Lying, Cheating. Sack of.....

[Juno]

My anger towards him has reached a boiling point because the date of our arranged meeting is drawing close. The closer it gets the more I realize I may be embarking on a journey into HELL.

 

He rarely speaks of his wife, but will say he is lonely, bored and unhappy. I'm a sucker for this sad puppy dog crap.

 

Carhill is correct. He is a wordsmith. How else could I explain agreeing to meet him? Additionally he even persuaded me to tell him the "L" word when that is the furthest from what I feel for him....I think.

[aliveagain]

Reading your post is like watching a train wreck, it hasn't happened yet but we all know it's coming yet with every curve in the track you do nothing to slow it down or stop it. Why, you write like an intelligent woman?

[Southern Sun]

My anger towards him has reached a boiling point because the date of our arranged meeting is drawing close. The closer it gets the more I realize I may be embarking on a journey into HELL.

 

He rarely speaks of his wife, but will say he is lonely, bored and unhappy. I'm a sucker for this sad puppy dog crap.

 

Carhill is correct. He is a wordsmith. How else could I explain agreeing to meet him? Additionally he even persuaded me to tell him the "L" word when that is the furthest from what I feel for him....I think.

 

Juno - just walk away. Quietly, no explanation is needed. This is YOUR life.

 

He is using you because you are allowing it. It will stop, but only when you stop allowing it. He will always try. You have to never allow it again.

[whichwayisup]

I have had many conversations with him trying to stop the flirtation and to redirect our relationship. I have told him whatever is going on with us is toxic. He agreed to leave me alone, but return with days asking if I am still up set.

 

I know my negative feelings towards him are my problem. I always said to myself I would never be sucked in by a MM advances. I have to be Queen Bee in a relationship. Yet here I am on the brink of being the OW.

 

I feel the need to tell him & to explain to him why I can not move forward with him. But he will view this as a challenge $ will only tell me more fantastic stories about love & passion to get me to stay.

 

I guess my best bet is to just go silent without any proclaimation or fanfare.

Stop explaining and just do! He has no respect for you. It's a cat and mouse game to him. If you stop playing and take control and stop allowing him to manipulate you, then you get what you want. He may not stop contacting you, fine you can't control him but you can control how you react and what you do (ignore him). Silence is best.

[Juno]

Stop explaining and just do! He has no respect for you. It's a cat and mouse game to him. If you stop playing and take control and stop allowing him to manipulate you, then you get what you want. He may not stop contacting you, fine you can't control him but you can control how you react and what you do (ignore him). Silence is best.

 

Easier said than done. I am no better equipped to ignore the advances of a persistent, and at times charming MM than any OW. Let's be real. It's an ego boost when someone desires you and appears to take risks to be with you. I have to become a super human to end this.

[ladydesigner]

Juno I would like to share some valuable info someone passed on to me. It seems these MM do this to both the OW and the BS. I like to refer to it as 'hoovering'

 

Here is some info I found on it. I get sucked in by my WH ALL the time. It might be useful to you

 

 

Hoovering is manipulation to gain control over your choice to distance yourself, and typically takes the following forms:

 

 

1. Ignoring your requests to break off the relationship and attempting to continue on as if nothing has changed.

 

2. Asking you when you’re going to “get over it” and return to your past actions.

 

3. Sending you a fake apology to give you hope that things have changed.

 

4. Trying to trick you into contact by saying someone needs you, is sick, or in trouble.

 

5. Triangulating with others, communicating things to you through them.

 

6. Saying they’re worried about you, concerned about whether you’re okay, need to know where you are, etc.

 

7. Sending unwanted cards, messages and gifts, sometimes gifts for your children, as they know you are likely to feel guilty about keeping a gift from your kids. Don’t allow this – exposing your children to manipulation is far worse!

 

8. Returning old items you left behind.

 

9. Baiting you with drama games.

 

10. Contacting you about “important” things they “forgot” and suddenly have to tell you.

 

Attempts to pull you back into a toxic relationship are not valid expressions of caring and concern — they are attempts to regain control over your behavior. Beware — hoovering attempts are often disguised as caring, loneliness, hurt, desperation, fear, illness, and other things designed to play on your sympathies and pull you back.

[AnotherSadSong]

Juno I would like to share some valuable info someone passed on to me. It seems these MM do this to both the OW and the BS. I like to refer to it as 'hoovering'

 

Here is some info I found on it. I get sucked in by my WH ALL the time. It might be useful to you

 

 

Hoovering is manipulation to gain control over your choice to distance yourself, and typically takes the following forms:

 

 

1. Ignoring your requests to break off the relationship and attempting to continue on as if nothing has changed.

 

2. Asking you when you’re going to “get over it” and return to your past actions.

 

3. Sending you a fake apology to give you hope that things have changed.

 

4. Trying to trick you into contact by saying someone needs you, is sick, or in trouble.

 

5. Triangulating with others, communicating things to you through them.

 

6. Saying they’re worried about you, concerned about whether you’re okay, need to know where you are, etc.

 

7. Sending unwanted cards, messages and gifts, sometimes gifts for your children, as they know you are likely to feel guilty about keeping a gift from your kids. Don’t allow this – exposing your children to manipulation is far worse!

 

8. Returning old items you left behind.

 

9. Baiting you with drama games.

 

10. Contacting you about “important” things they “forgot” and suddenly have to tell you.

 

Attempts to pull you back into a toxic relationship are not valid expressions of caring and concern — they are attempts to regain control over your behavior. Beware — hoovering attempts are often disguised as caring, loneliness, hurt, desperation, fear, illness, and other things designed to play on your sympathies and pull you back.

 

 

Amen! You are spot on Ladydesigner.

[Juno]

So it appears MM has taken a renewed interest in his marriage now that wife has a new prestigious job in academia.

 

He continues to text me, but the content has changed.

 

I will go NC and thank my lucky stars I may have dodged a bullet.

[AnotherSadSong]

Cut the guy off completely. He is using you for validation and supply. Let him deal with his own life in Big boy fashion. I think you may miss the drama and attention. This is what this relationship sounds like. Make it so his texts will not go through.

[Juno]

So it appears MM has taken a renewed interest in his marriage now that wife has a new prestigious job in academia.

 

He continues to text me, but the content has changed.

 

I will go NC and thank my lucky stars I may have dodged a bullet.

 

So...I have been NC since my last post. OM has texted me, but I completely ignored him and didn't respond. Just the other day, he called me late at night and I answered without looking at the caller ID. He ripped me a new one...saying how sh*tty it was of me not to respond to his messages and he thought better of me. I was caught off guard and pretty much just let him vent.

 

By the end of the call he told me not to call him, not to text him, because he won't answer or reply. He even said he was going to block me (which he did). I am scratching my head. I wasn't contacting him anyway, so why all the drama and declarations of no responding and blocking me.

 

Crazy is what crazy does I guess, or this a ploy to get me to chase him?

[somany]

or this a ploy to get me to chase him?

 

yep, and a very dumb one. He sounds like a teenager!

[Juno]

yep, and a very dumb one. He sounds like a teenager!

 

I'm so baffled. He had so much anger which is misplaced. He said he's tired of being lonely, and waiting for me. In the beginning we did flirt a bit, but I told him I didn't want to date a married man, yet he continue to pursue. I think when I went NC it bruised his ego and now he is trying to return the favor. He should have quietly went away, especially when someone isn't responding to you. But all of this drama so he can appear to have the upper hand. I now see this is the type of behavior I would have to expect from him if we did have an affair.

 

How can he hold others to such a high standard when he is so eagerly prepared to lye and cheat on his wife.

 

I'm almost tempted to call him from another number and give him a piece of my mind (the worst piece). I sure he would enjoy getting a rise out of me, so I won't. What an a-hole.

[Juno]

His parting words were I'm tired of being lonely, I'm tired of waiting for you. I will find someone. Life is too short. I will block you.

 

The more I think about what he said, the more angry I become.

Why do I even care?

[HtotheN]

My ex-MM said nearly all of those things to me. Cancel the "date."

 

Edited to add after reading everything else you posted: Steer clear of that one. He is trying to manipulate you.

Edited July 30, 2015 by HtotheN

[IfWishesWereHorses]

His parting words were I'm tired of being lonely, I'm tired of waiting for you. I will find someone. Life is too short. I will block you.

 

The more I think about what he said, the more angry I become.

Why do I even care?

 

The worst thing you can do (to him) when he says those things is agree with him. "You know, you're right! That's probably the best course, have a nice life!"

[Juno]

My ex-MM said nearly all of those things to me. Cancel the "date."

 

Edited to add after reading everything else you posted: Steer clear of that one. He is trying to manipulate you.

 

 

 

Do you think he will try to contact me again?

[Ifalltopieces]

Do you think he will try to contact me again?

 

Yep. Right now he is punishing you. Making you "pay" for hurting him and his fragile little ego. He will contact you again. Be ready.

 

Your MM sounds just like mine? Maybe it's the same guy? Wouldn't doubt it.

Stay strong!!! Take it from someone that has initiated NC several times and allowed MM to break it every time.

 

It's not worth it. I kick myself for going back. My journey to healing would already be started but my true hell is just now beginning.

[RainDown]

Do you think he will try to contact me again?

 

Yes, he will. You just showed him you are still in the game when you accepted his call and allowed him to use you as a target for his ranting.

 

He'll continue to come back as long as you continue to play.

[elaine567]

An affair is a huge ego boost to any man, two besotted women, sex, intimacy and comfort on tap, what is not to like?

 

Other woman gets a bit pissed off, she goes NC.

OK that's not good, she needs to be brought back into the fold, I will not tolerate that, bit of anger, bit of neediness, bit of vulnerability on my part, that'll make her see she still needs me.

 

She needs to see that I am no pushover though, she misbehaves, she deals with the consequences, I can replace her, I know I can. She is angry now but she will miss me, she'll be back, begging...

If not, a bit of sweet talk, a bit of ILY, a bit of "I am so lonely without you", some flirty texts, flowers, a gift, a bit of future faking and she will still be putty.

[StellaGrace]

And all I could think about was the woman he is married to - what's her side and how would she feel? The whole thing seems myopically selfish.

[Juno]

And all I could think about was the woman he is married to - what's her side and how would she feel? The whole thing seems myopically selfish.

 

What do you mean? Aren't all affairs essentially selfish acts?

[Juno]

An affair is a huge ego boost to any man, two besotted women, sex, intimacy and comfort on tap, what is not to like?

 

Other woman gets a bit pissed off, she goes NC.

OK that's not good, she needs to be brought back into the fold, I will not tolerate that, bit of anger, bit of neediness, bit of vulnerability on my part, that'll make her see she still needs me.

 

She needs to see that I am no pushover though, she misbehaves, she deals with the consequences, I can replace her, I know I can. She is angry now but she will miss me, she'll be back, begging...

If not, a bit of sweet talk, a bit of ILY, a bit of "I am so lonely without you", some flirty texts, flowers, a gift, a bit of future faking and she will still be putty.

 

You are spot on!

 

I was fine doing NC, ignoring his texts. Now that he has managed to get me on the phone and essentially flipped everything around....like I was stalking/harassing him and he felt the need to block me. I know this is his crazy arse tactic to get me to come crawling back to him. As much as I know this...it's kind of working. I mean...I want to contact him to tell him off. If I do...he wins because he has gotten a reaction out of me. I won't and will view this as a good thing, but can't get over how completely crazy his behavior is.

[Juno]

He says he is bored & lonely. How is this my fault? I don't understand his anger towards me. Shouldn't this be direct at his wife. Oh how I wish I never answered his call the other night. I was sailing thur with NC, now I am tormented with constant thoughts of him.

 

Please help me understand my mixed emotions.

[nikki76]

He says he is bored & lonely. How is this my fault? I don't understand his anger towards me. Shouldn't this be direct at his wife. Oh how I wish I never answered his call the other night. I was sailing thur with NC, now I am tormented with constant thoughts of him.

 

Please help me understand my mixed emotions.

 

I think this is exactly what he meant to do, when he contacted you. He wants to make sure you haven't forgotten about him. He wants to torment you, He wants you to be wishy washy with your emotions so you'll give in and contact him to try to clear the air with him. Then he'll have you hooked.

 

Do not fall for it. Because then he wins. He's going to come fishing back if you dont contact him soon. When you don't respond, you'll have your power back. It's all about the power in this game and you want it all!

[nikki76]

My xmm did this to me too. Kept texting /emailing me and I ignored for awhile. He started saying please contact me, I really need to talk to you. I thought maybe something happened.

So I gave in. And he had nothing to say except the same bull crap lies. Oh how hurt he was that I went cold turkey. And he couldn't believe after everything we had , I would do that. And a few other things. I left the conversation feeling more hurt and confused then before.

 

So of course, my mind wandered for a few weeks and I felt I had to contact him. And then BAM. We were back into the pointless EA, that lead absolutely nowhere. And ended up hurting me even more until I finally saw the light and cut him off completely.

 

These men are all the same. They all have their sneaky ways of picking at our brains to make us come crawling back.

Be strong and break the cycle. Do not let him win!

(Can you tell how strongly I believe in the power of NC lol)