To Tony, I need some advice.

[Sam]

Tony, your response to my message "I need some help and advice" dated march 19,2001 at 9:13am, somehow brought some senses to me but i still have a couple of questions.

 

- Since my girlfriend gave me a blowjob without hesitation and I agree that I benefitted from it, does that mean it's something to be cherished? Is it something positive for our relationship?

 

- Does that mean she really love me like she said she does, for giving me that considering that our relationship is only few months old?

 

- Since you told me that I don't need to apologize to her for nagging and convincing her about looking and touching her private part, but I did apologize before I got to read your reply, is that ok or will it have any negative effect?

 

- I agreed to her that I won't convince her again and clearly she's not ready for sex yet. Will she be the one to tell me when she's ready or am I still be the one to ask her some other time again?

 

Thanks for any help.

[Tony T]

1. Since my girlfriend gave me a blowjob without hesitation and I agree that I benefitted from it, does that mean it's something to be cherished?

 

I don't know if oral sex is something to put in the category of things to be cherished but certainly the moment of intimacy and closeness would be something to place tremendous value on. Different people cherish different things...so that's really a decision for you to make.

 

I don't think President Clinton cherishes recieving oral sex from Monica Lewinsky. But I do think he cherishes Hillary not bashing him with a frying pan.

 

2. Is it something positive for our relationship?

 

I think so. It sort of moved it forward a bit. But there are people who have absolutely wonderful relationships who have been married 50 years where there has never, ever been oral sex. Oral sex is not an essential ingredient in a relationship. But in your case, since it was a degree of intimacy you had never achieved, it was positive for YOUR relationship...yes.

 

3. Does that mean she really love me like she said she does, for giving me that considering that our relationship is only few months old?

 

I think you can do everything from giving each other oral sex to having intercourse to her sticking her fingers in your ear and it is not an indication that she loves you. Almost everything in the world can be done between man and woman without the presence of romantic love.

 

I don't know if she's old enough to really know what love is. Maybe so. But you can bet no woman is going to stick a guy's penis in his mouth and swish it around for a while without her being pretty darned fond of the guy...unless she has some sort of psychological need for oral gratification at any expense. I think this is at least an indication of fondness.

 

4. Since you told me that I don't need to apologize to her for nagging and convincing her about looking and touching her private part, but I did apologize before I got to read your reply, is that ok or will it have any negative effect?

 

I wouldn't give it another thought. Apologizing for things that don't need an apology is not so bad as long as you don't make a big deal of it. I do it sometimes but along the way I have learned to do less of it. I usually only apologize if I'm certain I've hurt or inconvenienced somebody. I don't think you did that to her. You asked a legitimate question and got a legitimate answer.

 

Don't press her anymore on the subject. Just let her "open up" to it herself.

 

You need to stop obsessing about this stuff and just enjoy your adventures with this girl. Don't press her for anything, just let things take their course. If you worry too much about this you'll ruin things for her and for yourself.

 

I will tell you with a female, if you show them you really care for them in other ways...outside the realm of sex...they are lots more likely to open up and lot more quickly in the sex department. Sex is an extension of the wonderful feelings they have for you in many other ways. Just be a romantic guy, take her places, show an interest in her, listen to her, and magic will happen if you are really sincere in doing those things.