startinganew777 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I work a full time job but have a 9/80 work schedule and I am off every other Friday. I LOVE my Fridays off and use it to run errands, doct. appt. and spend time with my dogs. My brother asked me to watch my little nephew, which I absolutely love by the way, on my Fridays off when his girlfriend goes back to work soon. My nephew is 5months old and a good baby but waking up early on my day off and driving 20 miles away to watch him all day long, probably without pay, seems like work to me. I really cherish my Fridays off and I feel really guilty saying no to them. It would be a good chance to get to know my nephew but there is a reason I didn't have kids. I love kids but I love my me time way more. Plus my dogs would be stuck inside all day long with no break that day and I would feel horrible about that. At least on my work days I can go home on my lunch break and let them out for a bit. I said I could maybe do it if they dropped him off at my place but my brother's girlfriend is not an animal lover and with me having 2 dogs and a cat, I understand why she wouldn't want her baby there. Am I being selfish? I mean, what would you guys do in this situation? I would even do it half a day so I could get my other stuff done but I don't think they can do that. They need someone all day long. I also petsit on the side which takes up a lot of my time. I feel like I have too much going on already to be able to commit to having my Fridays off completely booked all day. Ugh, does this make me a bad person? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
MM1234 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 No, you aren't selfish. This arrangement only benefits them. That was very presumptuous of them to ask this of you. You love your Fridays off, keep it that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I think they have a darn cheek asking you to give up your spare time, use your gas and hang out at their place to babysit for free. Tell them no and don't feel guily or selfish about it. My ex. SIL looked after my son when I went back to work part-time, I paid her and dropped him off and picked him up from her place....and when I went fulltime, I put him in a proper daycare centre. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If anything, your brother should be wondering if he's offending YOU by asking you to watch his kid for free, drive 20 miles each way, and on your day off! Your dogs are your children and they deserve your attention - you're all they have and they spend their whole lives waiting for you to come home and love on them! You may love your nephew and all, but he's their responsibility, not yours. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about!! I mean, really, did all the daycares close up around there? If they don't have money for it, that's too bad - they'll have to drop some of their cable channels to pay for it, then. Better yet, SHE can stay home on Fridays. If her job won't let her, then BabyMama will just have to find another job. It's not YOUR problem, in other words. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 There are ways to compromise , try one Friday a month. I'm sure if you sit and discuss some options can be arranged. Consider it a compliment that they entrust you. My family turned to one another because we wanted that family kinship built upon. A daycare just doesn't have that family security. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Nope - you aren't selfish. You are pragmatic and they are trying to use you for free babysitting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBug Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 There are ways to compromise , try one Friday a month. I'm sure if you sit and discuss some options can be arranged. Consider it a compliment that they entrust you. My family turned to one another because we wanted that family kinship built upon. A daycare just doesn't have that family security. I understand the part about family security, I'd totally hate to have a stranger watch my child, but I don't feel the OP should feel obliged to strike a deal with them in any form unless she wants to. People who are easily guilted/too nice get taken advantage of all the time, and that one Friday a month is going to turn into 2 Fridays a month, then some other drama is going to pop up and it'll be "every Friday...just for now!!" until the kid heads off to college. I feel for the OP. I've had to refuse a couple of gigantic favors from family members and am so glad I did. In one case, I dodged a MAJOR bullet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I understand the part about family security, I'd totally hate to have a stranger watch my child, but I don't feel the OP should feel obliged to strike a deal with them in any form unless she wants to. People who are easily guilted/too nice get taken advantage of all the time, and that one Friday a month is going to turn into 2 Fridays a month, then some other drama is going to pop up and it'll be "every Friday...just for now!!" until the kid heads off to college. I feel for the OP. I've had to refuse a couple of gigantic favors from family members and am so glad I did. In one case, I dodged a MAJOR bullet. Thanks Daisy for your difference of opinions. . A favor was asked, both are inclined to accept, deny or negotiate. Your level of projecting is not indicative of the reality. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I like the idea of one Friday a month. That gives them a cost-free Friday of babysitting, and you still have YOUR time. Family is wonderful. Family should not keep us from having a life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 IF you offer once a month, make sure it's clear you'll be getting paid for it. Now, if they'd like you to babysit once in a while for free just so you can bond, that's fine. But a regular arrangement for you to be 'available'? No. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) Now you did specifically ask what others would do... I'd do it in a heartbeat if I were in a position to be able to. I love spending time with my nieces and nephews, and have indeed babysat them many times. I'm Godmother to two I'd probably stay with them on Thursday night and make them feed, spoil and entertain me (as they do). Then get SIL to get the baby ready and wake me up when she heads out to work. Five-month olds are so easily transportable! I'm thinking a baby harness and head out and do... whatever bubs and I feel like doing! (Now a toddler... that would require a bit more tactical planning.) Payment? From family? That is just the most alien concept in the world to me :/ Now that's not to say it would be open ended or without parameters. But we'd work it out. I trust my brother implicitly in all things. He has never let me down. But that's just me and my family. Are you selfish for making the choice you have? No. Because you've made it in the context of you and yours. Edited July 19, 2015 by SolG Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 I just told them I can watch my nephew every once in a while here and there but can't make a commitment to my every other Fridays off because I have too much going on already. I petsit on the side already, I took up Stand Up Paddleboarding recently, classes are on Fridays and I usually schedule my doct. appt. on those days so I don't have to take time off from work. They said then needed someone on every Friday anyways, so they are still looking. So it all worked out I guess. They didn't seem upset so all is good. I told them if it is urgent and they need someone last minute, to call me and I would help them out if I could. Thanks all for your opinions and suggestions. My brother hasn't always been there for me and we are not close at all so that was another reason for my decision. I did end up babysitting Friday night for them when they went to a concert so they know I am there for them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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