A Shakespeare Story (long but please read)

[EC]

OK so I have this friend that I have known since Highschool. My best friend.

 

The first day I met her she was crying about some guy. This guy lets call him J. They had met when they were 15 and had fallen madly in love. They were young and in love and happy. She was the popular girl and he was the quiet nice guy. They didn't match but they did. They eventually had sex and lost their virginity to each other and their parents found out and they didn’t let them see each other anymore. It was very hard for my friend. After that things were never the same. He went like sex crazy and dated many girls but always kept her on the side. This went on for the whole four years of Highschool.

She was always in love with him and he never wanted to commit to her again, but he would mess with her mind and heart. And regardless of everything he said and did to her she never hated him not even a little bit. They would keep in touch through out all of their relationships. She broke down one night when he said he might have started to ‘love’ someone else. It was hard to take. They would call eachother after every breakup and yet she would only date other guys to get over the fact he was with other girls but she never stopped loving him.

She became overweight a little and her confidence and self worth was destroyed. Not to mention he would tell her that she didn’t look the same as when he met her. It was really hard times for her.

He then left to college and they kept in touch. They would still meet up and have sex and it was just the norm. But again he would never commit to her. And she would wait and wait. Eventually one day he came down from college with a friend who is now my bf! And we hit it off and have been dating for a year. Now that was a hard time because her guy would always say he would be with her if it wasn’t for the distance..but me and his friend were doing just fine so she couldn’t understand why he couldn’t do the same.

I would go up to visit my bf and she would come with me to visit him..but my bf and I would act like a couple and he would have sex with her but treat her like a friend. It was a very difficult time for us. I almost lost her friendship because of it.

Then one trip we went to a party and she wanted to leave but he wanted to stay so he made his friend take her home and she cried and he showed up at 5 in the morning and tried to sleep with her. She started crying and admitted she loved him and wanted to be with him and that why wouldn’t he commit to her and be there for her..he said he couldn’t and she had had the last straw!

We came home from that trip and she was a changed person. She finally started dating a guy and this guy treated her like a princess. He raised her self esteem again. He helped her start working out. She lost all the weight and looks great now and has her self esteem back. But she still cried over J every night. She cares for the new guy but its just not the same. She cut all contact from J for the first time in 6 years. No calls, not texts, no e-mails nothing. She dedicated all her time to herself and her new man.

 

Well two nights ago J called her and she finally picked up and he said he was in town and wanted to see her. She has been dying to see him as well but she really cared for her new guy and didn’t want to mess things up and besides she told herself why go back to what would destroy me? But she caved and ended up hanging out with him. He complimented her on her new look and said that he loved her with or without the weight but that he was glad she got her confidence back. He said she was glowing again. They had coffee and talked and talked and he looked her in the eyes at the end of the night and asked her if she was truly happy? She looked at him and in her heart and mind she screamed no but she answered him “yes I am truly happy now”. He said ok and they went their separate ways and she went home and cried.

Then last night she got into a fight with her new guy and J happened to call again saying he had to see her again. She said ok. They hung out again and had the best time and then on the way to drop her off her new guy (that she had lied to, to see j) texted her with “hey babe I just got home I love you! Goodnight” Well J became very serious and he pulled into her drive way and told her to get out of the car. She said why are you being like that? I don’t want to end our visit like this. He said please get out of the car I don’t want you to see me like this. She said like what? And that’s when he started crying.

 

Now J crying is a Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge deal. He cried and he said “Stephanie I love you. I love you! ( he hasn’t said I love you in 6 years) He said he was so sorry for everything that he put her through and that given the chance now after seeing that I had made a year long distance with his friend (my bf) he would have a LDR with her in a heartbeat. He says he thinks about her everyday and that he was young and stupid in the past and that everything is out of his system and that he really loves her. That no one understands him like she does and that he doesn’t know why he did what he did but that hes sorry. He then asked her why she put up with his **** for so long and she answered that it was because she loved him. She said “J and I still do but what are we supposed to do now?”

 

They stayed quiet and she asked if he would be moving down when my bf moved down from school and he said in two years. They stayed quiet again and that’s when Stephanie became angry. Why now!!? She asked him why now after all the torture after everything why now when she was happy did he have to say everything shes been wanting to hear for so long? He couldn’t answer. Then he said hes been in love with her since they met at 15 and always has been but doesn’t know why he did the things he did. She said she was happy and he wasn’t going to mess her up now and she went inside her house.

 

Now she called me in tears. She said she is madly in love with him and always has been. But she cares for her new guy..and also J lives 6 hours away and she can’t handle a LDR for two years!! So she is so lost. She wants him and finally has him again and yet its all f*cked up! She saw her bf again and she said that she cannot believe she has to settle for him when she knows she can have it all and be the happiest girl in the world. She is depressed that she knows what she feels for new guy is a lot but nothing compared to what she feels for J. J is the love of her life! Her endless love.

 

I am at a loss for words. After being there for her through the J saga and Im shocked he has said all of this and I don’t even know where to start on giving her advice..which is why I came to you guys.

 

What do you think…??

[d'Arthez]

Forget about J, and if she does not love the new guy, forget him too.

 

Things will never be the same, and it is an almost typical case of first love, that got out of control. He had dozens of chances to recommit, but instead used her big time. He knew that, but did not care, and cannot explain a shred of the things he put her through. To destroy another persons self-esteem willingly, is not love, but using a human being as a sexual play-toy.

The scars won't magically go away, if she breaks up with her current guy and becomes a couple with J again. He has a lot of explaining to do, a lot of damage to repair. Crying in front of her and saying "I love you" won't suffice for that. It would not erase the past.

 

This is not love but an obsession with first love. If J had disappeared for 6 years, they might have a chance, but after all the misery Stephanie had been put through, I don't think there is a realistic chance of things working out, and that is without consideration for the long distance thing.

[Illusion24]

Forget about J, and if she does not love the new guy, forget him too.

 

Things will never be the same, and it is an almost typical case of first love, that got out of control. He had dozens of chances to recommit, but instead used her big time. He knew that, but did not care, and cannot explain a shred of the things he put her through. To destroy another persons self-esteem willingly, is not love, but using a human being as a sexual play-toy.

The scars won't magically go away, if she breaks up with her current guy and becomes a couple with J again. He has a lot of explaining to do, a lot of damage to repair. Crying in front of her and saying "I love you" won't suffice for that. It would not erase the past.

 

This is not love but an obsession with first love. If J had disappeared for 6 years, they might have a chance, but after all the misery Stephanie had been put through, I don't think there is a realistic chance of things working out, and that is without consideration for the long distance thing.

 

DITTO!!!

[EC]

I agree but I cant help think they have a real connection sometimes. I can't help think he was young and had to experience life. I mean who meets their 'soulmate' as he calls her at 15?

 

I don't know? I dont know what to think?

 

I think she would be better off saying bye to both and living her life brand new ..but he owns her heart.

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by EC

I agree but I cant help think they have a real connection sometimes. I can't help think he was young and had to experience life. I mean who meets their 'soulmate' as he calls her at 15?

I know one couple who met at 15, and who are 'soulmates.' But believe me, they would never put each other to the crap Stephanie suffered.

I have never inflicted crap at that age on anyone. And the same is true for other guys. Age is not an excuse. Immaturity is not an excuse. Idiocy is an excuse, but then again, why would you want an idiot?

He must have been well aware on the pain he caused her. Going sex crazy and keeping her on the side is the most hurtful thing he could have done. It would be impossible to convince Stephanie that she is his true love.

 

You yourself will have some form of connection with other people than your bf. It does not mean that a relationship would work out between you and the other person, and you should break up with your bf. Nor would it be a certainty that it would not have a negative impact on the state of your mind.

 

He does not own her heart; she lets her heart be owned by him. That is the obsession, not the love. If they are truly meant to be, you can do what happened sometimes in earlier centuries, and that is NC for a number of years.

 

You have to tell her, and I know it is hard, why J is still so much on her mind. These are terrible conversations, and you must value her happiness higher than your friendship with her.

[EC]

I know your right D!

 

Its just so hard. He always comes back and she cannot say no. And now this.

 

I know she will do what she always does though and i will have to be her shoulder to cry on once again.

 

Its been the same thing for 6 years already. Youd think she'd learn.

[TUDOR]

If it is truly mean to be then it will be there in 2 yrs when he does come back. I think if she tries to do the LDR for the next 2 yrs it will be nothing more than more of the same of what she has experienced for the last 6 yrs. It will have its moments but will also include her getting her feelings hurt time and time again. She doesn't have to give up hope that some day they may be together but until that day comes she needs to move on with her life in the mean time. Life is so short and so precious and she is wasting time by going back and forth with this guy. I have no doubt she very much loves him but I'm not so sure the love he is now confessing is the same. He seems to love the idea of her and the fact that she loves him. But I don't know that he will every return her love in the same will she give it to him and that sucks for her. Their history will continue to repeat itself. If she insists on not giving up on him then it is time for her to make him prove himself.

[FolderWife]

Don't even bother giving her advice...it's obvious what is going to happen. She's going to dump her boyfriend and get back with J. Then, when J has her back, he's going to dump her like a hot rock, and treat her like crap again.

 

Mark my words. I should have charged you $.99 a minute, and called myself a psychic Cause I am 95% sure that's what's going to happen!

[EC]

Its what always happens Monday...

 

But this time I dont know its so different. And she is stronger now.

 

But her heart still cries for him.

 

I think he came back to show her what she could be feeling. To remind her of whats missing in her life and that she is wasting her time with the new guy. well hes already 8 months new guy. lol

 

I think she needs to leave the new guy and not talk to J anymore and just be alone for a while. I know shes just with new guy because she doesnt want to be alone.

 

I know for a fact she cannot have an LDR with J and it would end up in a mess. I dont know whats going to happen now, but I predict she will continue talking to J for a while until she realizes nothing will come of it..then they wont talk again for a while and she will settle with new guy to get over the pain of not having J.