babycakees Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I thought I was the only one!! I went out with this guy who would have never normally been my type. We dated a few months and as soon as I really started liking him a lot (and right after he said he wanted to call me his girlfriend), he dumped me! Out of the blue and his reason? He said I wasn't long term material. That makes zero sense because about 85% of relationships I've had have been what most would consider long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 He could probably sense the superiority complex. This discussion is kind of arrogant, don't you think? I've always gotten more humble Vibes from your direction. I don't have a superiority complex :-) I was flirty, gave him compliments and told him I found him attractive, maybe I stroke his ego way too much and he started thinking he was dating down lol Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I don't have a superiority complex :-) I was flirty, gave him compliments and told him I found him attractive, ***maybe I stroke his ego way too much and he started thinking he was dating down ***lol Or lying ...... since he has such a low opinion of himself....he just could not believe a woman like you could ever like him....so he did not believe you. Bottom line. Low self-esteem. Best you found out now. Next! (Again)..... Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I don't have a superiority complex :-) I was flirty, gave him compliments and told him I found him attractive, maybe I stroke his ego way too much and he started thinking he was dating down lol Nah, perhaps it was the sudden shift? Or perhaps he just wasnt feeling you. But it seems like this thread is a double whammy. One for declaring to the world that you were dating down, that you were better than hjm, and another to make it seem like him leaving was his problem, and there was something wrong with him for leaving you. Just seems a little out of character for you is all. You've always been pretty nice, so to see venom like this, or at least the way I'm interpreting it, is unusual. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Gaeta, what was his reason for dumping you? Did he give you a reason? Or did he just fade? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I don't have a superiority complex :-) I was flirty, gave him compliments and told him I found him attractive, maybe I stroke his ego way too much and he started thinking he was dating down lol If you were giving him compliments etc which he had never experienced in the past then yep, he would be at the least curious. It might make him wonder if you were desperate for a relationship with anyone maybe rather than actually him? That is how I view a man who gives me way too many compliments - it's unnatural - it's not like I am 21 and gorgeous! Lol! I'm 46 and OKish for my age. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I love the "there must be something wrong with them" attitude from the girl who claims she dates down and gets dumped. I really think your ego is just bruised because someone didn't want to stick around and be your charity case. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Nah, perhaps it was the sudden shift? Or perhaps he just wasnt feeling you. But it seems like this thread is a double whammy. One for declaring to the world that you were dating down, that you were better than hjm, and another to make it seem like him leaving was his problem, and there was something wrong with him for leaving you. Just seems a little out of character for you is all. You've always been pretty nice, so to see venom like this, or at least the way I'm interpreting it, is unusual. Ya, maybe it's the sudden shift, that's a good point. I don't want to come across as I am declaring I am better than him. I have a hard time dating and I am told often to stop dating younger and attractive, that's my thread about not going for younger and not going for hot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Gaeta, what was his reason for dumping you? Did he give you a reason? Or did he just fade? Not even a slow fade, a complete and sudden POOF. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Gaeta my sweet. I'm stuck with where you are at. You're beautiful (we have seen your pics) and successful in business. Something is not right when you have dated how many men 150/200 or something in the last year? Those you like and are attracted toyou jump in the sack and initiate that early. Those you are not so keen on you wait and see how it rolls. You're not winning though. Yu say you changed it for a while and didn't jump in the sack and still it fizzled. I wonder whether you are too business minded or too 'put together' and not relaxed - both can be intimidating and you have been told you are intimidating before. Try a date in jeans and a vest with flip flops and what you see is what ou get hair. (This is how any man I met finds me on date 1..2..3..4.. and then we go for a nice dinner or an event and yes then I dress up.) Be just a normal woman. Be you but relaxed you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 I love the "there must be something wrong with them" attitude from the girl who claims she dates down and gets dumped. I really think your ego is just bruised because someone didn't want to stick around and be your charity case. I never said there was something wrong with them. I said what is this phenomena about. Someone didn't want to stick around? NO ONE ever stick around lol, so really it's not like I am not used to this. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I don't have a superiority complex :-) **I was flirty, gave him compliments and told him I found him attractive, maybe I stroke his ego way too much and he started thinking he was dating down lol Why were you complimenting him, telling him you found him attractive and stroking his ego....when clearly you did not think so? Just going by what you said in your first post.....you said you found him "so-so.". Dating down.... Essentially you were bull-shytting the guy.....and he sensed that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Ya, maybe it's the sudden shift, that's a good point. I don't want to come across as I am declaring I am better than him. I have a hard time dating and I am told often to stop dating younger and attractive, that's my thread about not going for younger and not going for hot. Guys who are younger see you as experience and fun - they are not long term RS material. You can attract them yes - I attract 20 and 30 somethings IRL as well as online but I am not gonna date them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Haven't had this experience yet but will opine it's impossible to read minds so any explanations one comes up with to explain the apparent actions of another would be speculation, which was rife in the case of the couple pictured prior. Had the young lady married a man like this, same career, well the speculation would have been completely different, whether any dumping was involved or not. Myself, I prefer to date fellow humans so have never dated 'down'. Equals, sure. If I find one attractive to me personally, I ask her out. If she's not attractive to me personally, I don't ask her out. The collective 'she's' do what they do, similarly, since we're all human and have free will. Why they do what they do I'll never know. Can't read minds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Gaeta my sweet. I'm stuck with where you are at. You're beautiful (we have seen your pics) and successful in business. Something is not right when you have dated how many men 150/200 or something in the last year? Those you like and are attracted toyou jump in the sack and initiate that early. Those you are not so keen on you wait and see how it rolls. You're not winning though. Yu say you changed it for a while and didn't jump in the sack and still it fizzled. I wonder whether you are too business minded or too 'put together' and not relaxed - both can be intimidating and you have been told you are intimidating before. Try a date in jeans and a vest with flip flops and what you see is what ou get hair. (This is how any man I met finds me on date 1..2..3..4.. and then we go for a nice dinner or an event and yes then I dress up.) Be just a normal woman. Be you but relaxed you. Gemma, I feel you get a good sense of my personality and how I come across. Because of that you know there is no freakin way I will show up on a date with flip flops lol. I do get what you mean though. When I am out with a man I want him to be proud of the woman holding his arms. I dress in a way I feel confident and at this time of the year it's summer dresses and heels. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Ya, maybe it's the sudden shift, that's a good point. I don't want to come across as I am declaring I am better than him. I have a hard time dating and I am told often to stop dating younger and attractive, that's my thread about not going for younger and not going for hot. Gaeta, what always worked for me was NOT listening to what others tell you, and who THEY think you should date...... but to date only those men YOU are *attracted to* on all levels (physically, mentally, emotionally).....no matter attractive they are to others, how young, old, etc. The key is to learn how to be more discerning in who you choose to date.....and don't settle just because you are desperate for a relationship. Which is how you come across now tbh.....desperate. If that means being alone for awhile.....without regular dates and male attention.... so be it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 But something else comes to mind. I just got back from a week vacations. He kept in touch on daily basis. Then before I head back I said to him it's been way too long since your last kiss. He replied: Really? you miss my kisses? I said: of course I miss your kisses and everything else too. I never heard from him after that and my communications have been unanswered. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 But something else comes to mind. I just got back from a week vacations. He kept in touch on daily basis. Then before I head back I said to him it's been way too long since your last kiss. He replied: Really? you miss my kisses? I said: of course I miss your kisses and everything else too. I never heard from him after that and my communications have been unanswered. Is it possible something may have happened? Like a car accident? I dunno maybe he's in a coma...... Lol Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Every time I have dated down, look wise, THEY ended up dumping me. I don't understand this phenomena. You do? I met this man a few weeks ago, I thought he was so-so. He was too tall, too thin, his teeth needed some work, he only wore running shoes etc, Anyway, I decided to give it a few dates and to my surprise he grew on me! Then HE dumps me!! lol Every single time I gave a shot to a man I felt 'I can do better' he ended up dumping me, what's up with that? Bottom line: never date down. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I never said there was something wrong with them. I said what is this phenomena about. Someone didn't want to stick around? NO ONE ever stick around lol, so really it's not like I am not used to this. you sound like a guy who says "even fat chick's dump me" even though he's good looking with a good job. The simple answer is he's a d-bag,has a chit personality, bad in bed or a combination of all 3. essentially he isn't as good a catch as he thinks he is. Instead of wasting so much time and energy over analyzing what is wrong with the people who dump you, you may want to stop and think what you are or are not doing that makes them dump you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Instead of wasting so much time and energy over analyzing what is wrong with the people who dump you, you may want to stop and think what you are or are not doing that makes them dump you. Your pick is as good as mine. * I've been single too long (my mom's explanation) * I am intimidating (men I dated explanation) * I am hard to read (told by men) * I am too desperate (told on this board) * I think I want a relationship but deep down I don't (my brother's explanation) * Men are (*&?%?() (my daughter's explanation) * I just have not met the right one (my best friend's explanation) Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Your pick is as good as mine. * I've been single too long (my mom's explanation) * I am intimidating (men I dated explanation) * I am hard to read (told by men) * I am too desperate (told on this board) * I think I want a relationship but deep down I don't (my brother's explanation) * Men are (*&?%?() (my daughter's explanation) * I just have not met the right one (my best friend's explanation) I vote for none of the above. I say stop being so ego-driven and *craving* attention from men.....learn to let go of the past (abusive behavior, not getting any male attention until a few years ago) love yourself, be happy with yourself (on your own).....and when the right man (for you and you for him) comes along, you will know it very quickly and everything will fall into place. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 But something else comes to mind. I just got back from a week vacations. He kept in touch on daily basis. Then before I head back I said to him it's been way too long since your last kiss. He replied: Really? you miss my kisses? I said: of course I miss your kisses and everything else too. I never heard from him after that and my communications have been unanswered. I think this is way too much to say to a guy you've only known a few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I think this is way too much to say to a guy you've only known a few weeks. I think that's a sweet thing to say. If I liked the girl I'd love to hear that. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Maybe some of them want an ego boost. It's like they just want validation that they can do something, so they do it. Link to post Share on other sites
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