Update...and maybe getting regaining some control of my life.

[introverted_1]

I had a horrible day today, to the point where I wondered if I was losing my mind this morning. I have never endured anything as painful as this divorce is proving to be. Sixteen years of intimacy, gone. I am living with my best friend and her wife, but I still have a feeling of homelessness, as much as I love and appreciate their generosity.

 

Tomorrow, best friend and I are going to my cabin, to mow the lawn and prep it for selling. I hate this, but it must be done.

 

My future ex phoned me this afternoon. We will meet with an attorney next week, hopefully. We want this to be amicable and as drama free as possible. Ex even volunteered to help me look for a new condo, which is good- she has an eye for things that don't occur to me all the time.

 

I did my part in selecting the colors to be painted in the rest of the place we bought together in October. She likes my fashion sense.

 

When will the good days outnumber the bad? I had one good day this week. That's it.

 

Looking at properties does help me feel more in control. I do need my own place.

 

Any input would be greatly appreciated by those who have experienced this.

[RightThere]

When will the good days outnumber the bad? I had one good day this week. That's it.

 

Looking at properties does help me feel more in control. I do need my own place.

 

Any input would be greatly appreciated by those who have experienced this.

 

At first, I couldn't even have a good 15 minutes in a row. Once I went through an hour without thinking about it, I knew it was just a matter of time and I needed to gut it out.

 

If you're having one good day, just focus on having at least half a good day the next day. Pretty soon you'll be having more good than bad days.

 

And yes, it will probably help a lot to be in your own place.

[introverted_1]

Thank you, RT.

 

I'm sorry you went though this, but I'm happy to know things will improve.

[No Limit]

Patience. The aftershock still has effects on you, but it will wear off eventually and you'll feel much better.

[Mr. Lucky]

Any input would be greatly appreciated by those who have experienced this.

 

My own experience is that the control of those feelings and regained sense of well-being is tied to events.

 

Getting your own place does indeed help. Staying active helps. When you're ready, dating helps. Eventually, a new sex partner helps. Somewhere down the road, a new relationship helps.

 

Looking forward instead of backwards - helps ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[introverted_1]

Thank you so much, Mr. Lucky and No Limit. Yes, focusing on the future is really helpful to me.

 

Getting my own place will be really helpful, I think.

 

I'm so grateful for the kindness I am finding on this forum.

 

Divorce has caused me to feel without worth...I just can't wait for enough time to pass that I am not in constant emotional pain. It helps knowing that others have been there. <3

[macmillerpwnz]

How long has it been?

[hromo]

You will get through this, even when you don't think you will. take the good days and the bad and know we all have to go through the low times as this is what will make you stronger. no easy way but your not alone. counseling and a support group in my area helped a lot. being on this forum was a huge help with all the wonderful support and encouragement. even though lm still going through my divorce settlement, l have gained my power back by doing the work along the way. All the best

[Miss Clavel]

I had a horrible day today, to the point where I wondered if I was losing my mind this morning. I have never endured anything as painful as this divorce is proving to be.

 

When will the good days outnumber the bad? I had one good day this week. That's it.

 

 

Any input would be greatly appreciated by those who have experienced this.

 

i think it takes about two years.

[chew123]

Everybody is different. For me good days started outnumbering the bad about 4 months in. But it was hard work. i buried myself in therapy , yoga, self help books, new friends etc.

 

Now after 10 months I would say i have bad moments but not bad days. I still have a lot of contact with my ex and hear about my son meeting her bf etc. Also have to here about her life on occasion from others. In the early days these things would send me into a funk, now I sometimes have a down hour or 2 but I rarely have down days.

 

I honestly don't think I will ever get to the point where I am not triggered by things, but the triggers become less powerful with the passage of time.

 

And based on the way things are going I think 2 years is probably a good recovery timeframe for me. By recovery I mean ready to open up to a new relationship. I have dabbled in that regard, and I tended to be overly needy and insecure so I know I am not ready.

[introverted_1]

How long has it been?

 

Read my post. Sixteen years.

[Arieswoman]

introverted_1,

I feel your despair.

I've been where you are and it's not a good place to be.

 

Every night when I went to bed I prayed that I would wake up the next day feeling better. I never did for a long time, maybe about 6 months.

 

It felt like I had a big heavy pain in my chest by my heart. I went to the GP to see if it was cardiac and they found nothing wrong. My GP said it was a grief reaction.

 

It took me all my energy to get out of bed and go to work. I worked on auto- pilot with a false smile plastered on my face. I took that off as the last patient went out of the treatment-room door each day.

 

It was the worst experience of my life. I never thought it was possible to feel so wretched and lonely.

 

But I got through it and so can you.

 

You probably won't believe what I say but you won't always feel as bad as you do now. You will feel better, you will feel happy again, you will learn to laugh and love again.

 

Time is the cure and you will heal in your own time.

 

Good luck x

[Majormisstep]

Introverted, I am at the 1.5 year mark of the split and have reluctantly accepted this is happening (I'm a slow learner..).

 

The "flat" days now outnumber the awful days which is some progress I guess. I've kept really busy, read D self-help books, exercise, IC and try very hard not to wallow in too much misery. I've tried on-line dating (fodder for another post, good grief!!) but anyway, am trying to start a new life.

 

Autopilot is an excellent description...it takes all ya got to put two feet on the floor in the morning. We will get through this.