Loose Wife?

[Got it]

SSR - I apologize if my last post was not clear and sounded insulting at all. I truly hope you find peace, in whatever manner that is best for you, and I hope you find your happiness again.

 

I don't know if you wife will every be able to give you what you need but I hope you find that you have the power within you to find your peace and happiness regardless of her.

 

Good luck with your life.

[road]

If you needed to know about her past before you moved the relationship forward then you should of found out. So she put out on 1st dates.

 

If you did not want other men to bang her then you should of not dumped her.

 

If she dated while you were separated and you needed to know all then you needed to get all the facts out before you asked to date you again and then marry you.

 

You needed to tell her that her not being truthful would be a deal breaker, though you did not.

 

Any way when you dumped her you lost the right to be made at her for doing other men. No denying this fact.

 

You are using her lying to you as a cover up for shifting the blame from you onto her.

 

No way you can blame her for doing other men when you dumped her. And that is what you are trying to indirectly do.

[m.snow]

What makes you think you have the right?

The reason you don't have that right is for the very reason you expound here.

you're being judgemental.

 

marriage based on a lie. the foundations are weak.

she lied to him and that's that!

 

the fault is not on him. would you fault an honest man.

he has his preferences on who he wants to marry.

 

and she lied to get to him. she already dug the grave and has been nailing her own coffin ever since.

 

this poor man who wasted all his energy and effort based on a lie.

if the foundation was a lie then everything beyond that is a lie.

 

how can you stand before the altar and lie to the one you love.

that is cruel,cold and disheartening.

 

she was only thinking of herself, the selfishness is insurmountable.

what she wanted was not love merely lust

wife should never confuse her lust for him for love.

for true love is truthful

 

if she truly loved him she should have been honest. and accepted whether he would love her. amen

 

it is her fault that she lied. not his. to each his own.

promiscuity, what if there was STD. did he check himself?

 

i pray he has now checked for HIV. cause the danger is very realistic

 

marriage is where the buck stops. and the lies end.

 

wife should file for divorce and ask nothing of him.

 

i believe no amount of consolation can assuage this man suffering.

we can only pray that this honest man can find true love.

 

i hope somehow that ls community can comfort you in your suffering.

Edited July 25, 2015 by m.snow

[SSJROMANCE]

If you needed to know about her past before you moved the relationship forward then you should of found out. So she put out on 1st dates.

 

If you did not want other men to bang her then you should of not dumped her.

 

If she dated while you were separated and you needed to know all then you needed to get all the facts out before you asked to date you again and then marry you.

 

You needed to tell her that her not being truthful would be a deal breaker, though you did not.

 

Any way when you dumped her you lost the right to be made at her for doing other men. No denying this fact.

 

You are using her lying to you as a cover up for shifting the blame from you onto her.

 

No way you can blame her for doing other men when you dumped her. And that is what you are trying to indirectly do.

 

 

I did ask her before we started dating and before we got back together. Rather lengthy discussions I might add. She simply lied and withheld information. I will blame her for that 100%. She knew not telling me the truth was a deal breaker. She knew the person I was looking for. Not sure what there is to blame me. She did all the lying. She did all the messing around. It is her slutty morals and values. Would you mind addressing my original question?

[SJC2008]

After two years of dating she was sleeping with someone leas than two weeks later? Sounds like she has major codependency issues.

[road]

Before I had met my wife she had slept with many guys on the first or second date. I did not know this until after we were married. I asked specifically about her past before marriage and she had lied. Of course I am extremely upset about this but there is one in particular I am devastated about. After about 2 years of dating (about her longest relationship she had ever had) I broke up with her. She says I was the love of her life and all the guys before me didn't come close. We got back together 6 weeks later and eventually got married. I told her I would get back together with her as long as she hadn't been with anybody else during our breakup. She said of course not. Well I find out she lied.

 

 

 

Exactly what did you ask?

 

 

Only after about a week being broke up she gave her phone number out to a guy at a bar. He called her some days later and asked to meet her out. She agreed. He came back to her house stayed the night and had sex 4 different times throughout the night - some unprotected sex. She said she told him no at first but then agreed. She was a full participant asking him to initially to wear a rubber and even performed oral sex on him. She denies she was a participant. How can that be?

 

The problem I have besides that this happened is that she said she didn't want any of this. She said she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. She said she didn't want him. She said she wanted him to go away. She said she told him over and over she wasn't over me. She said she didn't want him to come back to her house. She said she didn't want him to stay. She said she didn't want to have sex. She said he was controlling and felt controlled by him. She had plenty of opportunities to get rid of him and even not meet him at all but she failed to do any of it.

 

I know my wife has low self-esteem issues and insecurities and people pleasing issues but I reject these excuses for what happened. If she really wasn't looking for a boyfriend and didn't want this person then insecurities and low self esteem shouldn't come into play correct? Maybe she met him out because of her people pleasing issues but to allow everything else to happen against her will is beyond people pleasing. Having sex with a stranger only because he wanted to but she didn't I cannot wrap my mind around.

 

In my opinion her story of not wanting him doesn't fit her actions and behavior that night and our marriage is suffering. Even though it's been so long ago I never wanted to marry a person who was capable of these things especially considering my background which is completely the opposite. I would have more respect for her if she just said I wanted to have sex that night but she continues to deny that and continues to say she didn't want any of it to happen.

 

Who thinks she is telling the truth and who thinks she just doesn't want to admit she played more of a role in this than she is admitting to me. We are seeing a marriage counselor but it's just not working. At the last appointment he said sometimes women just cannot explain why they did what they did. I reject that answer.

 

 

 

Experience is your WW is lying about what happened. Describing in ways to minimize her participation is her doing damage control.

 

 

Standard Cheating Girl Friend/CGF plan book play. Arrange a break up so she can claim she did not cheat. Though she wanted to bang the OM hence she pulled the we need to take a break.

 

 

She had the OM. After the OM got what he wanted he left town. So GF then offers you the lets get back together plan.

[lucy_in_disguise]

I did ask her before we started dating and before we got back together. Rather lengthy discussions I might add. She simply lied and withheld information. I will blame her for that 100%. She knew not telling me the truth was a deal breaker. She knew the person I was looking for. Not sure what there is to blame me. She did all the lying. She did all the messing around. It is her slutty morals and values. Would you mind addressing my original question?

 

 

What is your question? The way this "dilemma" is posed paints your wife into a corner. What are you hoping to acheive? You say you want the truth but i think want you want is to turn back time. After however many years the truth has shifted. Whats true now is that youre married with 4 children.

 

Can you accept that truth?

[autumnnight]

I did ask her before we started dating and before we got back together. Rather lengthy discussions I might add. She simply lied and withheld information. I will blame her for that 100%. She knew not telling me the truth was a deal breaker. She knew the person I was looking for. Not sure what there is to blame me. She did all the lying. She did all the messing around. It is her slutty morals and values. Would you mind addressing my original question?

 

Why do you want to remain married to someone with slutty morals and values? What secondary gain are you getting remaining married to someone you neither love nor respect? Is the payoff of being "better" than her really worth that much?

[autumnnight]

Experience is your WW is lying about what happened. Describing in ways to minimize her participation is her doing damage control.

 

 

Standard Cheating Girl Friend/CGF plan book play. Arrange a break up so she can claim she did not cheat. Though she wanted to bang the OM hence she pulled the we need to take a break.

 

 

She had the OM. After the OM got what he wanted he left town. So GF then offers you the lets get back together plan.

 

I don't guess you read the thread. The OM was a stranger she didn't even meet until after the break up. When you break up, you are no longer dating. It's painful. Some people cope by making a bad ONS decision. Not smart. but no, she did not calculate this.

[William]

Thread starter hasn't been around for a week so I'll close this up. They can always alert us if desiring more input or an update. Thanks for your contributions!