Astridskylar Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hello, im a mow in an ea with a mm. i settled down for my so a couple of years ago and we have two kids, 1 and 3. this spring i met this man who immediately reallu pursued me and blew me away with his personality and charisma. i know hw has had at least 2 affairs already. i always refused sex with him, because i think that even if youre not responsible for what you feel, you are responsible for what you do, and i could not have looked my h in the eye if i had had sex with another man. i know the way to go would have been to not even see this man, but i couldnt do that. after each evening to gether i would feel really guiltry though and tel him that. after a while he grew tired of the no sex guilt trip thing and broke up with me. i then wrote him an emal saying that I understood, thanked him for the good time, told him he had really blown me away with his flamboyant personality, and wished him well. his wife found it and had a fit. she told him she was leaving him, and he said ok (he always told me he would leave in 6 years when his kids would go to college), and told her that he thought they were through, and that it had nothing to do with me, and that for what is was worth he and i hadnt slept together but that we did have an emotional connection. he then contacted me to tell me to be careful because she could be vengeful. after a couple of days she came round and came back home pretending all is fine, and started planning this summers family vacation. him and i continued to be in contact and he then told me he wanted to keep on seeing me even if ze didnt have sex. so we saw each other a couple of times, still with no sex (but ill admit that part is getting harder to keep up), and tha last time was last thursday. on friday i get a limkedin invitation from her, saying "hello, since you are blown away by my husband, it would please me for us to be connected". i first felt mocked, then scared, and then amused (i do appreciate her sense of humor actually). i didnt reply and of course ignored her invitation, as mm advised me to do. mm actually thought it was kinde funny. ever since ive felt really really sad about this whole thing and for the first time in moths i didnt feel like contacting him at all, thus the four days of silence, that he broke by writing: "just checking if you sent me something". i replied by writing : "given your w state of mind i thought low profile was better, and since you must be really busy at work and on the eve of leavinf for you trip i thought it best" he replied: " :-/... yes i am leaving on thursday. how are things going with you?" i replied: " im on vacation with the kids and h is home at his maybe dying dad s bedside (which is the truth)" no reply i then wrote: send me a pic please ( I erased evrything on friday (im not talkimg about dirty pics mind you)) no reply i then wrote: it s beautiful here, i can very well imagine us driving your convertible on the mountain roads no reply. i waited until the next morning and then sent : not a single reply?... and ive had no reply ever since , and i can see that hes red my messages, that he sonline mutilple times a day. im sad, im angry, i feel like a fool, i feel more amd more guilty tozards my h, who ll be joining me tommorrow i dont knoz if hes just been plauing ne like a fool, if hes having regrets and is too coardly to admit it, or if he sjust being a cad and will contact me in a couple of days when he feels like it, or if he s feeling guilty tozards my h whose dad is slowly dying, or if it was his wife, or if he found his wife s message hilarious and that has sparked the love for her again, making me the utimate fool of this situation i feel so hurt and lonely and, mosof all, stupid. please tell me it will get better some way or another Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 It's not going to get better, and you're not going to be happy until your husband finds out or this man's wife goes off the chain and does something in retaliation to you. Only once did you mention your husband in all of this, and even then you said it was harder to resist sex with this other man. The MM is not being fair to his wife or you, and you are not being fair to you, your husband, or this man's wife, especially since she knows. I know it's hard. I KNOW. Most of us on this board have been there, done that, and some of us have even lost a lot, including spouses, families, jobs, etc. Please go no contact before this all blows up in your face. It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Get some counseling, figure out why you're here in this spot in the first place, decide if you want to be in your marriage. Stop trying to figure out what the MM's next move is. He will come to you when he wants an ego boost or when you finally give in and have sex, he will use you and toss you to the curb. You HAVE to stop this now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Astridskylar Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 It's not going to get better, and you're not going to be happy until your husband finds out or this man's wife goes off the chain and does something in retaliation to you. Only once did you mention your husband in all of this, and even then you said it was harder to resist sex with this other man. The MM is not being fair to his wife or you, and you are not being fair to you, your husband, or this man's wife, especially since she knows. I know it's hard. I KNOW. Most of us on this board have been there, done that, and some of us have even lost a lot, including spouses, families, jobs, etc. Please go no contact before this all blows up in your face. It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Get some counseling, figure out why you're here in this spot in the first place, decide if you want to be in your marriage. Stop trying to figure out what the MM's next move is. He will come to you when he wants an ego boost or when you finally give in and have sex, he will use you and toss you to the curb. You HAVE to stop this now. actually, my h is the first one on my mind right now, and if all of this has taught me anything, its that i love him dearly. i m going to go home early to be by his side. i am in no contact with mm. im just suffering so much because i feel so stupid, and also scared. ive been in counseling ever since this a started, but i dont have the answer to why i fell for this man yet. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I think he told his wife "see her email..I didn't want her and asked her to get lost cause shes like a stalker...shes obsessed with me" your text sequence...he's probably showing them to her like "see, she keeps texting, I dont even eeply" Sounds like they BOTH are mocking you. Heres the good news. He wanted a fun, easy roll in the hay and you didnt sleep with him so he put you in your place by breaking it off cause ALL he wants is sex...which by the way if you had given him that he would've dropped you already anyways. This continued song and dance from him saying he will still see you without it...is because he can see he is wearing you down...he can see your about to give in so he will keep trying to get it....then he's out. Its about the chase...his ego boost...he conquered it when you said no. Look...his spouse is angry, he is a liar and a douche, your spouse has a need for your support right now... Cut your losses now before it gets ugly. Dont grieve over a few unanswered texts...drop out..block him...let him be dead to you. If the both of them are having affairs and so much drama and he will leave her someday? He has a mess on his hands. Just focus on your family this is too much drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I think he told his wife "see her email..I didn't want her and asked her to get lost cause shes like a stalker...shes obsessed with me" your text sequence...he's probably showing them to her like "see, she keeps texting, I dont even eeply" Sounds like they BOTH are mocking you. Heres the good news. He wanted a fun, easy roll in the hay and you didnt sleep with him so he put you in your place by breaking it off cause ALL he wants is sex...which by the way if you had given him that he would've dropped you already anyways. This continued song and dance from him saying he will still see you without it...is because he can see he is wearing you down...he can see your about to give in so he will keep trying to get it....then he's out. Its about the chase...his ego boost...he conquered it when you said no. Look...his spouse is angry, he is a liar and a douche, your spouse has a need for your support right now... Cut your losses now before it gets ugly. Dont grieve over a few unanswered texts...drop out..block him...let him be dead to you. If the both of them are having affairs and so much drama and he will leave her someday? He has a mess on his hands. Just focus on your family this is too much drama. I agree with this...he may be deleting what he says and just showing your texts. This guy is a total loser and you should thank god you didn't sleep with him! Stay away and block him and go dark! He doesn't deserve you...but your husband needs you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sastrugi Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 GoldieLox - It's not going to get better, and you're not going to be happy until your husband finds out or this man's wife goes off the chain and does something in retaliation to you. Only once did you mention your husband in all of this, and even then you said it was harder to resist sex with this other man. The MM is not being fair to his wife or you, and you are not being fair to you, your husband, or this man's wife, especially since she knows.Goldie is spot on... not once did you mention any remorse for betraying your husband. You have transferred your emotion investment from your husband to the OM. So were do you see yourself relationship wise in a year? Who do you want to be with? Link to post Share on other sites
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