I tried to be nice...

[La.Primavera]

I wasn't sure what the context of this thread was so I looked previous posts. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for what you are going through right now. It must be very confusing and painful.

 

I'm not going to tell you what to do. I just hope for the sake of your relationship with your daughter that you don't give up hope. There is nothing more special than a father/daughter bond, never forget that.

 

Take care.

[sandylee1]

Thank you Sandy, that was a very sensible and in depth reply, I know everything you have said is right, and if as I expect my ex gives me 2 regular days with my little Ell I will stay, it will be painful but I need to get through it, my ex wants to be good friends but I kind of hate her for what she has done to me and taken away from me, she cheated on me, dumped me, replaced me, moved the other guy in, banned me from the house, cut me off, cut me out, got engaged to this other guy, he asked her dad if he could marry her, they are going to Thailand together in September, she rubs everything in my face, speaks to me like sh*t, - this dude picks my daughter up every night from nursery, it all kills me, this is a really bad situation, it has hit me for 6

 

Your welcome.

 

You can be a better person than her. If only for your daughter's sake you need to be civil. Once you hopefully get visitation sorted out, you just need to pick Ella up on your days, always be reliable and don't give her any excuses to call you a deadbeat dad.

 

There are lots of girls out there who would want a guy like you with morals and who wouldn't cheat on them. You just need to get in the right frame of mind. Tell yourself that a woman who cheats on you , when I presume she had a young baby, just isn't worth it.

 

In all honesty you should be glad she's not still with you, because she would just be wasting your valuable time .

 

Don't give her the opportunity to tell you about her life. All you need to do is pick Ella up at the scheduled time . Call her when you're outside the house and ask if Ella is ready as your just outside. Pick her up and leave. You say I'll bring her back at 6 o'clock bye.

 

I know you feel hurt, but make sure you don't let her see that. Don't let your actions be interpreted as childish , otherwise she'll just say that's why she finished with you.

 

Any issues with Ella, you let her know and leave. You don't need to hear her stories. She's just being a bi**h.

 

Once you have your scheduled days, you shouldn't have to call her everyday to see how your daughter is. If there's an emergency, she should call you and the same when you have Ella.

 

Be sure to create good memories for your daughter. Be it with days out, take photographs so she'll know that she's always been important to you.

[hotmrw]

@ Sandylee

 

You are a remarkable and caring human being I can tell

 

God bless you xxx

[hotmrw]

Hi everyone, I feel like a serial poster of late, I just wondered what everyone else's experiences were of calming/reducing there Anxiety, obsessive thoughts, Depression ETC ETC ETC

 

I tend to listen to mindful meditation ( guided ) or choir music

 

What helps you?

[dangerbang]

Meditation in the long term. In the short term, booze, and cocaine. But this just fuels more anxiety when I'm hungover!

[Brigit_1]

Hi everyone, I feel like a serial poster of late, I just wondered what everyone else's experiences were of calming/reducing there Anxiety, obsessive thoughts, Depression ETC ETC ETC

 

I tend to listen to mindful meditation ( guided ) or choir music

 

What helps you?

 

For guided meditation I like Gael Chiarella the best. But I also love this free site: Guided Meditation Audio - Listen for free

 

Then there is Tara Brach who is amazing and also free:

Tara Brach - Meditation, Audio Dharma, Podcasts

 

Eckhart Tolle my #1 go to guy:

https://www.youtube.com/user/EckhartTeachings

 

Then I use exercise to exhaustion till I'm too tired to think so I fall asleep.

 

Call my friends and bored them with my crap.

 

Hold my dog.

 

Distraction.

[contel3]

Meditation. Going to the gym. Exploring nature. Eating healthy. And most of all: finding a new obsession. Love is like a drug, you need to replace it. In my case I replaced it with loads of work, trips and doing a diving licence. Just find something you know you like or always wanted to try and force yourself to start doing it. I have found a new relationship doesn't help me I just end up feeling trapped. Also keep away from smoking, drugs, alcohol.....and social media!

[arsenal78]

It's the obsessive thoughts that drive me insane; which in tien leads to the anxiety. Vigorously exercising has been my only savior to this day in fighting it. Avoiding alcohol definitely helps as that increases my anxiety, especially next day.

 

Writing all your thoughts down helps, just avoid the urge to send them to your ex, as for me that was very hard.

 

Keeping busy is the best of choices, but it's often easier said than done.

[Ariess10]

I like to drink, always have but I know the next day I will pay for it .. But I'm not gonna stop something I enjoy (once a week) because of some girl .. But I also enjoy the gym have lost almost 50 pounds in just under 4 months and I feel great .. When I get anxiety I just breath and tell myself this shall pass ..

[sandylee1]

@ Sandylee

 

You are a remarkable and caring human being I can tell

 

God bless you xxx

 

Thanks very much.

 

It's just important for you to be there for the little one. .....from one Brit to another. Chin up and you'll make it.

[hotmrw]

I am starting to feel better in myself, I feel I am starting to get to grips with all this sh*t that has been thrust upon me, confidence is coming back, my spring in my step is coming back, I see my little Ell tomorrow, can't wait, not looking forward to seeing her mother like, F**k her, it is about me and Ell now, I will be having a talk to my Ex tomorrow where I hope to nail down my days with my daughter, then I am telling her I wont be contacting her unless I have to, and if it solely relates to Ell, then I will be a gentleman and open the door for her ( You can f**k off now love )

 

Peace everyone.....

[frigginlost]

I am starting to feel better in myself, I feel I am starting to get to grips with all this sh*t that has been thrust upon me, confidence is coming back, my spring in my step is coming back, I see my little Ell tomorrow, can't wait, not looking forward to seeing her mother like, F**k her, it is about me and Ell now, I will be having a talk to my Ex tomorrow where I hope to nail down my days with my daughter, then I am telling her I wont be contacting her unless I have to, and if it solely relates to Ell, then I will be a gentleman and open the door for her ( You can f**k off now love )

 

Peace everyone.....

 

Glad to hear you're doing good tonight. You're on a pretty ****ty roller coaster right now, so some highs are going to come with the lows. Just keep your little girl front and center in your mind.

 

You got this.

[hotmrw]

Well I completely f**ked up, it never went well, she was on one when she turned up, and said I only have five minutes, I ended up calling her a cheat and loads of other stuff, I called her bloke a pleb, she said he isn't a pleb, tried to nail down contact with my daughter, I got one day for two weeks and then two thereafter, she started with the crocodile tears, in the end she stormed off because I said I was maybe getting back with my EX ( who she thinks is a drug addict ) she aint, and it is a different EX totally, my mam grabbed her arm when she stormed out and said are you OK she just pulled her arm away and stormed off, I then text some pretty bad stuff and I was told to F**K OFF and that I am a crank, not good, I am just not ready to be civil to this b*tch, I just cant be at the moment

[casey.lives]

i sucks to have to go through this with a child in the mix. it's my worst nightmare. maybe you should use a sister/brother or someone trusted to do the pick up and drop off. In these situation our Egos are working overtime. it's not who you really are and you don't want your baby girl to get the wrong impression of her daddy. it's an extremely high demand .. dealing fresh with a cheating home-wrecking ex. give yourself time. to be a good parent YOU need to be good. give yourself permission to care for yourself

[hotmrw]

I am sure you all know my story by now, I was dumped for another guy, she moved him in, got/going to get engaged, he asked her dad if he could marry her, they are going to Thailand together in September, we have a little 13 month old child together, he picks her up from nursery every day, they all go back have tea together and I am banned from the house...... BRUTAL

 

Anyway she came this morning with my daughter ( not seen my little girl in three and a half weeks ) her hands came straight up for me to pick her up

Loved it, anyway this is where it all started to go wrong

 

My ex was clearly not in the best of moods, we had agreed to chat but she said I only have 5 minutes I have things to do ( she ended up staying about 25 )

but she p!sses me off as she is always angry and irate and snappy

 

to be honest I called her a f**king cheat and everything else, said you was sneaking behind my back, called her new bloke a p**ck, then we went in the kitchen for a smoke, not sure why, or cant remember why but she started crying over something, I tried comforting her and she just told me to get off her, then I told her to look in my eyes she refused, I asked her again, she refused, then I sort of moved my head to look in her eyes and she started laughing a little, she said I could have my little Ell Wednesdays and Thursdays and can pick her up from nursery if I want, I just cant help but get angry at her because of what she did to me, I just cant get past it, quite a lot got said then I said I dont want to message you, I want to message somebody who prioritizes me, then I said my Ex Ex has found out I am single an wants to try again, I did say I am not a branch swinger, swinging from one relationship to the next like you, so I don't think I can, her face kind of changed and said you mean that f**king Cody

( she got the wrong ex ) I said nothing, she said again do you mean that f**king smack head Cody ( she is not a smack head ) I again said nothing, then she jumped up and stormed out, my mam grabbed her by the arm on her way out and said are you ok, she lunged her arm back said nothing and stormed off, then I really f**ked up and sent loads of text messages implying she is an irresponsible mother ( she is going to Thailand for 11 days, and leaving our 13 month old daughter behind ) I stand by my statement, I think it is irresponsible, I never called her any names other than a cheat etc etc etc, then I said collect ella at 5, I wont be hear because I don't want to see your cheating face, and that I am going 100 miles away to another city but will be back for Wednesday, now when she collected Ella the first thing she said to my mother was = so has he gone to hull then ( 100 miles away ) my mam said no, then she said I am not having him speak to me like that, I DONT KNOW WEATHER HE IS SEEING ELLA ON THURSDAY NOW

 

I am entitled to a break, my mother tried explaining that I was not calling her a bad mother but I was not happy at her going to the far east for 11 days while she leaves our daughter behind, she never listened of course

 

So this is where I stand, this woman ( girl ) never seems to be happy, always snappy, always pi**ed off, always angry, what is her f**king problem, I don't know weather it is just with me but I cant be done with her any more, can I ask was I wrong here? because I get pi**ed off at her being angry with me all the time.

[Jessie1231]

You're calling her a bad mother for going away for 11 days but aren't you or weren't you considering moving far away just to get away from the mom and leaving this same child behind? Isn't that a bit hypocritical of you?

 

You both seem way too dramatic and need to grow up a lot since you now have a kid together. Like it or not, because you have a kid together you two will have some type of relationship. For your daughter's sake you two need to learn to behave like the grown ups in the situation.

[pidgeon1010]

I feel your pain and have followed your postings on here, however, I am sorry to some of this drama is created by you. You are clearly not over her and still angry that she cheated on your and has seemingly moved on with her life. I think you really need professional help, especially considering a child is involved. She shouldn't use your daughter as pawn in reaction to you yelling and stating that you are moving away but I can see how she has reached her wits end with you.

 

 

Question for you, who is going to take care of your daughter while mom is away for 11 days? Hopefully you! There is nothing wrong with a mother taking a trip so long as she has support and someone trustworthy to take care of the child while she is away. I think you are more pissed off that she is going away with her fiancée than you are that she is leaving your daughter behind. You hadn't seen her for 3.5 weeks so are you really in the position to tell your ex when she can go on vacation? You really need to sort yourself out and move forward for the sake of your daughter. You seem to be disintegrating emotionally. I am really sorry you are going through this and hope you get some semblance of normalcy back in your life for your child's sake. Everything you described is absolutely disruptive!

Edited July 16, 2015 by pidgeon1010

[sandylee1]

I hate to say this, but you're not helping things at all. All this arguing isn't good for your daughter. That should have been your focus, not your Ex. She puts her arms up because she's missed you. You haven't seen your daughter in almost a month and your more concerned about having a spat with your Ex?

 

You need to behave more responsibly or you will loose out on being a part of your daughter's life. Part of growing up is realising that others can be mean, nasty, cheaters, manipulators and more...you can't let these people define you. You certainly shouldn't let her get in the way of you being a good dad.

 

So how often will you see Ella when you move? You're accusing her of being a bad mum? Are you being a good dad ?

 

Going away doesn't make one a bad mother, as long as the child is in capable hands. She needs to have a life as well. It's hard work with a child that age.

 

She gave you the chance to pick Ella up from nursery, but you weren't bothered. You're so stuck on her that you don't even really seem to want time with Ella.

 

I'm going to be really honest here....right now , you're only thinking about yourself and not your daughter. Another man picks her up every day and if you go 100 miles away and don't see Ella enough....She'll soon forget you . Then she'll start calling the other guy daddy.

 

From the outside looking in, people are going to think she's got a better responsible man , who steps up to the plate. They're not even married and he's picking up your daughter every day. He is going to be the father figure and the one she looks up to , because you couldn't get passed the hurt and ran away.

 

They'll be a happy family and you'll be the bitter one , unless you get yourself together. You are equally responsible for bringing your daughter into this world and your gonna just up and leave her.

 

I can't say anymore to you, but remember when I said how you'll feel if this guy walks your daughter down the aisle because you were never there? If it doesn't bother you, then off to Hull you go.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're calling her a bad mother for going away for 11 days but aren't you or weren't you considering moving far away just to get away from the mom and leaving this same child behind? Isn't that a bit hypocritical of you?

 

You both seem way too dramatic and need to grow up a lot since you now have a kid together. Like it or not, because you have a kid together you two will have some type of relationship. For your daughter's sake you two need to learn to behave like the grown ups in the situation.

 

Bingo.

 

OP, you both have a lot of work to do. You need a lawyer or at least a mediator. Have you already sought the advice of one? If not, why haven't you? It's clear you two cannot maturely handle your issues on your own and your child is going to witness the fallout of this drama. You will be doing a lot of damage to her if you continue to behave this way around her mother. Same goes for Mom.

 

Why hadn't you seen your daughter for 3.5 weeks?

[Satu]

You both need to get your egos out of the way so that you can be good parents to your child.

 

So far, the two of you are just being selfish and egotistical.

[LeslieKnope]

Good man, I know you've been wronged and mistreated by this woman but you must not be so reactive when interacting with her. For better or for worse, she is the mother of your child. Most importantly, for the sake of your daughter, you want to maintain a civil (which shouldn't be mistaken for cordial/friendly/affectionate) relationship with her. If you cannot interact with this woman without having a fight, please consider having your daughter dropped off at a neutral location or person's house instead of having to interact with her at all (ie. a nursery pickup, a nanny, a grandparent, etc). It does not help your daughter or your own mental health/self-esteem to continue being so angry at such a person. Let her go to Thailand - it makes no difference to your abilities as a parent.

[ExpatInItaly]

Wait just a moment..

 

OP, I've been reading through your other threads, and I am honestly having a difficult time keeping track. There seems to be quite the dysfunctional and self-destructive pattern here.

 

How many children do you have, exactly? By how many different women? What are their ages, and are you in their lives? If not, why not? What is your role as a father to these children?

[Satu]

Good man, I know you've been wronged and mistreated by this woman but you must not be so reactive when interacting with her. For better or for worse, she is the mother of your child. Most importantly, for the sake of your daughter, you want to maintain a civil (which shouldn't be mistaken for cordial/friendly/affectionate) relationship with her. If you cannot interact with this woman without having a fight, please consider having your daughter dropped off at a neutral location or person's house instead of having to interact with her at all (ie. a nursery pickup, a nanny, a grandparent, etc). It does not help your daughter or your own mental health/self-esteem to continue being so angry at such a person. Let her go to Thailand - it makes no difference to your abilities as a parent.

 

This is so true.

[hotmrw]

Thanks for all the replies, I see now after the event/s of today that I was at fault, my emotions simply got the better of me, as usual I regret a lot of what went on, story of my life, I know I need to get it together, I just struggle with emotional stuff like this, I wont be contacting her now until Wednesday regarding having Ella on the Thursday ( her request ).

 

I have 4 children to 3 women

I am in the lives of 3 ( 2 live in Hull they have the same mother )

Obviously Ella here where I live

And Anastasia but she lives in Sweden so am not in her life, but I do have court orders in Hull, Edinburgh, Florida, granting me access, I would never go the court route ever again, just not worth it.

[frigginlost]

Thanks for all the replies, I see now after the event/s of today that I was at fault, my emotions simply got the better of me, as usual I regret a lot of what went on, story of my life, I know I need to get it together, I just struggle with emotional stuff like this, I wont be contacting her now until Wednesday regarding having Ella on the Thursday ( her request ).

 

I have 4 children to 3 women

I am in the lives of 3 ( 2 live in Hull they have the same mother )

Obviously Ella here where I live

And Anastasia but she lives in Sweden so am not in her life, but I do have court orders in Hull, Edinburgh, Florida, granting me access, I would never go the court route ever again, just not worth it.

 

If I were you, for the sake of my daughter, I would send my ex a simple "Hey, just wanted to apologize for my behavior today. I look foward to seeing my daughter next week" text and leave it at that. Then go silent. Your ex is probably beyond pissed right now and she has shown that she can't handle things in a mature nature. Your daughter does not need that kind of bad vibe around her.

 

Yes it sucks, and what your ex did is ****ty, but this is about your daughter...