Gf keeps falling asleep on the few nights we spend together.

[MissBee]

You've gotten lots of great responses already.

 

But I'll reiterate that she clearly passes out because she is tired. It's not like you come home and she deliberately says "Goodnight, I'm off to bed now" so you can interpret is as her deliberately deciding to go to bed early and not spend time with you or have sex. You say you often go to dinner and do stuff then when you get home she falls asleep next to you while cuddling, so to be fair, you have spent time together during dinner and such before she falls asleep when she gets home WHILE with you.

 

I don't think it's fair to be mad at someone for being tired and falling asleep. I do get the disappointment, yes, but perhaps talking through with her on ways to reorganize how you spend time together might help. You say you spend Friday-Sunday together? I was confused about this,because if say you're sleeping over on the weekends, it shouldn't be such a big deal if she falls asleep Friday night if you're gonna be together Saturday morning and all day Saturday and Sunday.

 

While I've never been in a situation where it happens regularly, I've definitely had times in relationships where either he or I fell asleep early. I've been the disappointed one wanting to have sex and my guy is knocked out. All I do is cover him up or wake him up to come to bed as he must be genuinely tired to just knock out...and you know what? 9/10 times we have morning sex when he wakes up. Have you guys tried morning sex on the nights she falls asleep?

 

Count your blessings though, in the grand scheme of relationship problems this doesn't seem to be a big one at all and seems fairly easily remedied and workable. One weekend you should plan a relaxing getaway where you both are waited on hand and foot and only have to focus on each other.

Edited July 19, 2015 by MissBee

[preraph]

As someone who needs more sleep than most due to sleep disturbances, I will tell you that I would never keep living with anyone who tried to wake me up when they got up or kept me awake on purpose. I wouldn't try it.

[Qboro90]

You've gotten lots of great responses already.

 

But I'll reiterate that she clearly passes out because she is tired. It's not like you come home and she deliberately says "Goodnight, I'm off to bed now" so you can interpret is as her deliberately deciding to go to bed early and not spend time with you or have sex. You say you often go to dinner and do stuff then when you get home she falls asleep next to you while cuddling, so to be fair, you have spent time together during dinner and such before she falls asleep when she gets home WHILE with you.

 

I don't think it's fair to be mad at someone for being tired and falling asleep. I do get the disappointment, yes, but perhaps talking through with her on ways to reorganize how you spend time together might help. You say you spend Friday-Sunday together? I was confused about this,because if say you're sleeping over on the weekends, it shouldn't be such a big deal if she falls asleep Friday night if you're gonna be together Saturday morning and all day Saturday and Sunday.

 

While I've never been in a situation where it happens regularly, I've definitely had times in relationships where either he or I fell asleep early. I've been the disappointed one wanting to have sex and my guy is knocked out. All I do is cover him up or wake him up to come to bed as he must be genuinely tired to just knock out...and you know what? 9/10 times we have morning sex when he wakes up. Have you guys tried morning sex on the nights she falls asleep?

 

Count your blessings though, in the grand scheme of relationship problems this doesn't seem to be a big one at all and seems fairly easily remedied and workable. One weekend you should plan a relaxing getaway where you both are waited on hand and foot and only have to focus on each other.

 

 

Appreciate the reply, just to address your suggestions. We are both in our mid twenties living at home and each have "traditional" parents so out of respect for them we don't sleep at one another's houses regularly. Every once in a while we will or if we've been out drinking we'll spend the night together rather than driving home. When we do have sex it's phenomenal so obviously I look forward to it. Mon-Thursday we're both saying how we can't wait to see one another and how excited she is for Friday night to come. Then on Friday night and I'm sitting in bed holding a comatose girlfriend I'm just like "damnit wtf!?" Lol. This isn't anything that's threatening the relationship or as one commenter rambled on about feminism. More of a rude and semi inconsiderate thing for her to do in my mind. Yes I know she's working hard and I'm so proud of her for that. But we are both adults and capable of staying awake an additional hour if that means getting to have sex or just having that extra hour of time together.

 

Once again thank you for all your replies, I'm going to try some of the suggestions that were made and see what happens .

[eye of the storm]

I agree with most of the suggestions. The best one to me is as soon as she/you walk in the door...get it done. LOL There have been times when my guy walks in the door and he just grabs me. It has caused a few scorched dinners but we both had smiles.

 

 

It is good that she is that relaxed with you. Be happy she is comfortable with you. You can't have a relationship that is constant fireworks. Everyone needs peace too. It is a give and take, it is ebb and flow. Calm quiet contentment and explosive passion.

 

 

Good luck.

[anna121]

I'm curious why you can only have sex at certain times if it's all at your parent's places anyway? Because it seems to me that having sex first would be the obvious move.

 

I thought the suggestion above about occasionally getting a hotel was great, too.

[Qboro90]

I'm curious why you can only have sex at certain times if it's all at your parent's places anyway? Because it seems to me that having sex first would be the obvious move.

 

I thought the suggestion above about occasionally getting a hotel was great, too.

 

 

Not sure I understand...Why can we only have sex at certain times is your question? We both live at home still... So if she comes over at 7pm I'm not going to just rip her clothes off and have sex in my room while my parents are watching tv in the living room lol. That wouldn't be appropriate.

[regine_phalange]

This is the reason a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend. They loved and still love each other but it was a relationship that was more comfortable (in a good way) than passionate. They're still good friends.

 

And I had a boyfriend who always stayed awake until late when alone but when we were together he was able to sleep earlier. But he always slept after we had fun, talked, walked, ate.. Sometimes I was the one feeling really sleepy in weekends because of hectic schedule. But I know that if I push myself to stay awake for half an hour, then the sleepiness goes away for a while.

 

Also, how about when she has a day off that she takes a nap in the midday/afternoon? This can be very helpful if you want to spend a nice late evening with your significant other.

[m.snow]

your gf is probably just exhausted being a nurse and all

take it from me, being a nurse is physically and mentally exhausting. specially if your new in a staff position. it will get better as you get higher up.

Edited July 20, 2015 by m.snow

[Els]

This all is fine with me as i know we are both working hard to save as much money as possible so that this time next year we can get a house.

 

-------

 

I guess I just want her to be able to stay up long enough so we could have sex if I'm being honest. We both still live at home with our families so doing it before/earlier in the day/or the following morning is out of the question. If she stayed up till 1030/11pm that's all needed to have sex. Once that's over go right to bed, no problem.

 

I'm doing everything I can to speed up the process of getting a place to live together. She's got student loans to pay off so I'm doing most of the saving right now for both of us which I'm totally ok with and want to do. "Just move out already" isn't the advice I need for this. Trust me I'm trying as fast as I can.

 

Based on what you said (saving to 'get' a house), it sounds like you are trying to go straight from living with your parents to buying a house, without ever renting. That is a totally valid choice and up to both of you. But you should know that when you prioritize saving money above everything else (including living independently), then there are things you have to forgo. Sex might be one of them.

 

There are plenty of solutions to your problem - she cuts back on the overtime so she is less tired, or one of you moves out and rents a place before you can afford to buy, etc etc. Yes, all of them come at the expense of money. But life is all about tradeoffs. What you shouldn't be doing is what you're doing right now - keeping things exactly as they are while putting the blame on your gf. She's likely sleep-deprived and tired, and it's quite reasonable that she would fall asleep while cuddling after a long day.

 

If you absolutely cannot bear the thought of making any changes that might cost you money like renting a place of your own, then perhaps consider staying out with her until 10pm before coming home. Go out on date night, watch a movie, have drinks or dessert after dinner. Then come back after mom and dad are asleep, have sex, and fall asleep after.

 

But really you should consider moving out, especially as you are in your mid 20s with a full-time job.

Edited July 20, 2015 by Elswyth

[BlueIris]

Not sure I understand...Why can we only have sex at certain times is your question? We both live at home still... So if she comes over at 7pm I'm not going to just rip her clothes off and have sex in my room while my parents are watching tv in the living room lol. That wouldn't be appropriate.

 

I agree with the previous suggestion to rent an apartment of your own now.

 

Also, I think it's a bad idea to buy a house with someone without having lived on your own for a few years and not being married first. Financial ties ARE the essence of marriage, and splitting up is not easy when you own a house together. I can not understand why so many people are doing this these days. So, rent an apartment now and when you two want to live together, live together in the apartment before you start entering huge financial obligations together. Also, she might feel less pressure to be working her tail off if your plans to buy a house together weren't hovering above.

[waterwoman]

I don't think your parents are going to object to you going straight to your room when she gets there. Pop head round living room door 'Hi Mr and Mrs QBoro. How are you doing. See you later' and then pop up to your room. Unless your parents are very naive I am sure they know you're having a sexual relationship. However I suggest you avoid shagging in front of the TV until you have your own place....

 

I am a lark H is a nightowl. I cannot stay awake after about 10.30 pm. Or at least I can but am about as much use a chocolate teapot. It was like this when I was younger and is even more so now after 3 kids and with a full time job. H doesn't function that well in the early morning. So we compromise with early evening - lock on bedroom door is useful - and weekend mornings. We sometimes manage late nights but I don't particularly enjoy it as I just want to sleep usually. Best of all is a precious say off together when we can just go to bed and stay there for hours!

 

Your embarrassment about having sex during the daytime does not trump your exhausted GFs need for sleep.

[anna121]

Not sure I understand...Why can we only have sex at certain times is your question? We both live at home still... So if she comes over at 7pm I'm not going to just rip her clothes off and have sex in my room while my parents are watching tv in the living room lol. That wouldn't be appropriate.

 

If you are dependent on your parents being asleep to have sex then that is already a pretty big restriction. I can understand that that might be part of your comfort level (also depending on the layout of the house) but it just is. Add in your gf's schedule and it looks like inconsistent sex is likely to be a part of the deal given your living situation.

[preraph]

I understand the logistics of doing it right when she gets home but I don't think that's a good time for her. She's exhausted. She needs a good night's sleep and then maybe in the morning she'll be feeling it.

[GemmaUK]

When I was seriously exhausted work and caring for my Dad wise we would book time when I got home to get sexy.

He was happy. I was happy and I could happily fall asleep at 9pm on the sofa with him while he watched a film.

 

There may well be half an hour when no one is home - they're out shopping or whatever - take all of those opportunities! Talk about them so she knows you want her when you can get away with it.

 

We would go for dinner at his mum's on a Sunday before we lived together and um..stop in the park on the way home... :

[waterwoman]

We would go for dinner at his mum's on a Sunday before we lived together and um..stop in the park on the way home... :

 

Ah yes, the joys of sex en plein air! Much underrated Helps if you live in the countryside mind you,

[WasOtherWoman]

I am one of those people who needs nine hours, since I get up early in the morning to work out, I am generally asleep by 8 or 9.

 

When I was single, all of my ex's used to whine about me falling asleep, blah blah blah.

 

My husband, being the smart man that he is, lets me fall asleep whenever I need to. In return, I generally wake him up in the morning and show my gratitude for my good night's sleep.

 

Don't try to change her.... she may always fall asleep this early. I have been early to bed pretty much my entire life. She may be also. If you love her, work through it.

Edited July 20, 2015 by WasOtherWoman
typo

[S_A]

Ok guys... Wow. 13 likes for my response! That's easily a record for me me! You all have me checking the forum often just to see if I get any more likes lol. You all really know how to make a guy feel like a valued contributor

 

Do I owe any of you head or something?

[WasOtherWoman]

And sex AFTER eating??? Yeah... not so much. Much nicer on an empty stomach.

[S_A]

And sex AFTER eating??? Yeah... not so much. Much nicer on an empty stomach.

 

Wow someone that agrees with me. Sex after eating is nasty. I mean I can eat before, yeah, but a an actual meal. If I snacked on like fruits or small sandwhich then no problem.

 

I mean who would run 5 miles after eating a meal? You can't. Sex is no different.

[Qboro90]

Based on what you said (saving to 'get' a house), it sounds like you are trying to go straight from living with your parents to buying a house, without ever renting. That is a totally valid choice and up to both of you. But you should know that when you prioritize saving money above everything else (including living independently), then there are things you have to forgo. Sex might be one of them.

 

There are plenty of solutions to your problem - she cuts back on the overtime so she is less tired, or one of you moves out and rents a place before you can afford to buy, etc etc. Yes, all of them come at the expense of money. But life is all about tradeoffs. What you shouldn't be doing is what you're doing right now - keeping things exactly as they are while putting the blame on your gf. She's likely sleep-deprived and tired, and it's quite reasonable that she would fall asleep while cuddling after a long day.

 

If you absolutely cannot bear the thought of making any changes that might cost you money like renting a place of your own, then perhaps consider staying out with her until 10pm before coming home. Go out on date night, watch a movie, have drinks or dessert after dinner. Then come back after mom and dad are asleep, have sex, and fall asleep after.

 

But really you should consider moving out, especially as you are in your mid 20s with a full-time job.

 

 

You made some good/fair points, some of which I've considered but overall I agree there will be a trade off no matter what. I wouldn't say that I "blame her" as I've said in my previous posts I adore her and just want to get the passion fulfillment after a week of build up so when she sleeps it's a bit of a drag.

 

The going out and coming back after 10 is a good idea, will try to do this more.

 

As far as moving out... I know I know I know! Lol it's not as easy as it looks. Especially when you live in NYC which is where me and my gf are both from. If I lived in Colorado or Iowa I would be living in a mansion at this point. Unfortunately the real estate pricing here is absolutely ludacris. It's nearly impossible for anyone to have a place of their own until their late 20's here unless 1. Your parents help you pay for it or 2. You choose to live in an apartment that's the size of a small closet for $1800 a month. Ilook at renting a place like I'm throwing money away that I could save and buy a house with.

 

My gf also was in school the first 3 years of us dating as she went back to get into nursing. Hence I financially paid for everything. Dinners, couple vacations here n there, nights out, etc. while trying to build a career. Now that she's working full time with a great job the moving out process is starting to speed up and it looks like we'll have a place by this time next year. It's the time between then where if we start becoming a once a week or once every 2 weeks sex couple I worry about. Thanks for the suggestions/advice

[danmillar]

Take her to Starbucks.

[Qboro90]

I agree with the previous suggestion to rent an apartment of your own now.

 

Also, I think it's a bad idea to buy a house with someone without having lived on your own for a few years and not being married first. Financial ties ARE the essence of marriage, and splitting up is not easy when you own a house together. I can not understand why so many people are doing this these days. So, rent an apartment now and when you two want to live together, live together in the apartment before you start entering huge financial obligations together. Also, she might feel less pressure to be working her tail off if your plans to buy a house together weren't hovering above.

 

 

 

I understand where you're coming from about living together. Trust me I feel the same way. My gf is a little brainwashed however because she has an older sister who went from living in the same room together straight to living with her husband once they got married. They're perfectly happy and a great couple to be around so she thinks that is normal and doesn't want to waste rent money or time living together so we can figure out if we want to marry one another when we already know that.

 

Believe me if it were up to me I would take a little more time and do those things, but she's getting very very antsy and marriage driven. That's a tale for a separate thread tho, thanks for your advice all.

[katinlc]

I am one of those people who needs nine hours, since I get up early in the morning to work out, I am generally asleep by 8 or 9.

 

When I was single, all of my ex's used to whine about me falling asleep, blah blah blah.

 

My husband, being the smart man that he is, lets me fall asleep whenever I need to. In return, I generally wake him up in the morning and show my gratitude for my good night's sleep.

 

Don't try to change her.... she may always fall asleep this early. I have been early to bed pretty much my entire life. She may be also. If you love her, work through it.

 

This is also me. I start work at 6, so prior to my husband I was in bed by 10 and earlier some nights. Even if I don't work that early, I'm a morning person, not a night person. It's a running joke with my husband that all bets are off after 10pm with me - my body just doesn't do it.

 

 

Do I love or respect him less because I fall asleep? Absolutely not. Just like I don't ask him to bounce out of bed at 7am like I do. I love him and we work through it. Sometimes that means he goes to bed at 9 with me and watches tv, or wakes me up after I've slept a couple of hours. If he had truly gotten upset that I fell asleep on him, we couldn't have stayed together very long. As a matter of fact, I fell asleep on him Saturday night - but I made up for it on Sunday afternoon

[BlueIris]

I understand where you're coming from about living together. Trust me I feel the same way. My gf is a little brainwashed however because she has an older sister who went from living in the same room together straight to living with her husband once they got married. They're perfectly happy and a great couple to be around so she thinks that is normal and doesn't want to waste rent money or time living together so we can figure out if we want to marry one another when we already know that.

 

Believe me if it were up to me I would take a little more time and do those things, but she's getting very very antsy and marriage driven. That's a tale for a separate thread tho, thanks for your advice all.

 

Oh, so you two are engaged and you're going to get married and buy a house together? If that's the case, I see that as normal too. That's what my husband and I did and that's what my daughter and her husband did a couple of years ago. I assumed (incorrectly) that you two were only buying a house together without getting married. I brought it up because I see quite a few people do that with the belief that they're avoiding the financial and emotional commitment of marriage.

 

I think that it's also very normal to be ambitious and hard-working when you're young and getting your careers started. Granted, it is tougher for you to have sex whenever you wish because you're both still living with your parents. Your situation is very much like the way it was when I grew up, and back then we didn't expect to have sex as often as people seem to expect today, until we got married and lived together.

[MissBee]

Appreciate the reply, just to address your suggestions. We are both in our mid twenties living at home and each have "traditional" parents so out of respect for them we don't sleep at one another's houses regularly. Every once in a while we will or if we've been out drinking we'll spend the night together rather than driving home. When we do have sex it's phenomenal so obviously I look forward to it. Mon-Thursday we're both saying how we can't wait to see one another and how excited she is for Friday night to come. Then on Friday night and I'm sitting in bed holding a comatose girlfriend I'm just like "damnit wtf!?" Lol. This isn't anything that's threatening the relationship or as one commenter rambled on about feminism. More of a rude and semi inconsiderate thing for her to do in my mind. Yes I know she's working hard and I'm so proud of her for that. But we are both adults and capable of staying awake an additional hour if that means getting to have sex or just having that extra hour of time together.

 

Once again thank you for all your replies, I'm going to try some of the suggestions that were made and see what happens .

 

I don't think she's being rude or inconsiderate by being tired.

 

But since you all live at home and can't spend the night freely, every once in a while maybe you should rent a hotel room. You both work so once a month or so getting a hotel, even splitting the cost shouldn't be a big deal. If you rent a room for the night or even for the weekend on occasion you won't have to be in a rush to have sex discreetly and can relax and allow her to fall asleep and then you have sex later if she's tired.

 

Having sex at your traditional parents' homes must be a bit awkward anyway so if I were in your shoes I'd definitely set aside a once a month hotel fund at least where my bf and I have date night and spend the night together at a hotel where we can have sex as much as we want or fall asleep and not have sex then have sex in the morning.