beach]

I'm glad you're setting a boundary.

 

I hope when he talks about his marriage/wife you tell him that it's not appropriate and that it should be discussed with his wife.

 

 

His problems in his marriage will ONLY get resolved when he starts discussing it WITH his wife and offers solutions to change things.

 

Talking to anyone else besides her is just disrespecting her.