Your experience with Dating down ?

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, jmo but I think you should break this date tomorrow and give yourself time to process what's going on in your current relationship.

 

Whether it's the end, or a blip, give yourself time to process before seeking attention from yet another new man.....I can tell you are confused..... and hurting.

 

((hugs))

 

Thank you Katie.

 

It's one big blip considering at 11 am he said he'd call me as soon as he gets up and it's now 10 pm. I don't know if he's coming or going, and he probably doesn't know himself.

 

Man from tomorrow set up that date with me like 3 weeks ago before flying out on vacations. At the time I had only gone on 1 date with current guy so I accepted. He gave me a call tonight to work the details. Him and I had our first date months ago.

[katiegrl]

Ladies,

Great information. I agree with almost everything written about dating, men, and relationships.

Where I differ, is with this man.

Sometimes it easier for a guy to understand another guy.

This guy is a game playing, slither talking jerk.

 

You've given Gaeta good info.

It would behoove her to move along, use that information, and find someone more deserving of her.

 

lg, when did you figure out he was a slither talking jerk?

 

Gotta admit, I did not think that. At least not at first.

 

What did I (we) miss?

[Versacehottie]

lg, when did you figure out he was a slither talking jerk?

 

Gotta admit, I did not think that. At least not at first.

 

What did I (we) miss?

 

I have to admit i don't know the whole story about this guy only this thread's worth. However, ultimately Gaeta is the decider. I don't think she "needs" to do one thing or another. I think she needs confidence in herself to take guys actions into account and decide with that information. So far i don't see anything heinous on his end--just not a meeting of the minds yet. I think as an experiment it might help her not to go full out OR cut off but just take what comes and evaluate what comes from him. Just an idea. I didn't see a snake yet.

[katiegrl]

I have to admit i don't know the whole story about this guy only this thread's worth. However, ultimately Gaeta is the decider. I don't think she "needs" to do one thing or another. I think she needs confidence in herself to take guys actions into account and decide with that information. So far i don't see anything heinous on his end--just not a meeting of the minds yet. I think as an experiment it might help her not to go full out OR cut off but just take what comes and evaluate what comes from him. Just an idea. I didn't see a snake yet.

 

Agree and have not seen a snake yet either.

 

But lg just seems so *sure*.

 

Just wondering what he is seeing that we are not.

[lgspot]

lg, when did you figure out he was a slither talking jerk?

 

Gotta admit, I did not think that. At least not at first.

 

What did I (we) miss?

 

Katie,

This thread and her other.

So much of the time his actions have not matched words.

ALWAYS A READY EXCUSE.

Push/pull behavior.

*******My man "gut" and early warning alarms.********

 

I've also had a bit of my own less than stellar behavior in pursuit of females.

Sometimes it just takes one to know one.

I work with a bunch of men around the clock. Got a very accurate Bull$hiT detector.

Wish I understood you ladies even a fraction as well.

[katiegrl]

Katie,

This thread and her other.

So much of the time his actions have not matched words.

ALWAYS A READY EXCUSE.

Push/pull behavior.

*******My man "gut" and early warning alarms.********

 

I've also had a bit of my own less than stellar behavior in pursuit of females.

Sometimes it just takes one to know one.

I work with a bunch of men around the clock. Got a very accurate Bull$hiT detector.

Wish I understood you ladies even a fraction as well.

 

Ok. Don't recall her other thread about him.....perhaps if I had read that, I would have seen it.

[lgspot]

Ok. Don't recall her other thread about him.....perhaps if I had read that, I would have seen it.

Just saying Gaeta deserves better than she's been getting.

You all have provided her some wonderful insight.

I saw her starting to doubt herself based on this guys behavior. I don't feel she is the problem here.

My opinion is she would be better served cutting her losses now and focus on the good guys that are available.

 

Personally, I don't believe this guy is relationship material for her.

I have all the faith in the world in female intuition.......

Man gut ain't bad either.

My man gut and jerk detector has been screaming ever since I saw his push/pull manipulation surface.

[Gaeta]

He called at 11 pm. I didn't pick up.

 

He texts after : you must be already sleeping. I wish you a sweet night.

 

I don't get him!! If he only has time to call late than say so!

 

Katie l got a thread in the sex section.

[katiegrl]

Just saying Gaeta deserves better than she's been getting.

You all have provided her some wonderful insight.

I saw her starting to doubt herself based on this guys behavior. I don't feel she is the problem here.

My opinion is she would be better served cutting her losses now and focus on the good guys that are available.

 

Personally, I don't believe this guy is relationship material for her.

I have all the faith in the world in female intuition.......

Man gut ain't bad either.

My man gut and jerk detector has been screaming ever since I saw his push/pull manipulation surface.

 

Re doubting herself, well Gaeta did admit to acknowledging some truths though....like subconsciously being somewhat angry at men, while at the same time craving their attention........and believing they (most) are dogs who after sex will dump her.

 

Which attitudes will definitely reflect the vibes she sends out.....and which she agreed and promised to think about and explore.

 

Those things cannot and should not be dismissed.

[William]

As a reminder, our guidelines of discussion require, if alluding to content of *any* of a thread starter's other threads, such content shall be quoted directly with a linkable quote and relevance to the current topic established.

 

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With that out of the way, please continue sharing your experiences regarding dating down and the relevance to the thread starter's dating situation. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive.

[lgspot]

He called at 11 pm. I didn't pick up.

 

He texts after : you must be already sleeping. I wish you a sweet night.

 

I don't get him!! If he only has time to call late than say so!

 

Katie l got a thread in the sex section.

Greta,

Classic Push/Pull behavior. Manipulation.

Is a tool.

Keep you off balance.

Then call late at night just before bed or when you are in bed so that he remains on your mind as a last memory. All sugar and spice.

MANIPULATION!!!!

It takes 5 seconds to text. Come on?!? He had time to touch base.

This is a bonding stage of dating after the sleeping together. And this is what you get?

 

Dating down----Oh Yes!!!

 

This guy is so far down from what you deserve.

Haven't even mentioned looks.

[katiegrl]

Greta,

Classic Push/Pull behavior. Manipulation.

Is a tool.

Keep you off balance.

Then call late at night just before bed or when you are in bed so that he remains on your mind as a last memory. All sugar and spice.

MANIPULATION!!!!

It takes 5 seconds to text. Come on?!? He had time to touch base.

This is a bonding stage of dating after the sleeping together. And this is what you get?

 

Dating down----Oh Yes!!!

 

This guy is so far down from what you deserve.

Haven't even mentioned looks.

 

^^ I DO agree with this! Am starting to see the snake now.

 

Gaeta, walk away from this. Don't waste any more time on him.....

 

lg is right about him, I see it now.

 

Sorry.....

[lgspot]

^^ I DO agree with this! Am starting to see the snake now.

 

Gaeta, walk away from this. Don't waste any more time on him.....

 

lg is right about him, I see it now.

 

Sorry.....

katiegrl, It doesn't feel right seeing nice people manipulated.

Greta is looking for a good relationship and it's disappointing to see guys like this creating doubts about herself.

You all gave her so much good information that is spot on for relationships.

 

I wasn't always at best behavior in the dating game, so as I've gotten older I try to do better by people.

If I can steer someone away from slippery slopes and game playing, I will.

 

You guys gave me some helpful information in what was posted to Gaeta.

Thanks.

[SoleMate]

A thought for you about authenticity, Gaeta:

 

I feel you bring your full authenticity HERE, to LS. That's how so many people have gotten to know you and to care about you. See how much energy is put into responding to you! You have built great online r/s. This is what makes me think you could connect better with men IRL. On LS, you are so open and honest with basically everyone. Are you holding men IRL at emotional arm's length? And if so, do you want to change that?

 

Just another idea for you.

[Gaeta]

A thought for you about authenticity, Gaeta:

 

I feel you bring your full authenticity HERE, to LS. That's how so many people have gotten to know you and to care about you. See how much energy is put into responding to you! You have built great online r/s. This is what makes me think you could connect better with men IRL. On LS, you are so open and honest with basically everyone. Are you holding men IRL at emotional arm's length? And if so, do you want to change that?

 

Just another idea for you.

 

Thank you.

 

This reminds me one evening with this current man, just before falling asleep he said I can tell you haven't had affectionate men in your life. I was taken back and did not know what to say. At the time I did not even want to ask why he was saying that. Kind of scares me to ask but I should.

[Itspointless]

Thank you.

 

This reminds me one evening with this current man, just before falling asleep he said I can tell you haven't had affectionate men in your life. I was taken back and did not know what to say. At the time I did not even want to ask why he was saying that. Kind of scares me to ask but I should.

He probably has noticed that you have some kind of reserve.

[Revolver]

Lol get this "well looks are subjective" garbage out of here. I think some people in this thread are being intentionally obtuse acting like they don't know what op means.

 

As for the question , I think many women intentionally "date down" because they feel guys who are less attractive then them are more safe and easier to control. My brother has had women flat out tell him I can't trust you because you are too good looking. " We can hook up but if we date you'll just end up breaking my heart".

[Versacehottie]

Lol get this "well looks are subjective" garbage out of here. I think some people in this thread are being intentionally obtuse acting like they don't know what op means.

 

 

I think there are people that "generally" get a good looking stamp of approval by most other people so it's not completely subjective. However, no one is being obtuse. I think we just don't believe that being better looking than the guy is going to carry her through the whole relationship. That simplifies things way too much. What's that saying: with every beautiful woman, somewhere there is a guy who's doesn't want to fu*k her anymore. It's almost like accepting a date with someone who is not as good looking levels the playing field. They are in the door because OP has seen them as equal enough. Then within the relationship, if someone acts too eager for one or doesn't show the self-respect attributed to a gorgeous person, they get treated as less than. The looks aren't not on the pedestal anymore--it doesn't matter what the reality of the looks are. Now he's experienced it.

[empresario]

Late to the party, but you know what I've noticed?

 

 

It's always the after-date NC for me. It only happens if I am clearly more attractive than the woman with whom I went out. I always wondered why homely girls were the picky ones.

 

 

Maybe when I have 5 hours (how did this thread get so lengthy?) I may try to find the answer. Not that I'm THAT interested in the homely girls (because honestly I usually don't want to go out again it just confuses me that they don't either)...because usually it was an OLD girl that took better pictures than reality.

[Biscous]

You end up resenting the person for not being your ideal.

[GemmaUK]

Gaeta, maybe you rolled over to sleep (which is fine) but he expected you to cuddle?

 

 

I have tried to understand the below post and have read it several times. Is it just me who doesn't get it?

 

 

Late to the party, but you know what I've noticed?

 

 

It's always the after-date NC for me. It only happens if I am clearly more attractive than the woman with whom I went out. I always wondered why homely girls were the picky ones.

 

 

Maybe when I have 5 hours (how did this thread get so lengthy?) I may try to find the answer. Not that I'm THAT interested in the homely girls (because honestly I usually don't want to go out again it just confuses me that they don't either)...because usually it was an OLD girl that took better pictures than reality.

[MoreAmore]

 

Every single time I gave a shot to a man I felt 'I can do better' he ended up dumping me, what's up with that?

 

I am sure no one wants to be with someone who is settling for them. I would dump you too, and feel that I was lucky to get away. (General you here, meaning the person who thought of me as dating down) That's a disturbing attitude. I have never dated down. I have dated individuals who were from common social convention less attractive than I am, but I never have seen anyone and felt like I was giving him or her something by being willing to give a chance. I want to feel lucky to be with him/her, and I want him/her to feel the same about me.

Edited July 20, 2015 by MoreAmore

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, maybe you rolled over to sleep (which is fine) but he expected you to cuddle?

 

I am a big cuddler. Maybe I am too touchy. Also when we were out I was the one reaching for his arms. Maybe I think I do enough and I don't, maybe I do too much. I will only know if I ask, which I intent to do. I have nothing to lose considering this is not going to turn into a relationship.

[Gaeta]

I want to clarify to the people who are offended at my wording 'dating down'. Loosen up a little. I could have been more politically correct and say dating someone not my usual style, is that better?

 

I also want to specify it's not about spending time with someone I don't find attractive and will end up resenting them, it's about giving a chance to someone I usually don't go for and surprisingly finding myself attracted to them after a few dates.

 

It's like falling into my own trap.

 

They're super into me at first, I am meh about them but decide to ride it anyway and see. I end up smitten and they're the one going meh.

[empresario]

Gaeta, maybe you rolled over to sleep (which is fine) but he expected you to cuddle?

 

 

I have tried to understand the below post and have read it several times. Is it just me who doesn't get it?

 

I will try to rephrase:

 

 

I find the OP to be correct. But for me it only happens after a first date. If I go on a first date with someone less attractive than me they universally have no interest in another. Even if I were interested myself (on occasion I am willing to go down a couple rungs if the person is wicked awesome).

 

 

I never got why more homely women give up after 1 date.