Satu Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I'm speaking about your lie of omission. That's the lie that you're telling every second of every day, until you find the backbone needed to be honest with your wife. Lies of omission are every bit as bad as lies of commission. Don't try to kid anyone about that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I'm not telling her anything unless the OW is pregnant. Is there any benefit to causing my wife to suffer other than to selfishly abolish my own guilt? If the test was negative, she's not pregnant . With the pregnancy tests these days you can tell before your next period . I knew I was pregnant within 2 weeks of conception with a preg test for my first child. People don't need a doctor to tell them they are pregnant in this day and age. With the white stuff....doesn't sound like a miscarriage. When did you last have sex? And when did she contact you about being late? As in the number of days. She could just be trying to stress you out and there was no need for her to call you before she knew for sure. That's just creating a panic . I'm not in the camp telling your wife if she's not pregnant. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Is there any benefit to causing my wife to suffer other than to selfishly abolish my own guilt? Because you had unprotected sex with other women, the benefit is she can get tested for STDs. She can also make her own decisions on what she wants to do based on all information. Not just the partial truth you let her have. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) If the test was negative, she's not pregnant . With the pregnancy tests these days you can tell before your next period . I knew I was pregnant within 2 weeks of conception with a preg test for my first child. People don't need a doctor to tell them they are pregnant in this day and age. With the white stuff....doesn't sound like a miscarriage. When did you last have sex? And when did she contact you about being late? As in the number of days. She could just be trying to stress you out and there was no need for her to call you before she knew for sure. That's just creating a panic . I'm not in the camp telling your wife if she's not pregnant. We last had sex on June 13th. That was the only time we had sex after the beginning of May. She told me on July 11 that she was nearly 2 weeks late. She took a pregnancy test on July 12, and told me it was negative. The following day, she told me about the weird vagina stuff that happened the night of the 12th. She didn't take the pregnancy test first thing in the morning, which I know makes it most accurate. She took it mid-day. Also, she "claims" to have had this happen to her when she was 19, also tested negative for pregnancy at two weeks late, then miscarried. I accused her of just trying to stress me out, actually. It didn't make sense for her to tell me she was late without knowing for sure. It did create a panic, and I flipped out. I'm still flipping out because I don't know for sure. How the **** is someone so dense to tell their married potential baby daddy that they are late after sleeping with them without knowing for sure if they are pregnant. ****! She claims that she did it because she tried to get in touch with me earlier in the week, and I told her I wanted nothing to do with her. She was persistent. I kept telling her no, that I was sober now and wanted nothing to do with her. She later claimed that she told me through text because she was "trying to get me to come out so she could tell me in person earlier that week, but i refused so left her no choice" when in reality, she was texting me asking for me to come have sex with her. She claimed that was her strategy to get me to come meet her so she could tell me that she was 2 weeks late. ****ing psycho bitch. Where is the rationality there? If she would have just told me she was having a pregnancy scare, I would have met her at the drop of a hat. However, it makes no sense for her to be this late without something happening. Do women just miss periods sometimes? Does PCOS cause these issues? I feel that if she would have gone to the doc by now and found out one way or another or had a normal period, she would have contacted me. Maybe she's evil and doesn't care. Edited July 17, 2015 by Sad_Panda03 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovebug66 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 JMHO, I could be way off. It sounds to me like OW was actually doing the opposite of what she says - she wanted sex and attention from you, when you didn't give that to her she said something she knew would get your attention. Now that she failed the test, she's probably embarrassed and hoping this will all go away. She hasn't come up with a plausible way to make this look like she isn't just a liar so she just avoids you and avoids dealing with her actions. I say that because of the way you have described her, like maybe she has an addiction too. It doesn't make her evil any more than bad decisions you have made make you evil. Selfish, yes, but people in addiction make selfish choices. I don't blame you for being angry about it, but finding the compassion may help you grasp and feel better about the whole situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I think you may be right. I finally got a response from her. I told her I have been seeking help from other sources and am sorry for pestering her, that I won't bother her anymore and will be seeking counceling but wish she would tell me if she is pregnant. I get a response from her saying that she hasn't been talking to me because I am married and that I put that above her and her feelings and treat her like an inconvienence. I tell her she is right. My marriage is above her, and this entire situation is a huge inconvienence. She responds by threatening to contact my wife if I ever talk to her again. She is a psycho bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 That leads me to believe she is NOT pregnant, because if she was a psycho bitch, she would use it as leverage and possibly even blackmail. As it is, she wants you out of her life because there is nothing she has to fight you with. So do as she asks. But at some point, you are still going to have to come clean to your wife..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Yeah, she just keeps rambling about how I care about my wife more than her, and im like "no ****". I don't say it, but I think it. She flat out told me that I will never know whether or not she is pregnant. No pregnant woman would ever say that. So either she doesn't know or she isn't and likes the attention I'm giving her. I'm not contacting her again. She did mention that she has saved every text message and email I sent her, which I figured she would. She accused me of lying about being separated from my wife and I told her no, I was a lonely alcoholic in a failed marriage. My wife made very clear this time she left that she may never come back. If my marriage ends over this, I will be OK with it. It's the path we were going down before the affair anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I still don't like assuming things bease there's always that chance that shes so crazy that maybe she is and is acting this way. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 We last had sex on June 13th. That was the only time we had sex after the beginning of May. She told me on July 11 that she was nearly 2 weeks late. She took a pregnancy test on July 12, and told me it was negative. The following day, she told me about the weird vagina stuff that happened the night of the 12th. She didn't take the pregnancy test first thing in the morning, which I know makes it most accurate. She took it mid-day. Also, she "claims" to have had this happen to her when she was 19, also tested negative for pregnancy at two weeks late, then miscarried. I accused her of just trying to stress me out, actually. It didn't make sense for her to tell me she was late without knowing for sure. It did create a panic, and I flipped out. I'm still flipping out because I don't know for sure. How the **** is someone so dense to tell their married potential baby daddy that they are late after sleeping with them without knowing for sure if they are pregnant. ****! She claims that she did it because she tried to get in touch with me earlier in the week, and I told her I wanted nothing to do with her. She was persistent. I kept telling her no, that I was sober now and wanted nothing to do with her. She later claimed that she told me through text because she was "trying to get me to come out so she could tell me in person earlier that week, but i refused so left her no choice" when in reality, she was texting me asking for me to come have sex with her. She claimed that was her strategy to get me to come meet her so she could tell me that she was 2 weeks late. ****ing psycho bitch. Where is the rationality there? If she would have just told me she was having a pregnancy scare, I would have met her at the drop of a hat. However, it makes no sense for her to be this late without something happening. Do women just miss periods sometimes? Does PCOS cause these issues? I feel that if she would have gone to the doc by now and found out one way or another or had a normal period, she would have contacted me. Maybe she's evil and doesn't care. OK, I'm gonna speak from experience here. If you had sex last on June 13, any test she took at or after July 11th (IF she was pregnant) would be positive. That is almost a month, and since ovulation averages on the 14th day, and most tests now can detect hcg up to a week before a missed period...yeah, a negative is a negative. Here's another thing. If you have a miscarriage, your body doesn't go back to normal in a day. If she had something come out that was actually a miscarriage around the 11th/12th...that test would have still been positive. Even after a miscarriage, it takes a bit for your hcg level to go down. An hcg of 25 will usually cause a test o be positive, and by July 11 she would have been in the 100's. This woman had (maybe) a late period. Still, you should tell your wife about the A. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I get a response from her saying that she hasn't been talking to me because I am married and that I put that above her and her feelings and treat her like an inconvienence. I tell her she is right. My marriage is above her, and this entire situation is a huge inconvienence. She responds by threatening to contact my wife if I ever talk to her again. She is a psycho bitch. No, she's not a psycho bitch. She was in love, that's what the affair fog does to a lot of OWs. Now that you've so obviously shown her tha you could care less if she dropped off the planet she feels used and in turn angry. You messed with her feelings by agreeing to have an affair, this is her reaction to your attempt to just slip away. You'd better tell your wife sooner than she does, or else you can forget about coming back from your seperation to your marriage but to divorce court instead - lawyer warefare included. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 She responds by threatening to contact my wife if I ever talk to her again. *She is a psycho bitch. *If you're into the business of name calling, what name would you apply to yourself? What name would fit your role in this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 How was she in love? I spent a total of 4 nights with her. After the 2nd time, I told her she meant nothing to me and that I made a mistake. However, that didn't stop me from hitting her up the 3rd or 4th time. She knows how I feel. I've never felt so manipulated by a woman as I do by her. How can you fall in love with someone when your entire "relationship" consisted of nothing but drinking and sex, along with some drunken meaningless conversation that was probably entirely bull****. I've been told I can make women swoon when I'm drunk, but I don't remember the **** I said to her!! However, there's this little idea in the back of my mind that she is pregnant. She has told me to leave her alone or else threatened to tell my wife about the affair. That's message enough to leave her alone. To all the women out there: would a woman ever act this way if she were pregnant with my child? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 *If you're into the business of name calling, what name would you apply to yourself? What name would fit your role in this? Adulterous, lying, ungrateful piece of **** that deserves what he's going through. I deserve this pain, this humiliation, this uncertainty. In fact, it isn't enough. I deserve to really burn for this. My wife deserves better. I'm home now, and this is the first time I've cried over this entire situation, but I'm losing it tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 How was she in love? I spent a total of 4 nights with her. After the 2nd time, I told her she meant nothing to me and that I made a mistake. However, that didn't stop me from hitting her up the 3rd or 4th time. She knows how I feel. I've never felt so manipulated by a woman as I do by her. How can you fall in love with someone when your entire "relationship" consisted of nothing but drinking and sex, along with some drunken meaningless conversation that was probably entirely bull****. I've been told I can make women swoon when I'm drunk, but I don't remember the **** I said to her!! However, there's this little idea in the back of my mind that she is pregnant. She has told me to leave her alone or else threatened to tell my wife about the affair. That's message enough to leave her alone. To all the women out there: would a woman ever act this way if she were pregnant with my child? You said one thing, but you acted completely different by going back to her. Who knows, maybe she already has had affairs and expected since you came back for #3 and #4 that you'd stay with her - if it isn't love from her side, at the very least her ego has taken a hard punch. Sure she was naive for agreeing to it, but it's done now. And yes they would in case they already have a partner and want to make them believe it's their baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Meaning, that you don't think she would act this way if she were pregnant with my child? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I accused her of just trying to stress me out, actually. It didn't make sense for her to tell me she was late without knowing for sure. It did create a panic, and I flipped out. I'm still flipping out because I don't know for sure. How the **** is someone so dense to tell their married potential baby daddy that they are late after sleeping with them without knowing for sure if they are pregnant. ****! She claims that she did it because she tried to get in touch with me earlier in the week, and I told her I wanted nothing to do with her. She was persistent. I kept telling her no, that I was sober now and wanted nothing to do with her. She later claimed that she told me through text because she was "trying to get me to come out so she could tell me in person earlier that week, but i refused so left her no choice" when in reality, she was texting me asking for me to come have sex with her. She claimed that was her strategy to get me to come meet her so she could tell me that she was 2 weeks late. ****ing psycho bitch. Where is the rationality there? If she would have just told me she was having a pregnancy scare, I would have met her at the drop of a hat. A tremendous amount of misdirected hostility here towards a woman you played, potentially impregnated and now want to sweep aside like lint from your pants. And because she's not cooperating with what's expedient for you, she's an evil psycho bitch. Hey, what if she had her own life and expectations from this whole encounter? You sold yourself as separated and available - pity her, she believed you. Addiction is at its core a selfish disease and you're still fully engaged in addict behavior, drinking/using or not. Were your wife to take you back tomorrow, success not in your cards... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) I didn't play her. I told her the exact situation I was in. I told her I wasn't in this for love, romance, or anything of the sort. How could I have "played" someone who was just as ****ed up as I was. Jesus, this makes no sense. Did you just read that one comment and then decide to respond? I hooked up with a woman a few times when we were both PISS DRUNK. I've never met with her with both of us sober. I wanted to sweep her aside a month ago. Actually, after the first night, but in my drunken stupor I called her up to **** me again, because I knew she would spread those legs if I asked her to. I never played myself as available. I told her that IF I ever got divorced, I wouldn't date. Not for a long long time, until I was 100% financially secure, with many years of professional life behind me. I never showed her any interest aside from her being something to ****. Edited July 17, 2015 by Sad_Panda03 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 OKOK, Let's put all this "it's my fault, etc. etc. aside." I'm not here to feel guiltier. I'm here for advice regarding what the proper actions are to take. At this point in time, do I leave this woman alone? If I leave her alone, and I never hear from her again, I will tell my wife eventually about the afair. If I leave her alone, and find out she is pregnant, I guess I will deal with the situation at the time being.' So much for "showing up at her house might be a good idea". This woman is far off the deep end for one of two reasons. 1. She had feelings for me and is now brokenhearted and trying to **** with me. 2. She is pregnant with my child and is really conflicted because a married man who wants to be with his wife knocked her up. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 OKOK, Let's put all this "it's my fault, etc. etc. aside." I'm not here to feel guiltier. I'm here for advice regarding what the proper actions are to take. At this point in time, do I leave this woman alone? I think you've been given the advice on what to do numerous times. You're just waiting for someone to agree with what you already want to do. What you should do: - Tell your wife, first. - Provide for the child that is yours What you're going to do: - Not tell your wife (just yet....or never at all) - Try to pretend this other woman will just go away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I told her the exact situation I was in. I told her I wasn't in this for love, romance, or anything of the sort. What situation was she in? What situation is she in now ??? Bucko, there's two people involved in this sad and cautionary tale - more if we count your wife and potential affair child. So as much as you want to make it all about Sad_Panda03, life - and a volatile OW - may have other plans. I think you've been given the advice on what to do numerous times. You're just waiting for someone to agree with what you already want to do. Agreed and so I'll bow out. OP, hope you get what you want - and deserve, whatever that might be... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Don't forget my son and his future. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Don't forget my son and his future. Don't worry. We're just as concerned about him too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 The hardest part about this is admitting to things that I did when I wasn't of sound mind. When I was completely out of control. I just skyped with my wife and son, and broke down in tears. I almost bought a ticket to fly out and spend the weekend with them and keep living this fantasy because I feel that everything is going to fall apart very soon. Before they come back to live with me a month from now, I am supposed to fly out and spend two weeks with them. They have no idea that I'm going through this and my wife is just so elated to see me sober. My heart is breaking. Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My advice? Tell your wife. Because she's going to.. she wanted to be pregnant to force the issue and now I'm guessing she's playing you for attention. When that wont work much longer, she'll start threatening to tell you wife. Do it before she gets to her and you may have a shot at recovery. Having someone else tell your wife that you had sex with someone else will destroy her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts