DRAGONFLIES Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 I am 27 years old and a single mother of three, well used to be four. My husband at the time murdered my son by sufficating him. Since then I have divorced him and he is in jail serving only a 20 year sentence. But anyway, now I am seeing a man that treats me and my children like gold. I've known him for 12 years and we have been a couple for 8 months. He asked me to marry him. I said no! I have trust issues, oviously, and don't know how to get over them. I really love my boyfriend, but i'm plainly scared to put my children around anyone again. How on earth do you learn to trust someone after you trusted someone already and they break your trust to such an extreme? Link to post Share on other sites
Artscrafter Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 I'm sorry to hear about your son. At the risk of sounding like a clichéd advice columnist, you might want to seek counseling for your trust issues. This sounds like a much deeper problem than anyone on this board can help you through by ourselves. Meanwhile, have you discussed these issues with your boyfriend? If not, he has a right to know why you are hesitant to marry him. You should tell him at least that you are dealing with trust issues, if not necessarily why. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DRAGONFLIES Posted May 4, 2005 Author Share Posted May 4, 2005 i need to set this straight. i do get counseling. so do my children. It's not helping. All they do is ask are you ok and then hand you a script they think will knock you out so you dont think any more. So for those of you who do not know, this is what counseling gets you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DRAGONFLIES Posted May 4, 2005 Author Share Posted May 4, 2005 Oh yeah! i have told my bf about everything. why i said no, why i have my issues and why I love him too. He's been great through all my issues! I am asking how to get over the issue of trust. Link to post Share on other sites
st8toftheheart Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by DRAGONFLIES i need to set this straight. i do get counseling. so do my children. It's not helping. All they do is ask are you ok and then hand you a script they think will knock you out so you dont think any more. So for those of you who do not know, this is what counseling gets you. Not all counsellors have the same approach. I have trust issues, as well as alot of self esteem issues and stress management issues(panic attacks). After years of going to counselling with no real gain, I changed counsellors by happenstance by taking advantage of a program they have here at work, and voila, progress. You have a right to be happy. The unfortunate thing is no one is going to give it to you. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Recently, I looked into hypnotherapy and I have known a few people who have done it and it has helped to heal some incredibly DEEP issues. I looked into it because I have trust issues also, which leads to fear, insecurities, etc, etc... You have obviously experienced a great trauma and from my experience, there are very few counsellors who have a genuine sense of compassion and understanding, especially in something so horrific as yours. It took me a few counselors to find one that was really suitable to me. And I knew from the first session that she was right for me because of the compassion and understanding I felt from her. I later learned that she has lost not one, but TWO husbands, one to cancer and one in a devastating plane crash. And still, she continued to genuinely smile. I really believe that what one has been through and truly learned from is what determines the level of compassion and understanding they can really experience. Good luck and I hope you will at least consider looking for a better counsellor. One that leaves you feeling at least a little better after each visit. ((((((hugs)))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
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