Hugging

[JewelD]

I hug people all the time. I used to hug my grandmothers, my friends, my bf's, but I never really hugged my mother like that when I lived at home. She wasn't a very hands-on affectionate type of mother. I remember times where I tried to hug her and get affection, but it was very awkward. So I guess I just got used to it. The only time she really touched me (that I can remember) was to either talk about my weight or do my hair. Or a spanking of course.

 

We don't have the worst or the best relationship now. She and my sis are bff's, im kind of just off to the side. She rarely visits me (im in grad school) and I don't visit home because there's no room for me and she's not very pleasant when I'm there.

 

She came to visit today and wanted to hug, but I really just didn't want to. I wasn't exactly mad at her over anything, it just feels weird as hell to me. Probably how she felt when I was younger and used to try to hug her. I love her, but now that I'm older and used to the non-affection, I really don't want it anymore.

 

Of course she took offense and is now in a bad mood. Maybe I'm just a person who doesn't want to show my feelings through physical touching. I don't think there's a way to explain that to anybody without them thinking you hate them. Which is not the truth.

 

Anybody else experiences something like this? and not just not wanting to hug your aunt who smells like beer and corn chips. Like legit feeling uncomfortable about it.

[Tayla]

hmmmm... you seem to be okay with hugging . So lets just agree that with your mom, it was not an established way to extend greet or bid good byes. Since you seem uncomfortable with it, find a way that works for you both. My Aunt does this cute wink and toss's a kiss ... its her signature way of casting fondness. Reckon there are other ways of getting the message across.

 

I also get creeped out with certain physical contact be it relatives or not.

 

Consider this a wake up call that your mom is putting forth an effort. As a parent I know how it feels to be shunned or put off when our kids get uneasy, yet we must respect boundaries for one another.