Workplace Crush, Expressed Feelings. Now repenting

[eternal.denied84]

Hey,

 

Long story short. I had been attracted to one of my colleague at work place. I have admired her silently for long (an year). I have had intense feelings for her but never thought/ expected anything in return because she is married and I have been in love with her like you will be in love with God.

 

we have been good friends and she also cared a lot for me as a friend.

 

During past months or so we had come close together as in She was going through tough time at work and I was being her support. I just could not control my emotions and one fine day last week I told her that I have a crush on her.

 

She told me its completely wrong and that I broke her trust. She was upset for a day or two but when I asked for forgiveness, She forgave me telling she feels that I am genuinely not a bad guy. She will erase that day from her mind and warned me that I should never repeat this either in actions or words.

 

Now, over this last week, I have not been able to put my expectaions on check. I want her to go coffee with me. I want her to talk to me alone, not in groups. Obviously she wouldnt like to do things between just two of us after knowing that I have feelings for her. She gives me standard busy excuse. Which is a fairly correct thing from her stand point. However, when I get a NO from here for any thing I ask I feel disrespected, I take that as a hit on my ego and then I start ignoring her

 

So one day I ignore her, next day I say sorry. Then again I ignore her for a day or two hoping for her to come back and then say sorry the third day.. This cycle has obviously annoyed her a lot.

 

Good things is, she is going to be in my department only for two more weeks and after that she is moving out. She is also in my lunch group.

 

what do I do for these two weeks to control my emotions?

 

a.) Should I just ignore her, avoid going on lunch group, because if she won't give me special attention (which obviously she wouldn't), I will feel bad.

 

b) Should I be nice to her, continue going on lunch group, maintain normalcy because its just a matter of two weeks and then part on good note.

[velvette]

You should be professional.

 

 

You are one wrong step away from a sexual harassment charge.

[Sastrugi]

velvette - You are one wrong step away from a sexual harassment charge.

That is an understatement.

[whichwayisup]

Hey,

 

Long story short. I had been attracted to one of my colleague at work place. I have admired her silently for long (an year). I have had intense feelings for her but never thought/ expected anything in return because she is married and I have been in love with her like you will be in love with God.

 

we have been good friends and she also cared a lot for me as a friend.

 

During past months or so we had come close together as in She was going through tough time at work and I was being her support. I just could not control my emotions and one fine day last week I told her that I have a crush on her.

 

She told me its completely wrong and that I broke her trust. She was upset for a day or two but when I asked for forgiveness, She forgave me telling she feels that I am genuinely not a bad guy. She will erase that day from her mind and warned me that I should never repeat this either in actions or words.

 

Now, over this last week, I have not been able to put my expectaions on check. I want her to go coffee with me. I want her to talk to me alone, not in groups. Obviously she wouldnt like to do things between just two of us after knowing that I have feelings for her. She gives me standard busy excuse. Which is a fairly correct thing from her stand point. However, when I get a NO from here for any thing I ask I feel disrespected, I take that as a hit on my ego and then I start ignoring her

 

So one day I ignore her, next day I say sorry. Then again I ignore her for a day or two hoping for her to come back and then say sorry the third day.. This cycle has obviously annoyed her a lot.

 

Good things is, she is going to be in my department only for two more weeks and after that she is moving out. She is also in my lunch group.

 

what do I do for these two weeks to control my emotions?

 

a.) Should I just ignore her, avoid going on lunch group, because if she won't give me special attention (which obviously she wouldn't), I will feel bad.

 

b) Should I be nice to her, continue going on lunch group, maintain normalcy because its just a matter of two weeks and then part on good note.

 

Give her lots of space. And what I mean by that is, don't go talk to her unless she comes to talk to you. Keep your distance...

 

Sorry to say this but you more or less ruined the friendship, once she leaves the department chances are high that she won't want to continue a friendship. Partially because you opened up to her about your feelings and she's married and most of all because you got clingy and got emotional/demanding, which irked her and creeped her out.

[eternal.denied84]

Thank you very much for your reply. So, I was giving her lots of space after the incident. I also told her that I won't join on lunch considering it will make her uncomfortable.however she is the one who came to me and said that we can continue to go on lunch together.

 

She also said that she wants to be nice and pleasant. And she is happy to be friends.

 

I am perfectly okay with giving her space and all. My only worry is that she should not think that I am being a douchebag when she is trying to be nice. All I want is to keep her happy. I am not expecting anything for myself.

 

What's the best thing to do in this scenario?

[clam]

It's a non-issue. She will be gone in 2 weeks. In the meantime, be polite but keep your distance.

 

I doubt you have to worry about remaining friends with her. Your behavior was creepy (she's married!) and she will likely cut you off as soon as she's gone. Like they say, out of sight, out of mind.

Edited July 18, 2015 by clam