Crazy Situation... I love a mad woman... MAD!

[winder29]

I married a girl 3 years ago from another country.

Took her back to my own at the time and we've lived here ever since.

 

We've had problems in the past but have always gotten past them.

 

Women are unusually childish where she comes from and men are expected to chase them pretty hard.

 

We were fine a week ago but things have gone downhill since. She started going to classes at a local Theatre a couple of months back and made some new friends.

 

The thing is, every time we have problems in our relationship it starts when she makes new friends... She will go to stay with them more and more often, become colder etc then start talking about divorce. In the end she has always come back to me though.

 

She's very very impressionable to the point where, if any stranger gives an opinion on something, she will treat it as gospel.

 

She came back a few days ago from the girl's house that she stays at most (pretty much all) nights now and followed me to the supermarket...

Called me sounding really upset, asking where I was, then told me she had followed me to check if I was lying(!)

Then it becomes she wanted an excuse to break up with me etc.

Later I came home to find her there and she accused ME of following HER...

 

She recently found a good job with company car etc as a sales rep and travels often. Likes to tell me that other guys always tell her how beautiful she is etc. It's never been an issue before but now she's going a bit crazy.

A couple of days back she was pacing around looking at mirrors saying she doesn't like to be home because she can't see how beautiful she is all the time...

I do get some laughs in this madness.

 

Says she wants to break up, so we have broken up, apparently, but then gives mixed messages. She says she wants to be by herself for exactly one year to see if she loves me???

Oh yeah, and we haven't broken up..?

 

This has come up before, maybe a year ago - the living by herself for 1 year.

She has pretty bad OCD so I don't know if it's related to that - strange obsession on living by herself with no-one around her.

Now she doesn't even like to share a bed.

I've had her screaming at me for speaking - hates my voice. A week ago she loved it. It's all a repeat. I've seen it all before.

 

She had to go away a couple of days for a big meeting at her company's office.

We had a big fight before she left where she basically told a pack of lies that I'm supposed to sift through I guess.

It goes like - she's a lesbian, she hates all men, she loves all men and wants to sleep with every guy possible, she hates me, she loves me, she tells lies to hurt me, I don't understand her, I'm boring(!), she has no respect for me, I look like crap, I'm a weirdo and a freak, I'm not sure of myself, she's confused and just needs time but somehow I don't give her it etc etc.

It's really crazy. I'm a confident guy, I'm not bad looking and I know how to have a good time.

She'll say she could have any guy she wants - of course I'll say it goes the other way too, so always she will say go and do it; she doesn't care.

It's childish as hell.

She even showed me some photo of a guy she claimed was her bf... that set me to thinking that maybe she really is crazy... She's over 30 and it was like a photo of a teenager...

She said she likes his job, family, dad's a policeman and the guy says I'm ugly. The best one was where she said he said he would do the same for her as I have done - fight really really hard to be with her and to get her citizenship in a good country. Words are easy, huh?

 

A few weeks back she was going on about some 24 year old guy she'd come into contact with through the businesses she visits - some sort of store manager. There's definitely something in that lie.

 

Then she said he's just some friend she knows, she would never go near a 24 year old etc etc. She just wanted to get rid of me.

 

An hour after this, she called me from a service station and begged me not to do something crazy (cheat).

Then she was really drunk that same night, texted me to say she really did love me and she's just confused. Called me while drunk crying and saying she really loves me and she's just confused etc. Next day, cold again, she doesn't need to drink because that happens, it's a mistake etc.

 

Her son is in her country, we are nearly in a position to bring him here but now she wants a random year by herself and to leave him there.

It was always THE big thing in the past...

 

Our business died last year. I'm a University student so we've been living off my student loan until she found her new job, half of which I do for her.

I'm setting up a couple of online/offline hybrid businesses which I've been working on for a few months now. Big projects so they take time - needed a lot of specialties. Nearly done now though.

She was really interested at first but now laughs at them and at me. She's always been like this, can't see anything through.

It's stupid really.

She hates to make decisions and seems to always want to go back on them. She wants to leave me so I treat her badly, then she goes nice, so I soften, so she goes bad again.

 

 

 

She's never been 100% stable but I've always accepted her as she is.

She looks good but she does have flaws. Of course guys will try but girls will try the other way too. It doesn't matter to me really. I stayed with her out of love and I love her still.

 

I went out a few days back when this all started. She called me, said she didn't care about what I was doing, but, what was I doing?

Childish.

 

It seems obvious as hell to me that that she still loves me but it looks like she's trying to put a stop to what we have.

I think the funny little guy she showed to me is trying for her. It's happened before. She finds new friends. Some guy chases her, insults my photos she must show him, she falls out with me, I win her back.

Every time the guy is weirder and worse than the one before.

I worry about her sanity.

I guess I should worry about mine too because I do want her back...

IF she can finally grow up.

I'm tired of telling her I married a woman, not a no-responsibility spoilt brat.

 

In recent months she's done nothing around the house. She doesn't cook, clean, tidy or anything.

It all gets dumped on me.

Her own brother thinks she's a crazy kid now and he's 5 years younger.

 

The friends she makes are usually lonely girls with no jobs or anything to do with their time. No boyfriends or married or very unhappy with who they're with.

 

Everything she says and does the past few days seems to be to undermine her respect for me.

 

It seems almost like a competition. My value goes up when I'm unobtainable, down when she can have me.

 

Assuming that I'm a glutton for punishment, what do you think my next move should be? Treat her like crap and be unavailable?

Spend time around other women?

Act like I don't care?

 

[pidgeon1010]

You see this all the time with guys who marry women from other countries and bring them to countries with more opportunities,etc. Basicslly they get there and you are expecting them to be the same girl they were when they were in their home country but they get exposure to their new surroundings, etc., people may get in their ear and they figure they can do better than you. She possibly wants to experience life without you now that she is making friends and it doesn't sound like she is really committed to the marriage. Are you sure she didn't marry you for citizenship?

[winder29]

Maybe she could do 'better', but the specimens she finds... I don't know. she'll probably come back in the next few hours. I'll concentrate on working.

She is from a wealthy family so I think she could have probably bought citizenship if it was such a big thing for her.

Her ex bf was from the same country as me also and her ex husband was German so she could have had that citizenship through her son.

[pidgeon1010]

She said she likes his job, family, dad's a policeman and the guy says I'm ugly. The best one was where she said he said he would do the same for her as I have done - fight really really hard to be with her and to get her citizenship in a good country

 

She seems to put a premium on getting "citizenship in a good country." Anyways I am sure you know her better than anyone here but I don't see this marriage lasting. It seems to be all games with her and making you jealous. How is she magically going to "grow up"? Has she had any repercussions for treating you poorly? You don't have to treat her like crap. This has more to do with you finding your self respect and nipping something that is not working for you in the bud. The relationship sounds very dysfunctional but maybe you both enjoy the drama.

[winder29]

She came home. Assured me she was trying to annoy me before, none of it was true and that she just needs a little time by herself.

If she was often like this I certainly wouldn't stay but I'll hang around and see what happens. Whilst stressful, the drama is ridiculous and has something of comedy value about it...

Women from her country have a reputation for being spoilt and she certainly was and is...

Thanks for your advice.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Divorce her. Find a girl that is normal.

[Morphine]

It is clear that she has a mental problem - at it may not be only OCD but something more serious. Though I am a doctor, psychiatry was never my strongest subject. She might me having schizoid behaviour. I would try to get psychiatric evaluation.