soundsfamilar Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 hi everyone, just wanted to share this: it's been 6 months this coming weekend since my MM and I broke up in the most unimaginable way. he told his wife he loves another woman (me) and wants to leave. I was there to witness it. By morning, he cried like a baby and went back, full of fear and shame. I have not heard from him since. I spent nearly 6 months in the deepest depression. Counseling, medications and friends only took me so far. But recently, something inside me healed a little. Many of you have asked "how long does it take"? I can only say from my experience: 6 months. I still miss him, I still mourn... but I also suddenly feel this deep relief that the pain is waning. No longer am I dependent on someone else's decision. I can't even tell you how much that relief is beginning to make me feel like myself again. Just writing this to give you hope. I was desolate in ways I never thought I could be. And now I'm... okay. I will live. And so will you. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 hi! congratulations on moving forward and on the progress! i do have some questions, i hope you won't mind and i hope i won't trigger any bad memories but i think folks on this Forum would use your input! so my questions are - how do you view your MM and the A now? after some time has passed without contact. as in, what were the emotions and feelings in the A, are those feelings still as strong... love, affection, care? did your opinion of MM changed, do you see him in a different light after some time has passed? and finally - would you restart the A if your MM approached you or if he is to seek you out as a single man? thank you in advance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 hi everyone, just wanted to share this: it's been 6 months this coming weekend since my MM and I broke up in the most unimaginable way. he told his wife he loves another woman (me) and wants to leave. I was there to witness it. By morning, he cried like a baby and went back, full of fear and shame. I have not heard from him since. I spent nearly 6 months in the deepest depression. Counseling, medications and friends only took me so far. But recently, something inside me healed a little. Many of you have asked "how long does it take"? I can only say from my experience: 6 months. I still miss him, I still mourn... but I also suddenly feel this deep relief that the pain is waning. No longer am I dependent on someone else's decision. I can't even tell you how much that relief is beginning to make me feel like myself again. Just writing this to give you hope. I was desolate in ways I never thought I could be. And now I'm... okay. I will live. And so will you. Congratulations ! My ExMM was texting and emailing me in the morning of DDay when he went home, told BS about me and that he'd retained a lawyer to bring a divorce action. He called me from their house with her crying and saying stuff, and I've not heard from him since and I doubt I will. What I will never understand is why both of our ExMM bothered to drop the "I love someone else and I've hired a lawyer to divorce you" bomb and then stay? My ExMM should have just rang me and said "I'm staying" and left it at that. I'm so glad you are feeling free (ish). How long were you with ExMM ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soundsfamilar Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hello again, thanks for the well wishes! In answer to your questions: I was with MM 2 years and 3 months. I was incredibly attached to him, totally in love, and he seemed to feel the same. We broke up several times prior, only for him to come back saying he is not happy without me and his marriage is not going to get better. He was always on the fence, though. A classic split-self affair (look it up if you've never heard the term). I still love him in some way, but I also wouldn't be able to trust him, that I know. He has pulled these serious 180s on me so many times, it's like he doesn't even know himself. And how can you be with someone who doesn't know himself? I also believe he has serious intimacy issues, aside from the marriage. He just feels better (though not happier) in a predictable relationship, that is "functional" more than romantic, because, despite wanting this kind of connection all his life, it also terrifies him. Which leads me to say that, while I would probably check him out if he were single one day (unless I'm not at that point), I would be very, very suspicious about his emotional maturity. He doesn't seem to be able to carry through on romantic, passionate love. All his other relationships in the past were more practical than emotional. My opinion of him has changed, in that I now see him as a huge coward. He said "love is not enough" when we parted, which tells you all you need to know. As to why they go as far as they do, only to pull back, my guess is that they really want it when they do it, but then fear and shame take over, a horrible conscience about what they're doing to their family (mine had a grown child) and how they will be perceived. Ultimately selfish, cowardly and dishonest. I'm not particularly angry, but I wish he rots in a lifeless, sexless marriage from now on. Good luck with that, MM.. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hello again, thanks for the well wishes! In answer to your questions: I was with MM 2 years and 3 months. I was incredibly attached to him, totally in love, and he seemed to feel the same. We broke up several times prior, only for him to come back saying he is not happy without me and his marriage is not going to get better. He was always on the fence, though. A classic split-self affair (look it up if you've never heard the term). I still love him in some way, but I also wouldn't be able to trust him, that I know. He has pulled these serious 180s on me so many times, it's like he doesn't even know himself. And how can you be with someone who doesn't know himself? I also believe he has serious intimacy issues, aside from the marriage. He just feels better (though not happier) in a predictable relationship, that is "functional" more than romantic, because, despite wanting this kind of connection all his life, it also terrifies him. Which leads me to say that, while I would probably check him out if he were single one day (unless I'm not at that point), I would be very, very suspicious about his emotional maturity. He doesn't seem to be able to carry through on romantic, passionate love. All his other relationships in the past were more practical than emotional. My opinion of him has changed, in that I now see him as a huge coward. He said "love is not enough" when we parted, which tells you all you need to know. As to why they go as far as they do, only to pull back, my guess is that they really want it when they do it, but then fear and shame take over, a horrible conscience about what they're doing to their family (mine had a grown child) and how they will be perceived. Ultimately selfish, cowardly and dishonest. I'm not particularly angry, but I wish he rots in a lifeless, sexless marriage from now on. Good luck with that, MM.. This pretty much describes my situation to a T however 2 adult children, a strange church scenario and He** would freeze over before I'd ever see, talk, text, email or send a smoke signal in his direction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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