StrangerThanFiction Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Anyone else find themselves bouncing back and forth between missing their ex, hating them, and just plain indifference towards them? Over the last week I've run that gauntlet. One day I'll feel sad and miss my ex bf. The next I couldn't care less about him. Then the very next I'll feel blinding hatred and anger towards him. The days I feel indifferent towards him make the other ones so much worse because I feel that I'm actually over him and then blammo--another unexpected dip on the emotional rollercoaster of healing from a failed relationship and I realize I still have a long way to go before I can get off this stupid ride. Why can't all the days be the indifferent ones? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Every damn day. The hatered is the best. Makes it easier to move on. Missing them makes you feel weak. Indifference makes you feel like you never really knew them at all. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
15Love Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Uuugh, the up and down is the WORST. You're right, the indifferent days make the days you miss em so much more surprising. Today was a great day, kept busy prepping for out of town family and once they arrive Friday I hope to get some serious NC days under ny belt. But then this evening in the back of my head, I was still like, REALLY, BUDDY? You're really not gonna call! Wtf! Can't wait till he never crosses my mind again. And if he does reach out I'll want nothing to do with his breadcrumby a$$ Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrangerThanFiction Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Every damn day. The hatered is the best. Makes it easier to move on. Missing them makes you feel weak. Indifference makes you feel like you never really knew them at all. I agree completely with 2/3 of those. The only one I feel slightly different about is the hatred. I find that when I'm in hate-phase I will stew about every little thing he had ever done to me and that holds me back from letting go. Working on that. Missing him makes me feel weak AND stupid. You're totally right about the indifference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrangerThanFiction Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Uuugh, the up and down is the WORST. You're right, the indifferent days make the days you miss em so much more surprising. Today was a great day, kept busy prepping for out of town family and once they arrive Friday I hope to get some serious NC days under ny belt. But then this evening in the back of my head, I was still like, REALLY, BUDDY? You're really not gonna call! Wtf! Can't wait till he never crosses my mind again. And if he does reach out I'll want nothing to do with his breadcrumby a$$ I know, right?! Still trying to figure out how it can go from one extreme to the other so quickly. Triggers, maybe? I'm so glad to hear today was a good one for you! It totally helps to have something to look forward to. And I know what you mean. I felt that way for the first week. Then I blocked him so even if he did call or text I'd never know and could just chalk up not hearing from him because he was blocked and not because he didn't reach out. It actually has really helped me not dwell on why he hasn't contacted me and what he might be doing. Is that kinda messed up logic? I don't know. I'm right there with you! I can't wait for the day where I wake up and realize I haven't thought about him in over a month and couldn't care less! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul86 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Anyone else find themselves bouncing back and forth between missing their ex, hating them, and just plain indifference towards them? Over the last week I've run that gauntlet. One day I'll feel sad and miss my ex bf. The next I couldn't care less about him. Then the very next I'll feel blinding hatred and anger towards him. The days I feel indifferent towards him make the other ones so much worse because I feel that I'm actually over him and then blammo--another unexpected dip on the emotional rollercoaster of healing from a failed relationship and I realize I still have a long way to go before I can get off this stupid ride. Why can't all the days be the indifferent ones? I have been bouncing around a lot too. Not so much anger - I never really had that with this relationship (even though I have plenty of things to be pissed off about.) Mostly sadness, missing her, and periods of indifference. Just know that every time you flip flop around emotionally, it takes a little bit less time to experience a different emotion. I don't know why we do this, but I suspect it is our subconscious processing away during our waking hours. One thing I have noticed is that even though I cycle through various emotions, the cycles are getting shorter and shorter. If anything, I am thankful that my emotions are varied. When processing and healing after a breakup - cycling emotionally is much more preferred than being stuck with one emotion. I'd take it as a sign of healing, and a sign to keep doing what you're doing, because it's working - even if progress feels miniscule at times. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yes. I bounce around too. It still hurts a ton. I shouldn't want her, I know she isn't good for me, I know she's emotionally shallow, and it kills me that she has someone else and that I keep comparing myself to the shadow of a man I've never met. I'm trying to get past this though. I'm trying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yes, nearing the 4 month mark of NC has done a number on my feelings. These are just some of my thoughts/feelings. 1. I miss him so damn much. 2. I realize my mistakes and I wonder how he stayed with me as long as he did. 3. Jealous that he's still with the girl he got together with 3 weeks after our breakup 4. Happy that he's happy. 5. Anger that he didn't talk to me about what he was feeling before he ended it. 6. Relief that I no longer have to measure up to his fiance, who died in 2010 (He never made me feel like I had to measure up, I just felt like I never would) In some ways, it kinda feels like the 5 stages of grief. Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Except lately, I've been bouncing around these stages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I agree completely with 2/3 of those. The only one I feel slightly different about is the hatred. I find that when I'm in hate-phase I will stew about every little thing he had ever done to me and that holds me back from letting go. Working on that. Missing him makes me feel weak AND stupid. You're totally right about the indifference. I use the hatred as reinforcement for why I am doing NC. And why I deserve better. I can fume at him all I want but in reality-- We can ONLY control what we do to others AND how we react to what others do to us. The situation is powerless without my reaction. Use the hate to let go. If you don't hate him anymore, what control does he have over you? None. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
learnbyliving Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I'm only on the 'weeks' scale right now but yes week 1: shock, initial strength, turning into grief near the end... week 2: utter grief and hurt, turning into indifference... week 3: indifference and normalcy in life, turning into resentment… week 4: resentment, and a return to analyzing the situation (but with less hurt!) week 5: acceptance (again) and trying to return to indifference Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 i like indifference. back to my life script and not theirs... where im a total and utter loser. heck! i loooooooooooooooooove indifference Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I'm 5 months post BU and its been like this so far: Month 1: Denial and Bargaining Month 2: Denial and Bargaining Month 3: Depression and Anger (Towards myself) Month 4: Fear and Anger Month 5: Fear and mild Acceptance For some reasons I don't want to feel indifference. I feel if I do then the relationship never happened. I know that's the point of NC and everything we've done so far, but I feel guilty knowing I'm going to look back and laugh at all this one day. It's weird, but yeah. I feel like that sometimes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 strangerthanfiction, Why can't all the days be the indifferent ones? because you are still healing, and you need time. Accept that your emotions will be all over the place for awhile yet. No-one can "speed-grieve". There is no set time for this, just try and ride it out. You can get through this, and you will. Good luck. x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imtrying211 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 My emotions seem to change multiple times a day and it's exhausting! 3 months post breakup and I don't think I've had an entire day of feeling stable. The mornings are usually when I miss him the most, still the first thought when I wake up is that he's gone. Then throughout the day I'll "convince" myself that I'm better off without him. I'll think about the situation and get angry, thinking F him. Then I'll miss him again. Lather, rinse, repeat every damn day! It doesn't help at all that I see him at work and we occasionally talk, wish I could completely delete him from my life. Being that I can't right now makes me fear that I will never be able to "get over him". Just seeing his face still makes my heart jump. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yes I'm right there with you , the waves of emotions are all over the place , from one min to the next Link to post Share on other sites
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