veryhappy Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 You have a problem with women in general to have such a dirty mouth on you. You were there having unprotected sex. Stop shaming the other slut, as you're just as much as a slut as her. Get yourself into counseling, and she's probably not pregnant if she's two weeks late and the test came negative. Tests these days come up positive three days before a missed period. Wow, hope you become a more pleasant human being. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 The hardest part about this is admitting to things that I did when I wasn't of sound mind. When I was completely out of control. I just skyped with my wife and son, and broke down in tears. I almost bought a ticket to fly out and spend the weekend with them and keep living this fantasy because I feel that everything is going to fall apart very soon. Before they come back to live with me a month from now, I am supposed to fly out and spend two weeks with them. They have no idea that I'm going through this and my wife is just so elated to see me sober. My heart is breaking. Panda, Your getting WAY too much shi* from some of the posters here. The jury is still not out. It is CLEAR AS A BELL, that the OW was not in love with you... no frickin way. After all has been said, sounds like she's not pregnant and is just pissed that you won't be her sex partner, which you have made clear. You are doing the right thing now.... dealing with the alcohol problem. Forget the OW for now, and work on healing your marriage before confession. You are NOT lying every day, just because you haven't told your wife. You are being considerate of her. I know you feel like a scum bag, but you need to put this behind and accomplish your goals, and at some point you'll have to confess to your wife and hope that she will forgive you and work things out. It can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 You are NOT lying every day, just because you haven't told your wife. You are being considerate of her. Sorry, but that is totally untrue. That is not being considerate. That is self preservation and selfishness. The definition of being considerate is not lying to keep the peace. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Who would you rather tell your wife; you, the OW, or the court ordering a paternity test for possible child support? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Panda, Your getting WAY too much shi* from some of the posters here. The jury is still not out. It is CLEAR AS A BELL, that the OW was not in love with you... no frickin way. After all has been said, sounds like she's not pregnant and is just pissed that you won't be her sex partner, which you have made clear. You are doing the right thing now.... dealing with the alcohol problem. Forget the OW for now, and work on healing your marriage before confession. You are NOT lying every day, just because you haven't told your wife. You are being considerate of her. I know you feel like a scum bag, but you need to put this behind and accomplish your goals, and at some point you'll have to confess to your wife and hope that she will forgive you and work things out. It can be done. Horse poop. The longer you put it off the more excuses you'll make for not telling her the truth. It's called a "LIE OF OMISSION" - and yes, it's lying. People lie to control other people. Control how they view us, and control their actions. Controlling another person this way is one of the most disrespectful things a person can do. You're playing her like a puppet on a string. Horrible. Taking away a person's choices, stealing years out of her life that way. Any "progress" you make with your marriage while you continue to lie will VANISH the instant your wife learns or discovers the truth. She will likely HATE you for keeping her in the dark and playing her for a fool all these years. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 How was she in love? I spent a total of 4 nights with her. After the 2nd time, I told her she meant nothing to me and that I made a mistake. However, that didn't stop me from hitting her up the 3rd or 4th time. She knows how I feel. I've never felt so manipulated by a woman as I do by her. How can you fall in love with someone when your entire "relationship" consisted of nothing but drinking and sex, along with some drunken meaningless conversation that was probably entirely bull****. I've been told I can make women swoon when I'm drunk, but I don't remember the **** I said to her!! However, there's this little idea in the back of my mind that she is pregnant. She has told me to leave her alone or else threatened to tell my wife about the affair. That's message enough to leave her alone. To all the women out there: would a woman ever act this way if she were pregnant with my child? Your actions were showing the OW that she was more than just a mistake. You may have said these things to her, but you still went back and boinked her again. Maybe she thought you were not serious or struggling with guilt. Why go back a 3rd or 4th time? I too would tell your wife if this OW threatened to tell her. You never know what a person does when they get upset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) Horse poop. The longer you put it off the more excuses you'll make for not telling her the truth. It's called a "LIE OF OMISSION" - and yes, it's lying. People lie to control other people. Control how they view us, and control their actions. Controlling another person this way is one of the most disrespectful things a person can do. You're playing her like a puppet on a string. Horrible. Taking away a person's choices, stealing years out of her life that way. Any "progress" you make with your marriage while you continue to lie will VANISH the instant your wife learns or discovers the truth. She will likely HATE you for keeping her in the dark and playing her for a fool all these years. We can just disagree. The FIRST thing that the OP needs to do is fix himself. Period. Next he needs to fix the marriage, and should come forward with the whole truth. Right not may or may not be effective and may hurt more that it's worth. Sure, omission is lying, but it's only one lie, doesn't compound itself. We can certainly agree on not condoning this behavior, but at this point, how do we fix it? Edited July 18, 2015 by OldRover Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Thank you all for your love and support. I will tell my wife. I have been texting and on the phone with the OW back and forth, and she seems to be hung up on the fact that I don't have feelings / emotions for her as opposed to her potentially bearing my child. That being said, everything was used as either an emotional tactic, or she is a sociopath that cares more about my affection that us potentially sharing a child together. Trust me, her potential pregnancy is the LAST thing she is worried about. I believe that she is certain she isn't pregnant too and is just seeking some sort of affirmation that I have an emotional connection with her which I have told her time and time again that I do not. She has admitted that she still hasn't had her period yet, which worries me, but she certainly isn't concerned about that. That would make tomorrow 3 weeks late. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Thank you all for your love and support. I will tell my wife. I have been texting and on the phone with the OW back and forth, and she seems to be hung up on the fact that I don't have feelings / emotions for her as opposed to her potentially bearing my child. That being said, everything was used as either an emotional tactic, or she is a sociopath that cares more about my affection that us potentially sharing a child together. Trust me, her potential pregnancy is the LAST thing she is worried about. I believe that she is certain she isn't pregnant too and is just seeking some sort of affirmation that I have an emotional connection with her which I have told her time and time again that I do not. She has admitted that she still hasn't had her period yet, which worries me, but she certainly isn't concerned about that. That would make tomorrow 3 weeks late. :/ And if she truly has PCOS, this might be completely normal for her. Of course, she'd rather torment you than tell you this. Neither here nor there, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Meaning, that you don't think she would act this way if she were pregnant with my child? Yes. If she really was pregnant she'd be climbing through your window if necessary to keep in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 When your actions have hurt another person AND are secret, then you cannot fix or heal yourself until the secret is out. There is a saying, "We are as sick as our secrets." There will be no fixing you without telling the truth. All this emotion, all this angst, even all the vitriol toward the OW...all of it is par for the course when you are agonizing over facing a terrible act and seeing what you have become. Tell the truth to your wife. Then do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to regain your character. THAT will be the weight off you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 We last had sex on June 13th. That was the only time we had sex after the beginning of May. She told me on July 11 that she was nearly 2 weeks late. She took a pregnancy test on July 12, and told me it was negative. The following day, she told me about the weird vagina stuff that happened the night of the 12th. She didn't take the pregnancy test first thing in the morning, She's not pregnant. 4 weeks later she would definitely know and a test would be positive, no matter what time of day it was done. This fake pregnancy is used a lot by the OW. Once proof is requested like scan pictures , all of a sudden there is a miscarriage......yeah right. She wants you to suffer as long as she can drag it out. She trying to teach you a lesson for using her and discarding her. Women don't usually want to feel used like this. You need to know women can also be dangerous if you mess them around or if they perceive it that way. I'm sure you've heard...hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Does she know where you live? My fear if I were you is that she could still tell your wife. Have you thought about that? Remember you are putting your family at risk from her craziness. You open yourself up to an awful lot when you bring a third party into your marriage. It can end very badly and end your marriage. If there's a chance she'll tell your wife....maybe you should fess up, if not...take your chances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sad_Panda03 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) And at the end of the night, we finally have some answers. I have been up for almost 24 hours straight. I got a text from OW just before 11PM asking to meet up, I jumped on it. She was drinking, of course, hanging out at her friends house, there were between 4 and 6 other people there, coming and going, but I spent a lot of time around these people waiting for moments to pull the OW aside and talk. And I sure got that opportunity. The OW is crystal clear on my stance regarding not wanting to be with her, etc. She accepts and understands that. She explained to me that she has NOT had a period, but doesn't believe she is pregnant. I would say that this type of situation may be completely normal for her because of the PCOS, but who is to say? What shocked me is that she admitted to me that she has been binge drinking for the past few weeks, and also has gone on NUMEROUS dates over the past few weeks (including two yesterday). No matter what, she certainly believes she is not pregnant at all, due to her behavior, and that is good enough for me to cut this toxic person out of my life. What kind of pregnant woman would go on TWO dates yesterday and then binge drink? The strangest thing is that she tried to get me to have sex with her. She would not let up. She tried so hard. She practically spilled her guts about what she was doing to me to make me want to **** her. I have never in my life turned down sex from a woman begging and pleading for me to take her. It took willpower but I pulled it off. I knew it was a risk going into it and I swore on my life that I would not have sex with this woman ever again. I got everything I needed out of tonight, never once insinuated that I would have sex with her, and she essentially spilled her guts in her drunken stupor trying to get me to sleep with her. Tonight was a success. I am no longer freaking out, no longer panicking. I told her politely my stance, and she eventually acted as though she accepted everything. (Not that it was anything she hadn't heard before) I left with her ego officially bruised, but I think it was a lesson she needed to learn. She still may be pregnant, but my guess is in the <1% range. Also, she probably has ****ed other men. If she is knocked up, I won't fret. The chance that it is mine is very slim. Tonight was a good night. Thank you all! Now, it's time to work on making amends with my wife. Also, in response to the last question. No, she doesn't know where I live and never will. She has a general idea of where I work, but I doubt she could ever figure that out. She knows my name and what I do for a living, what kind of car I drive, and that's about it. Edited July 18, 2015 by Sad_Panda03 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 sad Panda, if I could add one thing, if she ever comes back later pregnant claiming it's yours make sure you demand a DNA test. who knows she get impregnated by somebody else and try to blame it on you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts