sookie321 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) i dontunderstand though, when the wife finds out and she still stays in the marriage. i mean, what s up with that? Well, in this case I think it was: a) They got together very young. b) She was/is the one chasing him, he settled for comfort (told he never was in love with her, but who knows now). Cannot give him up as he is her whole life. c) She is totally dependent financially. d) They have kids. e) Fear to lose the status - what family and other people would think bs. I have never asked him anything. Never texted or called him first as I respected his privacy and thought he needs to sort this out himself. But now I see that he was/is waiting for others to take a decision for him. First it was with the W. He expected that once she found out, she would kick him out. Didn't happen. Now it was with me - playing weak and trapped in the circumstances, telling me he is not worthy of me, so that I would give up on him. As far as I know W was shocked at first. Wanted to meet me. Got sick emotionally. And now is back to being a 'good' W and pretending nothing has happened but controlling his every step. He says that deep down she knows their relationship is sh** but would not admit it. No MC or anything. Well good luck to them. To add on NC - it's day 3 and I feel so so stupid because since we would usually talk only once in 1-2 weeks, today I caught myself thinking that: he probably doesn't even realize that I'm in NC yet. For some reason I want him to call me so just I can ignore the call. Pathetic... How are you today? Edited July 20, 2015 by sookie321 editing Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Well, in this case I think it was: a) They got together very young. b) She was/is the one chasing him, he settled for comfort (told he never was in love with her, but who knows now). Cannot give him up as he is her whole life. c) She is totally dependent financially. d) They have kids. e) Fear to lose the status - what family and other people would think bs. I have never asked him anything. Never texted or called him first as I respected his privacy and thought he needs to sort this out himself. But now I see that he was/is waiting for others to take a decision for him. First it was with the W. He expected that once she found out, she would kick him out. Didn't happen. Now it was with me - playing weak and trapped in the circumstances, telling me he is not worthy of me, so that I would give up on him. As far as I know W was shocked at first. Wanted to meet me. Got sick emotionally. And now is back to being a 'good' W and pretending nothing has happened but controlling his every step. He says that deep down she knows their relationship is sh** but would not admit it. No MC or anything. Well good luck to them. To add on NC - it's day 3 and I feel so so stupid because since we would usually talk only once in 1-2 weeks, today I caught myself thinking that: he probably doesn't even realize that I'm in NC yet. For some reason I want him to call me so just I can ignore the call. Pathetic... How are you today? Now it was with me - playing weak and trapped in the circumstances, telling me he is not worthy of me, so that I would give up on him. this happened to me also at some point. maybe they feel less guilty if we leave them and not the other way around. do u want him to call u and ignore him. that s good i guess. u take your power back. that s why i didnt block mine yet. i m thinking he ll reach out someday and i want to see that day. so his wife knows and she s still with him. wow. and why he wanted her to know so she can kick him out? he s 12? can t make decisions for himself? huh so many questions. it s a mistery. they lack the power of decision. i even told mine that IF his marriage is ever over, it will be his wife s choice for sure. i m a little better today, i don t know... there are ok days, bad days, horrible days... i did smile today for a while. felt good 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 sookie, have u given any thought about counseling? it s a lot to digest, with the pregnancy and everything. i m seriously thiking to go because i can t separate my emotions anymore. try to think about it, i know it will help 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sookie321 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 sookie, have u given any thought about counseling? it s a lot to digest, with the pregnancy and everything. i m seriously thiking to go because i can t separate my emotions anymore. try to think about it, i know it will help Yes, I am going in a few weeks. Not sure if I can tell it all to a stranger somehow. But thinking maybe some part will do and that it cannot be for worse than it is now. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 maybe they feel less guilty if we leave them and not the other way around. Or more? Guilty toward the BW, that they didn't value the M enough (or, we not sufficiently concerned about causing the BW pain) to end the A themselves? Guilty toward the OW, that after all her giving and trying, she had been driven to such depths of despair that she no longer saw any hope in the R, and ended it? do u want him to call u and ignore him. that s good i guess. u take your power back. that s why i didnt block mine yet. i m thinking he ll reach out someday and i want to see that day. What are you hoping he will say, if he calls? That he wants you back? That he's prepared tondo whatever it takes to get you back? That he's already ended the M? And, how are you hoping to respond to him? Are you still hoping that, perhaps one day, you might end up together, or are you hoping he will have ended his M and be begging you to take him back so that you can spurn him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dela Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Or more? Guilty toward the BW, that they didn't value the M enough (or, we not sufficiently concerned about causing the BW pain) to end the A themselves? Guilty toward the OW, that after all her giving and trying, she had been driven to such depths of despair that she no longer saw any hope in the R, and ended it? What are you hoping he will say, if he calls? That he wants you back? That he's prepared tondo whatever it takes to get you back? That he's already ended the M? And, how are you hoping to respond to him? Are you still hoping that, perhaps one day, you might end up together, or are you hoping he will have ended his M and be begging you to take him back so that you can spurn him? i would like for him to put his thiughts in order, to stop being so confused ann just tal about things. i would like to see him at least trying. as i posted in my other thread ( NC Journal), i know that he is scared and confused. but i know i have no power over his actions. he is going to figure it ot himself. yes i would like for him to get to the conclusion to end his marriage or not. i would like that now if we broke up, to use this time, go IC, think about what he wants from life. of course somehow i am hoping that we ll end up together. i dont even have to be around when he D. we can start again. I m not going back in the A, i dont think my presence in his life makes a difference. i think he can see the things better if i m gone. what do u think? Link to post Share on other sites
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