DexterLS Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hey there, I am a freelance Web Developer and I have recently gone through a pretty bad breakup. In summary: - Relationship of 6 years. - She cheated and dumped me for someone else. - She is still with the other guy. - She didn't even give me back the ring. Anyway, being a freelancer during a breakup is hell. I tend to procrastinate a lot while dealing with all of it. However, I do get a lot of job offers and I can easily get into a 9-5 job that will take a lot of my time and help meet new people etc. However, I have never really thrived in a 9-5 job. I really love my job as a Freelancer, but however it's getting trickier day by day to help me stay motivated and certainly working alone is not helping me at all during this difficult time. Should I just take a 9-5 job? Advice please. Link to post Share on other sites
AppleKakes Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 IMO, the "job" is not the issue...having a "life" is Job is to pay the bills. If you're fortunate to have found a great job that pays the bills, then great. I think it's part of this new generation's thing (where the workplace is now very "feminized") where this whole "I need to follow my dreams and the workplace is where my dreams SHOULD be fulfilled" is being shoveled down people's throats. I highly recommend you find hobbies, friends, volunteering, goals, physical activity and actually enjoy "life". Shoot, maybe get a pet even. Life isn't all about work and if all you have is work and sitting around waiting for an SO to make you happy then I believe you are setting yourself up for failure. IMO, that saying "love yourself before you love others" is something I'm really looking at now a days in a more defined light...When you are "complete" and happy with yourself, you are not gonna "need" someone to fill a void inside of you you're gonna "want" someone to be with you. In other words when it comes to RLs, you are gonna be more of a "take it or leave it" type situation. So, if you suffer a break up, it won't destroy you. It'll sting for a minute and you'll move on. Loving yourself entails having a life. So, again, IMO, the thing to help you here isn't the job - but having a life. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hey there, I am a freelance Web Developer and I have recently gone through a pretty bad breakup. In summary: - Relationship of 6 years. - She cheated and dumped me for someone else. - She is still with the other guy. - She didn't even give me back the ring. Anyway, being a freelancer during a breakup is hell. I tend to procrastinate a lot while dealing with all of it. However, I do get a lot of job offers and I can easily get into a 9-5 job that will take a lot of my time and help meet new people etc. However, I have never really thrived in a 9-5 job. I really love my job as a Freelancer, but however it's getting trickier day by day to help me stay motivated and certainly working alone is not helping me at all during this difficult time. Should I just take a 9-5 job? Advice please. Yikes. I get it; I went through something similar many years ago - the end of my marriage due to exH's cheating, even as I tried to get a freelance career going. Frankly, I eventually took a 9-5 job and it gave me a much-needed anchor at that point in my life. But I didn't have experience as a freelancer so I didn't have any self-determined structures in place at that point. I was brand-new to the field, I didn't have regular clients or templates for queries or anything and was trying to get it all off the ground; basically, I was doing a lot of flailing trying to figure out what to do on a daily basis, even as I suffered. It sounds like you're already somewhat established and well beyond that phase. So is the problem finding work? Or keeping deadlines? The hustle seems like it would be the trickiest part when you're reeling inside. Do you have any regular clients that can keep the work pipeline open for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 IMO, the "job" is not the issue...having a "life" is Job is to pay the bills. If you're fortunate to have found a great job that pays the bills, then great. I think it's part of this new generation's thing (where the workplace is now very "feminized") where this whole "I need to follow my dreams and the workplace is where my dreams SHOULD be fulfilled" is being shoveled down people's throats. I highly recommend you find hobbies, friends, volunteering, goals, physical activity and actually enjoy "life". Shoot, maybe get a pet even. Life isn't all about work and if all you have is work and sitting around waiting for an SO to make you happy then I believe you are setting yourself up for failure. IMO, that saying "love yourself before you love others" is something I'm really looking at now a days in a more defined light...When you are "complete" and happy with yourself, you are not gonna "need" someone to fill a void inside of you you're gonna "want" someone to be with you. In other words when it comes to RLs, you are gonna be more of a "take it or leave it" type situation. So, if you suffer a break up, it won't destroy you. It'll sting for a minute and you'll move on. Loving yourself entails having a life. So, again, IMO, the thing to help you here isn't the job - but having a life. Good luck I do have a life. I go out, hit the gym, play football with my friends. However, they are not always free and 90% of the time, I am alone in front of my computer, and, lately it hasn't been easy at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yikes. I get it; I went through something similar many years ago - the end of my marriage due to exH's cheating, even as I tried to get a freelance career going. Frankly, I eventually took a 9-5 job and it gave me a much-needed anchor at that point in my life. But I didn't have experience as a freelancer so I didn't have any self-determined structures in place at that point. I was brand-new to the field, I didn't have regular clients or templates for queries or anything and was trying to get it all off the ground; basically, I was doing a lot of flailing trying to figure out what to do on a daily basis, even as I suffered. It sounds like you're already somewhat established and well beyond that phase. So is the problem finding work? Or keeping deadlines? The hustle seems like it would be the trickiest part when you're reeling inside. Do you have any regular clients that can keep the work pipeline open for you? I do have regular clients. The issue is more about keeping deadlines at this point. I am already a week late on a project. The client is very understanding and know I will ultimately deliver the work but I have/still am procrastinating a lot when it comes to work. My friends incl. my parents have suggested me to take a 9-5 job where I will be surrounded by people, have new friends and it will be a lot more helpful than staying at home and sleeping all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Take a 9-to-5 job in a big company. Give it about a year. Then re-evaluate and either stay on or go back to freelancing. Although a job is a big decision, it doesn't "freeze" the rest of your life. It's just for now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I would definitely take the 9-5 job. It magically makes you forget bad feelings because it forces you to concentrate on the work. And the environment definitely helps because it's more social. On the other hand, maybe you could look into renting a shared office for your freelance activities? Is there such a possibility? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AppleKakes Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I do have a life. I go out, hit the gym, play football with my friends. However, they are not always free and 90% of the time, I am alone in front of my computer, and, lately it hasn't been easy at all. Well, sounds like you're still relying on others to do anything with yourself. Volunteering can take up a lot of your time. And, you can do it by yourself. When you show up for the volunteering event - you'll see others you can communicate with. Also, there's meet-up groups. You can sign up for more than one, so you can pull out your calendar and plan out your "fun". Hobbies can take up time too and you can do them alone. For example. If at your gym they offer spinning/yoga/racketball and even though you don't need spinning/racketball/yoga - the thing is you're gonna give these classes a try. Learning something new is cool. Plus, you can get out of the house and meet more/new friends. Pets are great - dogs are better cuz unlike cats they "need" you. You have to walk them, play with them, groom them - etc. I mean, again, if you want to fill your time with work then I guess that's what works for you and some people...but seriously, IMO, if you had a life, this thing with the gf wouldn't be such a dent in your life. I mean, I watch people who only have "work" in their life. IMO, their life sucks. They work, come home, plop in front of the TV. That's their sucky life. They have no interests, activities, and/or dreams/goals. So, then they sit around waiting on a SO and/or kids to make them happy. And, when they meet a SO, they have noting to give that SO cuz they have no "life", they lean on that SO to be their sun, moon, etc. Now, if they find another SO as equally boring, they just sit around and waste away and pretty much are roommates. So, you have two sucky people who just sit around, get up, go to work, and plop on the couch staring at each other.... Oh, and if they have kids. Same thing like you looking for a job to occupy their time. They only default into having kids cuz again, they have no life and yep, kids will keep you busy. So, if working is the only way you see yourself having satisfaction in life, then I don't know, maybe time to consider if there's more to life than just working. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AppleKakes Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 One more thing I wanna emphasize... Yes, while working a 9 to 5 will occupy your time, even with traffic, gym and shooting hoops and friends now and then, IMO, as a single, childless/petless person you have sooo much time on your hands still. I mean, what are you gonna do to occupy your weekends when the 9 to 5 isn't gonna be there. So, if you wanna do the 9 to 5, fine...But still, getting hobbies, volunteering, goals, pet, etc (a "life") IMO, will give you more to do and enrich your living experience. When my doggy died years ago, while I worked a 9 to 5, had a long commute, had friends, volunteered, was seeing a guy, and worked out on the regular - the house was soooo freakin' quiet when I came home every day till I finally put my fears of losing a dog again aside and got a new pet...just sayin' 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks a lot for your responses. I really appreciate it. Obviously, I would love to keep my Freelancing job but it's not helping me out at all at this point. I tried everything, getting new hobbies, hitting the gym, even volunteering but I still have a lot of time on my own and it's hell. I will take this week-end to think about it but I am seriously considering a 9-5 job for the short term until I can get back on my feet again. Thanks again, Dexter Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I don't see anything wrong with taking a 9-5 job for the meantime, especially if it's a job relevant to your field that will boost your career and offer networking opportunities with potential future clients. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I don't really see how a 9 to 5 job is going to sort you out. Have you tried any time management activities or anything to help you compartmentalize your thoughts? It seems like you're trying to shuffle your lack of focus onto someone else's dime, which isn't really fair. Link to post Share on other sites
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