Would a woman giving her date or friend a back massage be taken the wrong way?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

This question is for the guys but I also welcome responses from the cool ladies on here as well.

 

Like, if a guy was on a date with a woman that he really liked, or if he was hangin' out with a platonic female bud of his and she offered to give him a neck and back massage (while he's sitting up but leaning over a table or desk) - and ALL it ended up being was a genuine neck and back massage to relax him and to make his tension go away, would he/could he take that the wrong way?

 

Would he think that she was just using the massage as an excuse to touch him? Or would he think that she was massaging him as a way for it to 'lead to other things'?

 

Or would he take it for what it was at that time, and just enjoy the moment without making any assumptions or jumping to any conclusions?! And, what kind of thoughts would he be thinking while she was massaging his neck and back muscles? Would he just be enjoying the soothing relaxation of it in that moment, or would other things be running through his mind that would/could possibly distract him from the main purpose of the massage (muscle relaxation)?

 

Just curious. Thanks.

 

 

 

 

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[Bubberfly]

I think any kind of a massage is kind of an intimate/flirty thing. I personally only do this for family or guys I'm dating.

 

I would assume most guys would be thinking, "Is she into me? Yah, she's totally into me."

[jay1983]

Well, I've had a platonic friend offer me a message, actually start rubbing my back without even asking me. Yes she was trying to feel me up, in hopes I touch her back.

 

Yes, I'd definitely take it the wrong way.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I think any kind of a massage is kind of an intimate/flirty thing. I personally only do this for family or guys I'm dating.

 

I would assume most guys would be thinking, "Is she into me? Yah, she's totally into me."

 

Hmm, that's what I thought. I guess there's no real way to do this as a favor and as a way of expressing a caring feeling/emotion for a guy without him thinking that the woman doing it has other intentions behind it. That's a shame. So, it'll be something that I'll never do for any guy that I'm dating or who I've known for a while who looks like he'd want a massage or seems to need one. I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea from it!

 

 

@Jay1983: So, because of what happened with your platonic friend, you would assume that any other woman who offered you a neck and/or back massage would only have intentions of touching you or wanting something sexual out of it?

 

 

 

 

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[jay1983]

Well buddy, if I wasn't attracted to you, I wouldn't offer to rub your neck. So yeah, I would assume just that.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

It has been my experience that any woman who wants to touch me enough to give a massage is interested in me. I would definitely assume much from a massage.

 

Okay, I can understand that. But, what if her interest was in sincerely making you feel better, especially if you were experiencing discomfort and tension from a sore neck and/or back? Are you saying that a woman couldn't offer to massage you from a purely platonic standpoint because she cares about you? And are you also saying that you would be reluctant for her to do it or you'd downright refuse it because you'd think she had ulterior/sexual/attraction motives for wanting to do that for you?

 

I'm not asking these questions to start an argument or disagreement I'm just genuinely curious about how the male brain ticks.

 

 

 

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[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Oh, I'd let just about any woman give me a massage. There is a difference between allowing a massage and me having sex with, or having a relationship with a woman. I have had platonic female friends give me a massage before, and in each and every case, they were women I either ended up getting physical with, or I knew they wanted to.

 

A lot of female friends will try to do something nice for me, but the ones who do so through touching...they're into me. Must be the awesome balls

 

HA!!!! Let me just tell you lol.....when I read your response in that other thread, I almost spit out my Orange Crush hahaa:laugh: You're something else, aren't ya?!

 

Okay then, from what I've gathered from your response, it seems like you (personally) wouldn't be able to accept a back massage from a platonic friend only for what it was, because you would automatically assume that she was 'into you' sexually/physically. Got it.

 

 

 

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[Grumpybutfun]

For men, touch is something reserved for sex or romance. Amongst ourselves we don't do a lot of communicating with each other through touch unless it's competitive or aggressive or funny like play fighting, etc. Being married and having daughters opened up a whole new world for me in caring touch. Our minds don't work like yours.... If you care for someone touch is perfectly acceptable whereas we have been conditioned that if it isn't family or a love or sex interest, do not touch.

This is one of the reasons men get so much of their emotional needs met through intimacy and sex. It's reserved in our minds for that...

Hope this made sense,

G

[jay1983]

Okay then, from what I've gathered from your response, it seems like you (personally) wouldn't be able to accept a back massage from a platonic friend only for what it was, because you would automatically assume that she was 'into you' sexually/physically. Got it.

 

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he'd be right too.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I'm something, alright. What that is, no one has been able to tell me yet. Happy to make you smile though!

 

 

 

I would accept it, and I might not act on any assumptions I made based on that massage. I can't imagine any bigger green light than a woman giving me a massage though. A good massage from a pretty girl is great stuff.

 

Hehe, your GF has her hands full with you! After I read the last part of your post, I didn't fully understand it until I read Grumpybutfun's post - and then it all made sense. It's interesting that I now have a basic understanding about how a guy's thought processes works!

 

 

@Grumpybutfun: Thanks SO much for your post. Seriously. It really made things clearer for me. I guess as a woman, I'm so used to being touched and touching others in a caring way without thinking it has a sexual/physical connotation to it (when it involves guys).

 

@Jay1983: Yes, he'd be right in your opinion. I'm sure there's at least a few guys out there on this planet that wouldn't take a neck and/or back massage in the same context that you, Enigma and Grumpy do. At least, I hope so!

 

 

 

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[jay1983]

Well nothing applies to everybody, of course there's some people who wouldn't take it that way and they'll post here soon. The internet is the best way to find people with opinions like that.

 

Make a thread asking how many gals like guys who try and get them in bed on the first date and you'll get at least 3 who'll tell you they don't mind.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Well nothing applies to everybody, of course there's some people who wouldn't take it that way and they'll post here soon. The internet is the best way to find people with opinions like that.

 

Make a thread asking how many gals like guys who try and get them in bed on the first date and you'll get at least 3 who'll tell you they don't mind.

 

Well, I'm sure there are a LOT of threads on LS that are like that lol. Also, I'm sure with the way a lot of women are these days, there will be a LOT more than '3' women who will say they don't mind if a guy tries to get them to have sex with them on the first date! (yuk:sick: )

 

I see what you're saying though. Thanks for your input.

 

 

 

 

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[S_A]

My GF used to give back/shoulder rubs to her co-workers at her old job all the time. Most of them were guys and they'd bug her for it. Don't think they took it her willingness to help them the wrong way because I feel like they must have known that my GF wasn't going to cheat on me or leave me.

 

Personally, it didn't bother me either. She's given me a lot of shoulder rubs and back massages, too. She's extremely good so I can't blame her co-workers bugging her for them lol. I've learned a lot from her doing me and I'd say I'm probably better than her now, which works to her benefit

 

I think how the guy interprets the massage depends on how you go about it. You just do the massage all sensually etc. Perform it like it's "business". Perform it like your sole objective is to seek and destroy knots. Setting could matter, too. My GF was doing them in the very public lunch room. I'd personally have no probs giving a female platonic friend a back/shoulder rub. Sometimes you just need to melt that knot away, y'know?

 

With all that said, I think in most cases, the guy will think you are totally into them.

Edited July 19, 2015 by S_A

[jen1447]

This question is for the guys but I also welcome responses from the cool ladies on here as well.

 

Like, if a guy was on a date with a woman that he really liked, or if he was hangin' out with a platonic female bud of his and she offered to give him a neck and back massage (while he's sitting up but leaning over a table or desk) - and ALL it ended up being was a genuine neck and back massage to relax him and to make his tension go away, would he/could he take that the wrong way?

 

Would he think that she was just using the massage as an excuse to touch him? Or would he think that she was massaging him as a way for it to 'lead to other things'?

 

Or would he take it for what it was at that time, and just enjoy the moment without making any assumptions or jumping to any conclusions?! And, what kind of thoughts would he be thinking while she was massaging his neck and back muscles? Would he just be enjoying the soothing relaxation of it in that moment, or would other things be running through his mind that would/could possibly distract him from the main purpose of the massage (muscle relaxation)?

 

Just curious. Thanks.

 

 

 

 

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I don't speak for guys Bopz but my guess is that generally they'd see it as sexual. I think there are some caveats tho.

 

Forex, if you offered a massage to a guy you've know platonically for 10 years, I think it'd be less likely that he'd jump to the conclusion you want to bang it out right away after. Also, in my case, I could give a guy I'm not in an R with a massage and not have it taken sexually bc of how I'd telegraph it. Ppl rarely misunderstand me lol, and I have 'authority,' so few liberties are ever taken or assumed and I don't leave a lot of wiggle room to begin with. So in that sense, to some extent the way it's received could be conditioned by the giver. (And not necessarily explicitly either - I wouldn't say "don't assume this is sexual," they'd just know by the look on my face, the fact that they know I don't invite randoms to bang it out, my sexuality/history, etc.)

[S_A]

Of course they bugged her for it. Once she has shown she will do it, they will keep barking up the same tree. Even though they might believe she won't leave you for them, they are just taking what they can get. In her case, it's a back/shoulder rub.

 

This reminds me of a conversation I had with a female friend of mine. We were finishing up the semester of school, and every guy saying goodbye to her went in for a hug. She told me she didn't really feel like hugging all of them, and wondered why they kept hugging her. I told her it's because they wanted her big boobs to rub against them, but they weren't man enough to come out and say that, so they settled for what they thought they could get...a hug. She then went in for a hug on me

 

Anyone who thinks guys won't take this stuff sexual in any way, watch how guys act around one another. We don't go around rubbing one another's backs. It's that feminine touch we want.

 

I think you're right. But she'd give them in large part because it made her feel like "the s***". She likes feeling like "the s***". We ALL like feeling like "the s***". Don't get me wrong, very hetero girls asked her for them, too.

 

I honestly perceived the whole thing as being really weird, and I have a pretty high tolerance for "weird" before declaring something as weird.

Edited July 19, 2015 by S_A

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I appreciate ALL of the responses to my thread thus far. And I like how at least some of the posters understand where I'm coming from. But at the same time, I understand what the rest of the posters mean.

 

Based on the consensus of these posts, I'm going to take it that most guys would take my caring and concern for their physical well being in the absolute WRONG way...so, I'm going to take heed of that for future reference; I'll NEVER ever offer a neck and/or back massage to anyone of the male persuasion...because I NEVER want a guy to mistake my caring and genuine intentions to alleviate his muscular discomfort for anything sexual or inappropriate!

 

I'm sure glad I posted this thread. The guy in question that I'm growing to like and was going to offer this to will NEVER receive my offer. Ever.

 

 

 

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[SpiralOut]

I don't give a guy a massage unless I am into him. Even if you have no romantic or sexual intentions, a massage is still an intimate act. How else is he supposed to interpret it? So far as I'm concerned, massage = foreplay.

Edited July 21, 2015 by SpiralOut

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I don't give a guy a massage unless I am into him. Even if you have no romantic or sexual intentions, a massage is still an intimate act. How else is he supposed to interpret it? So far as I'm concerned, massage = foreplay.

 

Really?! Ewww. If I ever considered a neck and/or back massage as 'foreplay' to everyone I've ever done that for, that would seriously make me feel extremely NAUSEOUS.

 

I guess a back massage definitely means different things to different people!!!

 

 

 

 

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[S_A]

Really?! Ewww. If I ever considered a neck and/or back massage as 'foreplay' to everyone I've ever done that for, that would seriously make me feel extremely NAUSEOUS.

 

I guess a back massage definitely means different things to different people!!!

 

 

 

 

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Gotta be honest with you Black, after an hour of massaging my GF I can't help but get aroused. It might be because she has high pain tolerance in general (what chick doesn't, right) and I get to be REALLY rough with her. I mean, she has me dial it up.

 

I'd honestly do it every day.

[jen1447]

I have to say it's a little ironic that after you get into a romantic R, you can give and receive massages that don't have to be sexual. My BF gives me massages forex that while intimate and enjoyable and maybe a bit sexual-ish, don't result in sex of any kind. They're mainly just massages.

 

But I think the laying-on of hands does imply a certain degree of intimacy that naturally puts it in the same orbit as other more obvious forms of sexual contact.