Lying, Cheating. Sack of.....

[Juno]

...thinking about MM. It was easier when I ignored his texts, but when he called to tell me he would block me and in fact did, I cannot stop thinking about him.

 

 

I try to socialize with friends and go out for drinks, but when I do I almost drunk dial him. When I take sleeping pills to sleep, I only end up dreaming about him. When my phone dings to alert me of a new text, I jump, and damn near trip over myself to answer in hopes it is him. What is wrong with me and when will this ever end?

 

 

Maybe I should just engage someone new...anyone to take my mind off of him? Will that work or will I only make comparisons?

 

 

I wonder if he his thinking about me as much as I am thinking about him? After all the purpose of blocking me wasn't so much to keep me from contacting him, but more to keep him from responding if I did (because I am so irresistible).

[Midwestmissy]

Time is all that works. It's all I had when my h cheated on me.

[Juno]

Time is all that works. It's all I had when my h cheated on me.

 

How much time? It has already been 6 years.

[Midwestmissy]

Then you need therapy. That's too long to hold onto something you can't have. Live your life, you only get one and it can be fabulous.

[whatatangledweb]

Your time just started as you just went NC. She didn't mean time while in the affair.

[Juno]

So it appears MM has taken a renewed interest in his marriage now that wife has a new prestigious job in academia.

He continues to text me, but the content has changed.

 

I will go NC and thank my lucky stars I may have dodged a bullet.

 

So yea, I'm quoting myself. Still no contact from MM, so I googled him because I am losing my mind.

 

I find his wife's new job bio, which she states where they live, the hobbies they share, their pets at home, how they met, and his professional profile.

 

Such the happy picture she painted. Like all is perfect in their marriage. This is far from the depiction I received from him.

 

This is what I mean...professionally they are a perfect match, they compliment each other very well. He would never leave her to pursue his lust/love for another. As hurtful as seeing this information plastered all over the internet was, it is what I needed to reinforce what I already believed...he wants someone to only fulfill his his funky peen desires. A distraction from his straight laced life at home.

 

The ILY, miss you, dreaming of you he told me...Ugh!

[whichwayisup]

So yea, I'm quoting myself. Still no contact from MM, so I googled him because I am losing my mind.

 

I find his wife's new job bio, which she states where they live, the hobbies they share, their pets at home, how they met, and his professional profile.

 

Such the happy picture she painted. Like all is perfect in their marriage. This is far from the depiction I received from him.

 

This is what I mean...professionally they are a perfect match, they compliment each other very well. He would never leave her to pursue his lust/love for another. As hurtful as seeing this information plastered all over the internet was, it is what I needed to reinforce what I already believed...he wants someone to only fulfill his his funky peen desires. A distraction from his straight laced life at home.

 

The ILY, miss you, dreaming of you he told me...Ugh!

 

You need to stop googling and allow yourself to detach and grieve. I hope seeing what you read online really has made you see reality.

 

If you can't work through this on your own, please get to counseling. Don't let him stay inside your head. He's living life with his wife and probably not thinking of you half as much as you think about him. Such a waste... PUSH yourself and distract yourself to stop thinking and fantasizing about him.

[Juno]

You need to stop googling and allow yourself to detach and grieve. I hope seeing what you read online really has made you see reality.

 

If you can't work through this on your own, please get to counseling. Don't let him stay inside your head. He's living life with his wife and probably not thinking of you half as much as you think about him. Such a waste... PUSH yourself and distract yourself to stop thinking and fantasizing about him.

 

I knew googling would be hurtful & wrong, but it was either that or break no contact, which I did not do.

[whichwayisup]

I knew googling would be hurtful & wrong, but it was either that or break no contact, which I did not do.

 

You come on here and write out what you want to say to him. Or you call a friend and ask her to talk you out of contacting him. Googling is breaking contact on your end on some level, it keeps the feelings alive and flowing, keeps him in your head. Venting and letting out your emotions on here or in a journal will help you relieve that pain and stress.