slc9711 Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 My boyfriend and I have been together for six years now. We started dating at a very young age I was just a freshman in high school. When we met we immediately hit it off. We were such a perfect couple I just knew we were meant to be together. I've always been the type of person to look down upon cheaters and I've always made this opinion very vocal to my boyfriend and he seems to feel the same way. However, about a month ago I went against everything I've ever said. I went to a friend from works birthday party and my boyfriend did not want to go. Almost all of the management from work showed up. We were all drinking and I had way too much to drink. I don't remember much of the night, no more than bits and pieces. While at the party I made the biggest mistake of my life, I cheated on my boyfriend with a co-worker. The bad thing about it is I don't even remember what happened...I remember him flirting with me... and somehow we ended up in a room sleeping together. I remember parts of the encounter but it was as if my body was paralyzed. I remember thinking in my head no I can't do this but I couldn't actually do anything about what was happening to my body. It was when I awoke in the morning that I realized something happened and I immediately felt sick to my stomach. When I got home the day after the party my boyfriend was very happy to see me and wanted to make love right away. But, I couldn't I knew I had to tell him what happened no matter what the consequences. I've never lied or kept anything from him before and I wasn't about to start. At first he didn't seem too bothered...he just said he wasn't going to let it ruin our six year relationship because everyone makes mistakes. Later I found out the reason he was so forgiving was because he was high at the time I told him. The Monday after this happened my boyfriend finally cracked he called me from work and asked me what happen exactly... he wanted to know the details and who. So I told him as much as I remembered. At first he broke up with me and began throwing my stuff out of the house... but later it was apparent he really didn't want to leave me. We are still together today but he throws it in my face almost everyday. I've even quite my job since this happened and haven't even seen the guy since. I never wanted to hurt my boyfriend like this and I still can't believe this happened...it's like a bad dream that won't end. Anyways, I was just looking to get some advice on how to earn back someone's trust after hurting them so bad... Please help Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 It's going to take some time for him to get over it. Or, he may never. I suggest you both talk to a counselor. If he's throwing it in your face everyday, that's not healthy for either of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Honestly, not to be harsh...but to many people use that line "oh I was drunk"... I'm sorry I'm 23 years old and I've been drunk plenty of times and I know how to control myself. If I feel I'm drinking to the point of no control...I go home or if I'm home lock myself in the room with my best friend. I hate when people use that s***...You could control yourself...You control you, not your mind. Yes it can make you feel certain things and make you think you like it but you don't.... What's right is right and what's wrong is wrong!! Yes you were wrong and you made a mistake, you're only human but don't think throwing it in your face is even half the pain he's feeling knowing the one person he trusted and loved betrayed him... You have a lot of work to do, so I wish you luck and also, Ask yourself "Do I really love him like I say I do??" Link to post Share on other sites
gianig Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Maybe you made a bad mistake after that party but telling him the truth like that is not the best way, i guess. If I were you, I would do any good things for him to redeem my mistake. But... what happened to you, now! You seem to be hopeless!! Anyway, as you had said, everyone has mistakes. Therefore, I think you should write to him a letter which all of your minds and your regrets using the most suitable words for this. After one day send the letter, you should go to his home, stand close to him, look at his eyes and say: "I was wrong my dear, I will give you your happiness in the last of my life. I'm sorry. ..." or something likes that. Cheer up my friend Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 The sexual encounter you are describing sounds very disturbing. Do you, or any of your friends there, remember you ever agreeing to have sex with this guy? Did he use a condom? I've had friends who were drunk who fully acknowledged they wanted the sexual acts they had, but not remembering when/how this guy started to have sex with you is a different situation. Intoxicated doesn't mean yes. Be careful with who and how much you drink. Please go to your doctor and get tests for std's and pregnancy--your physical health is important. Make a promise to yourself--regardless if you're single or dating--that you'll only have sex with someone you fully decide to have sex with. Not due to intoxication, persuasion, or any other crap. Stay far away from guys like your co-worker. As far as your relationship, while you should be open and honest about what you're doing, and not cheat, neither should you have to grovel, wear a video camera all day, or give in to everything your boyfriend demands. It's not going to be easy for either of you. If your boyfriend feels he can now use what happened as leverage against you every time he's angry at you--and it sounds like that's what he's doing--I see your relationship with him turning into a mess. He can acknowledge his anger and hurt to you, but he has to realize it's going to take time before there is a lot of trust established again--and he also has to believe that you will not cheat anymore, and that he won't use this as excuses for his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Hello, From what you described it sounds like a classic case of someone putting something in your drink. What you describe is exactly what happens when you take the date rape drug that is very popular on college campuses. They put something in your drink unknown to you and you feel you cannot stop what is happening and have major memory lapses. I would strongly suggest that you contact the police and file a report. In addition, you must get tested for STD's. I assume you were not using condoms. I am sorry what you have going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 I'm with BryanP- the out of body experience and you not being able to move is what made me think date rape! I seriously think you were drugged. I read an article on this one time and the girls story sounded similar to yours! Get to the Dr! Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 From what you described it sounds like a classic case of someone putting something in your drink. What you describe is exactly what happens when you take the date rape drug that is very popular on college campuses. They put something in your drink unknown to you and you feel you cannot stop what is happening and have major memory lapses. I would strongly suggest that you contact the police and file a report. In addition, you must get tested for STD's. I assume you were not using condoms. I am sorry what you have going through. Maybe, Maybe NOT!! You can get drug tested and see if anything comes up...I would also go to your GYNO...It's better to be safe than sorry. However, hopefully everything will be ok and you can move on. But all I'm saying is don't expect it to be the same unless of course you were ..you know date raped.. Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Ugh, you were date raped, no question in my mind. At any point do you even remember being attracted to this guy? I think people go way too far when prosecuting "date rape", but this is the type of thing that laws are there to prevent Now, enough (and by enough I mean wayyyy too much) alcohol will do that to you, so it wasn't necesarrily something in your drink, but it does sound like it could have been. How long has it been? It sounds like it's too long to have been tested. Anyway, I'd find somebody to talk to about this, and I'd want to know what really happened, and how you found yourself in a bed with this guy. Also, talk to your boyfriend about this - tell him you really didn't want it, you never wanted it, you're appalled that it happened, and he should be supporting you not angry at you. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 I thought it sounded like she was raped too! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 I remember him flirting with me... and somehow we ended up in a room sleeping together. I remember parts of the encounter but it was as if my body was paralyzed. I remember thinking in my head no I can't do this but I couldn't actually do anything about what was happening to my body. It was when I awoke in the morning that I realized something happened and I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I'm sorry that happened to you. And I agree with the others...Date rape. Don't beat yourself up right now. First thing is first, get a full physical, make sure all is OK. Talk to your boyfriend about this, try councilling together. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 You were either drugged or you've got some kind of mental illness or you've got a MAJOR drinking problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Yeah it does sound like date rape. Link to post Share on other sites
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