Juno Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 My MM is a lying, cheating sack of sh*t. I know he only wants me for sex and as an escape from his occasional bordome at home. He is self centered, selfish, and an ego maniac. Knowing all of the above I still can not forget about him or resist him when he layers on the charm. We have not engaged in the deed, but have set a date to hang out & whatever. Each day I convince myself to call him to cancel, but never do I feel so much hatred, and resentment towards him, but can not walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 So, do you normally gravitate to people you hate and resent? If not, why in this case? I recall the heady days of being a young OM and the strong emotions of competing desire, competition and fear, all of which led to a whole boatload of unfinished business that festered on for years. Looking back, I'd say fear was the most potent motivator; fear of loss. Of course, being young probably was a factor too. Maybe it's something some of us have to go through, IDK. In any event, hope you can work it out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to be emotionally invested in him. For falling victim to such rehoric from him as: Wife & I don't have sex anymore She doesn't know what she wants I'm done trying I would leave, but I don't know how She does't me appreciate me I love you I miss you I want you All lies just to get me in bed. I wouldn't be surprised that "afterwards" he would tell me that he wants to work on his marriage. The possibility that he may say that is really the only thing keeping me from this sack of sh*t. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Short of being physically chained, you, as an adult ,can at any moment , change. Do so. Normally I would thank the AP for keeping a man of this nature out of circulation , yet in your case, you seem to dabble in the wait and see milueu. How sad. Stop drinking the kool-aid and clear your heart and head. No one is that charming and deluded to be worth your time. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 My MM is a lying, cheating sack of sh*t. I know he only wants me for sex and as an escape from his occasional bordome at home. He is self centered, selfish, and an ego maniac. Knowing all of the above I still can not forget about him or resist him when he layers on the charm. We have not engaged in the deed, but have set a date to hang out & whatever. Each day I convince myself to call him to cancel, but never do I feel so much hatred, and resentment towards him, but can not walk away. Then find that anger and disgust and turn it inwards. BE ANGRY with yourself that you're letting a guy whom you KNOW is using you and manipulating you, continue to be in your life. Hold yourself accountable don't put all the blame on him. He knows exactly what buttons to push with you so you'll cave, he knows you're weak around him. Get mad, get pissed off and fight your lust for him, otherwise you WILL end up in bed with him some day soon. Sorry that my post is blunt, I just want to prevent you from making a mistake that will make things worse and you'll hurt more than you already are. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Stop blaming HIM for YOUR thoughts and actions. You are not only giving up your power and yourself but providing a tidy excuse for doing so as well - it was all him. (No it isn't.) Want to change? Then do so. (start with the lady in the mirror) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to be emotionally invested in him. For falling victim to such rehoric from him as: Wife & I don't have sex anymore She doesn't know what she wants I'm done trying I would leave, but I don't know how She does't me appreciate me I love you I miss you I want you All lies just to get me in bed. I wouldn't be surprised that "afterwards" he would tell me that he wants to work on his marriage. The possibility that he may say that is really the only thing keeping me from this sack of sh*t. If you go down that road, sorry but you'll have nobody to blame but yourself. You know he's full of shi,t and giving you lines to get you into bed, yet you still want him? Take a giant step back and be strong - You need to stop before it goes any further. And yes, he probably will sleep with you and then say he isn't leaving his wife, that he's okay having sex with you on the side and that's it, he loves his wife. He wants an affair with you, doesn't want a life with you. You deserve more so get your chastity belt on and lock it up so he can't stick his pin in you... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 The MM only loves himself. He has no love and respect for his wife, you, or women in general. Affairs are boring/ You meet and hang out for awhile and it means nothing. It is like going on a really bad date who does not dance, go to dinner, see movies, walk around the city. Single men do not have time constraints. These guys really need to ballsy up and go pay for street hookers. They are such losers they cannot even do that correctly. But of course they want to cake eat, want quality, want to sponge and use everything up. They are already lazy and married so why buy another cow if the milk is for free, they already have one. This is how these guys think...they are true assho____ sitting behind a fake façade of gentlemen, charming, and all that jazzy stuff. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 You mentioned you have not slept with him yet and you hate him. This is fantastic news, now if you really want to stop it, next time he contacts you tell him he has 3 options: 1- he can either go F__ himself. 2- He can go spend 40 dollars on a corner hooker. 3- Or he can go pay a few grand and get a pretend girlfriend for the night and then say buy buy...click. Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 "Affairs are boring/ You meet and hang out for awhile and it means nothing. It is like going on a really bad date who does not dance, go to dinner, see movies, walk around the city. Single men do not have time constraints." I know the above is a generalization, yet I will comment. Our A was never boring. We danced, went to dinner, saw a movie--once--not top of my fun list LOL. Walk around the city--YES! Sit alongside the water soaking up sun, one another, great food and drink--yes! Hang out for awhile--yes--with all our friends. Travel YES, all over! Go to Weddings together--Yes! Drive an hour plus for lunch- Yes! Wake up to breakfast delivered from another State on my doorstep just because- Yes. Gift one another heartfelt treasures --you betcha. Hang out at each others work--yes! Support one another emotionally--yes. Talk and never run out of things to share and listen--yes. Incrediable SEX and LOVE--YES! Hold one another and cry--yes! Never boring, never a bad date. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 "Affairs are boring/ You meet and hang out for awhile and it means nothing. It is like going on a really bad date who does not dance, go to dinner, see movies, walk around the city. Single men do not have time constraints." I know the above is a generalization, yet I will comment. Our A was never boring. We danced, went to dinner, saw a movie--once--not top of my fun list LOL. Walk around the city--YES! Sit alongside the water soaking up sun, one another, great food and drink--yes! Hang out for awhile--yes--with all our friends. Travel YES, all over! Go to Weddings together--Yes! Drive an hour plus for lunch- Yes! Wake up to breakfast delivered from another State on my doorstep just because- Yes. Gift one another heartfelt treasures --you betcha. Hang out at each others work--yes! Support one another emotionally--yes. Talk and never run out of things to share and listen--yes. Incrediable SEX and LOVE--YES! Hold one another and cry--yes! Never boring, never a bad date. Well you were pretty open with your affair. We are very well known in our city and we could meet for coffee in the morning and the word would be out by lunch. I am glad you got to actually have a regular relationship...it is not the norm. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 "Affairs are boring/ You meet and hang out for awhile and it means nothing. It is like going on a really bad date who does not dance, go to dinner, see movies, walk around the city. Single men do not have time constraints." I know the above is a generalization, yet I will comment. Our A was never boring. We danced, went to dinner, saw a movie--once--not top of my fun list LOL. Walk around the city--YES! Sit alongside the water soaking up sun, one another, great food and drink--yes!.... Are you recommending that OP start an affair with the "sack of sh*t" she has described, the one she hates and resents? Because I don't think that's a good idea. Maybe you can clarify (and keep in mind we should all be providing helpful advice and support to OP). Back to OP, I recommend you see a doctor for a full medical workup and possible referral for antidepressants. If your mood were normal and healthy, it would be easy to toss this sack where it belongs, basically in a wheelie bin. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Sole I didn't respond to the OP I responded to the quote in my reply. I went off topic on this forum--imagine that. Goodnight. Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to be emotionally invested in him. For falling victim to such rehoric from him as: Wife & I don't have sex anymore She doesn't know what she wants I'm done trying I would leave, but I don't know how She does't me appreciate me I love you I miss you I want you All lies just to get me in bed. I wouldn't be surprised that "afterwards" he would tell me that he wants to work on his marriage. The possibility that he may say that is really the only thing keeping me from this sack of sh*t. I think this is the same man I had an affair with. Lol. Of couse he's a lying sack of crap. He's a MM seeking sexual satisfaction from someone other then his wife. You are addicted to the thrill. It's such a high. And just wait, if you end up having sex, it will probably be the most passionate, hottest sex ever. However, as soon as he gets what he wants, he's going to throw you to the curb like the piece of crap that he thinks you are. But, don't worry. When he gets bored again at home, he'll call you again for some more hot sex. Then, you'll feel even more like garbage then you ever have in your life. And the more you let him string you along, the harder the addiction will be to break. You have no idea the awful roller-coaster you are about to face. It will change your life forever, in the worst possible way, I promise you. Walk away now, before you end up like me and all the OW on here that have been hurt like hell. I wish I would've gone on this forum before I decided to have an affair. I never imagined it would be as horrible as it was. You dont think right in the midst of an affair. . It's not like it is in the movies, trust me. Someone always ends up hurt and it won't be him. Edited July 16, 2015 by nikki76 3 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) the way a man see's/perceives you.. sadly, is the way he treats you. Find someone who see's you as their soulmate/wife ..and the mother of their unborn children. Find someone who puts you in the highest regard because truth is...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBjkN_NjRPs Edited July 16, 2015 by casey.lives Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 My MM is a lying, cheating sack of sh*t. I know he only wants me for sex and as an escape from his occasional bordome at home. He is self centered, selfish, and an ego maniac. Knowing all of the above I still can not forget about him or resist him when he layers on the charm. We have not engaged in the deed, but have set a date to hang out & whatever. Each day I convince myself to call him to cancel, but never do I feel so much hatred, and resentment towards him, but can not walk away. Well, being a lying, cheating sack of sh*t is the definition of most MM. It kind of comes with the territory. After all, most MM cannot tell the truth to OW and BS and expect to keep both of them where he wants them. He lies to BS about OW in order to keep his stable family life and he lies to OW about BS in order to get OW into bed and provide some excitement for him. It is what it is. Your hatred and resentment are really on you. You're freely choosing to engage this situation when you certainly don't have to. I know many men like your MM. I don't hate or resent them - I just stay far, far away from their dysfunction. You CAN walk away. You are choosing not to for reasons only you know, but don't blame that on him. That is on you. I hope you figure it out before hatred and resentment become part of your daily existence. That would be a tragic and miserable place to be stuck. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 I have had many conversations with him trying to stop the flirtation and to redirect our relationship. I have told him whatever is going on with us is toxic. He agreed to leave me alone, but return with days asking if I am still up set. I know my negative feelings towards him are my problem. I always said to myself I would never be sucked in by a MM advances. I have to be Queen Bee in a relationship. Yet here I am on the brink of being the OW. I feel the need to tell him & to explain to him why I can not move forward with him. But he will view this as a challenge $ will only tell me more fantastic stories about love & passion to get me to stay. I guess my best bet is to just go silent without any proclaimation or fanfare. Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I have had many conversations with him trying to stop the flirtation and to redirect our relationship. I have told him whatever is going on with us is toxic. He agreed to leave me alone, but return with days asking if I am still up set. I know my negative feelings towards him are my problem. I always said to myself I would never be sucked in by a MM advances. I have to be Queen Bee in a relationship. Yet here I am on the brink of being the OW. I feel the need to tell him & to explain to him why I can not move forward with him. But he will view this as a challenge $ will only tell me more fantastic stories about love & passion to get me to stay. I guess my best bet is to just go silent without any proclaimation or fanfare. Yep. There's no need to explain anything to him. He just ignores what you say and comes back anyway despite agreeing to leave you alone. What's the point of explaining anything to anyone who obviously has no respect for what you are saying in the first place? And seriously? "Fantastic stories about love & passion"? How old is he....12? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Some men are wordsmiths and really know how to stir up the emotions and keep women interested. They know how to manage the fine line between passion and hate. Up, down, around and around. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 The bottom line is that the fact that this man went outside his marriage to begin with made him a cheater. The rest is just disgusting gravy. Did you know he was married from the beginning, or did he lie about that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Here, the OP writes: "My Ex who I have not seen in 6 years has popped back up. Every 6 months we text to catch up. Well 2 years ago he neglected to tell me he had gotten married and was about to celebrate his 1 year anniversary. I happened to find out about his wedded bliss via all things....a selfie where his wedding band could clearly be seen. Fast forward, after bitter fights for the non-disclosure, we resumed our friendship of checking in with each other every 6 months until now. In our most recent chat he tells me that he loves me & can not stop thinking about me & we should meet up. Truly I would luv to, but I have a golden rule of not messing around with married men. Anywho...he is very guarded about sharing info regarding his wife or marriage, but in typical MM fashion will only say he is unhappy. So my problem is this....my defenses are wearing down from his chatter of love & reminiscing of our prior electrifying sex life. It appears there was some lack of disclosure and it also appears they had a prior relationship, then parted, and the man got married in the interim and didn't disclose that for a year after they got back into contact. OP, is that the same man and accurate? If yes, it appears you have a lot of history with this man and it's understandable how the emotions here can run strong and deep. I guess it'll just be a process. Take it one day at a time and slowly work through the stuff and finish the business. It's a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherSadSong Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yep. There's no need to explain anything to him. He just ignores what you say and comes back anyway despite agreeing to leave you alone. What's the point of explaining anything to anyone who obviously has no respect for what you are saying in the first place? And seriously? "Fantastic stories about love & passion"? How old is he....12? If there is a next time ask him to define love? His response will surely be funny! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I had a friend like him many years ago, he just liked the power he had over women when in a new relationship, they didn't know just how much of a sack of sh*t he really was because he didn't hang around long once he got what he wanted from them. He was never going to leave his wife, I think he liked the challenge of the hunt. I think you should think higher of yourself and run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Here, the OP writes: "My Ex who I have not seen in 6 years has popped back up. Every 6 months we text to catch up. Well 2 years ago he neglected to tell me he had gotten married and was about to celebrate his 1 year anniversary. I happened to find out about his wedded bliss via all things....a selfie where his wedding band could clearly be seen. Fast forward, after bitter fights for the non-disclosure, we resumed our friendship of checking in with each other every 6 months until now. In our most recent chat he tells me that he loves me & can not stop thinking about me & we should meet up. Truly I would luv to, but I have a golden rule of not messing around with married men. Anywho...he is very guarded about sharing info regarding his wife or marriage, but in typical MM fashion will only say he is unhappy. So my problem is this....my defenses are wearing down from his chatter of love & reminiscing of our prior electrifying sex life. It appears there was some lack of disclosure and it also appears they had a prior relationship, then parted, and the man got married in the interim and didn't disclose that for a year after they got back into contact. OP, is that the same man and accurate? If yes, it appears you have a lot of history with this man and it's understandable how the emotions here can run strong and deep. I guess it'll just be a process. Take it one day at a time and slowly work through the stuff and finish the business. It's a choice. Yes, same MM. Same lying sack of crap who denied being married when asked point blank. His excuse for not disclosing was that he feared I would never talk to him again. I told him numerous times that he made his choice, now be a good husband. To this he replied "he can't help how he feels about me". I am haunting him day & night. Oh brother! Can believe I fell for his pack of lies. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 You mentioned you have not slept with him yet and you hate him. This is fantastic news, now if you really want to stop it, next time he contacts you tell him he has 3 options: 1- he can either go F__ and then say buy buy...click. This reminds me off what I said to an Ex who I felt was using me for sex I told him to go and f*** a hole in the wall. He tried to act all hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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