Break up because prenup. Am I right?

[2tontom]

Greetings,

 

So tonight my now ex-girlfriend and I split up after 1 year and 7 months of dating. I would like opinions on whether I was wrong to end it. Needless to say, I’m sad it ended.

 

Tension has been building over the past few months. Allow me to elaborate.

 

She is an international student from Vietnam and has been here in the U.S. for the past 6 years. She started in Seattle, WA, later moved to Houston, TX and is now in California (as of October 2013) where we met. We began dating in December 2013 and I knew she was an international student going into the relationship. Very early in the relationship, in fact immediately, she wanted me to enter into a [sham] marriage (in exchange for money should the relationship not work out) to help her obtain a green card. I said no because that is a violation of the law and against my morals. Nor do I need the money. I told her I would only get married when I was ready.

 

We continued dating, hoping we would make progress and enter into a bona fide marriage. However, the pressure to get married for her a green card began shortly and were constant. At around 7 months of dating, she asked what my plans were. Since we were only dating for such a short time, I asked her if she would sign a prenuptial agreement because I was in possession of family assets. She was infuriated and offended by the idea, interpreting it as mistrust. I explained to her that the property was NOT MINE and was that of my family. Therefore, they have a right to want it protected. She accused be of being like “everyone else” who thinks she just wants a green card and my money. She rejected the idea and I called it quits. She came back a week later saying she finally understood why I needed the prenup and wanted to proceed. However, that offer was no longer available since she turned it down the first time. We continued dating

 

Fast forward to this week (around 1 year 7 months in). After she asked me if I was ready to move forward, I decided to make the commitment despite us only dating for roughly 1.6 years and having our fair share of arguments. I was willing to move forward because I loved her. As a compromise, I proposed the idea of a prenuptial agreement again, thinking she changes after the first time. I am searching for a family house using those assets. The rightful owner(s) of those assets want to protect the house should it be purchased after marriage (CA is a community property state). She was again offended by the prenup idea stating I don't trust her. My argument is that the assets are NOT MINE and need to protect it at my family’s request. She complains about me and my pride, ego, etc. Yet she takes offense because my family wants to protect THEIR assets. She argued that she is worth more than any amount of money I held and that I need to assure my family to trust her. Since this was a deal breaker, I ended the relationship.

 

Since then, she informed me that she will be leaving California “soon” (presumably back to Houston) to marry someone who “loves” her and will do “anything” for her.

 

My questions are:

1. Do you think she is a green card hunter?

2. Does she seem to want my family’s money?

3. Was I right for ending the relationship?

[Morphine]

1. Yes

2. Yes

3. Yes

[elaine567]

yes, yes, yes.

 

She hoped your love would eventually be blind and allow her to fleece you.

Sorry.

[Morphine]

You didnt dodge the bullet. You dodged the ****ing missile. Maybe even nuclear weapon. Or big asteroid.

[veggirl]

Of course you did the right thing! Good for you!

[casey.lives]

Family FIRST!!!!

If she was in the right frame of heart she wouldn't contest it.. because soon enough she would be family and given time, things would change and she would naturally become more included. how can an outsider not see protecting said family as a responsible necessity, baffles me.. she should employ more faith in her own "love"

[elaine567]

Family FIRST!!!!

If she was in the right frame of heart she wouldn't contest it.. because soon enough she would be family and given time, things would change and she would naturally become more included. how can an outsider not see protecting said family as a responsible necessity, baffles me.. she should employ more faith in her own "love"

 

My guess is HIS family was not important.

By fleecing him, HER family may have benefited.

[angel.eyes]

OP--

An emphatic yes to all three of your questions. How can she be so in love with you that she's pressuring you to get married (sans prenup), but simultaneously is threatening to go off and marry someone else who will give in to her demands? If you're interchangeable with Joe Schmoe at the altar, it's not about you. It's simply about getting married.

 

When one or both parties have significant assets going into a marriage, you need a prenup. Period.

[candie13]

you are not asking yourself the right questions, and that is worrying.

 

why stay with a person who flat out tells you she needs things from you? Why would you date and trust such a person? How can you think about marrying such a person? it's like... you know she wants you for objective reasons, yet you keep trying and hoping she will want you for emotional reasons. Mate... it either happens or it doesn't... learn to cut your losses and move on much faster.

[pidgeon1010]

YES YES YES. Even if the assets were YOURS ONLY, you have EVERY RIGHT to want to protect it and it is the SMART THING to do. This girl just wants her green card and to wipe you out in the process. Unfortunately, she will find someone gullible to trick.

 

Question- Is she still in school? Do you know if she is currently in status as far as immigration is concerned?

 

Your story is almost identical to a situation my cousin faced. He is financially secure. He met a girl from an Asian country who came here for grad school and was on an F-1 visa. Let me fast forward for you. She got her permanent residency through him. They married about 6 months after they met because she was going to be out of status. Married 4 years and then all of a sudden, she claimed she was not happy and wanted to move back to her home country (a few months after she became a naturalized U.S. citizen) and guess what? She sued him for support. She argued that she was not told she should consult with independent counsel before signing the prenup (he had emails that proved otherwise). Luckily, she didn't get as much as she wanted but still got a nice amount. She is still living in the U.S. and hasn't moved back to her home country (no surprise there).

[KellyBriggs]

Yes, to all your questions.

 

She wanted to take advantage of you. It's a blessing that you ended it now

[2tontom]

YES YES YES. Even if the assets were YOURS ONLY, you have EVERY RIGHT to want to protect it and it is the SMART THING to do. This girl just wants her green card and to wipe you out in the process. Unfortunately, she will find someone gullible to trick.

 

Question- Is she still in school? Do you know if she is currently in status as far as immigration is concerned?

 

Your story is almost identical to a situation my cousin faced. He is financially secure. He met a girl from an Asian country who came here for grad school and was on an F-1 visa. Let me fast forward for you. She got her permanent residency through him. They married about 6 months after they met because she was going to be out of status. Married 4 years and then all of a sudden, she claimed she was not happy and wanted to move back to her home country (a few months after she became a naturalized U.S. citizen) and guess what? She sued him for support. She argued that she was not told she should consult with independent counsel before signing the prenup (he had emails that proved otherwise). Luckily, she didn't get as much as she wanted but still got a nice amount. She is still living in the U.S. and hasn't moved back to her home country (no surprise there).

 

Yes, she has been in community college for the past six years. However, she is technically out of status because she has been working without authorization. She simply doesn't report her employment to the school and they issue her a new Form I-20.

 

I have heard similar stories like that your cousin faced. She has proved to me during our arguments that she will go to great lengths to prove her point. She is very vindictive and callous which is why I insisted on the prenup. I have also seen other coupes divorce and they get extremely nasty when finances become comingled. Though nobody wants a divorce, it is a possibility and I want to ensure there's no questions about who brought what into the marriage IF it ends.

 

Funny thing is my ex tried to manipulate me on several occasions by saying she would pack her bags and return to Vietnam where she doesn't have a future if I don't marry her. It never happened which is not surprising.

[2tontom]

OP--

An emphatic yes to all three of your questions. How can she be so in love with you that she's pressuring you to get married (sans prenup), but simultaneously is threatening to go off and marry someone else who will give in to her demands? If you're interchangeable with Joe Schmoe at the altar, it's not about you. It's simply about getting married.

 

When one or both parties have significant assets going into a marriage, you need a prenup. Period.

 

I've been having the same thoughts. My friends and family say I'm just her stepping stone and she will get rid of me once I'm no longer needed.

[mightycpa]

I think that she actually needs someone who WILL do anything for her. If you truly love her, you should let her go find that sucker.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

1) Yes

2) Probably

3) Yes

 

 

[pidgeon1010]

Yes, she has been in community college for the past six years. However, she is technically out of status because she has been working without authorization. She simply doesn't report her employment to the school and they issue her a new Form I-20.

 

I have heard similar stories like that your cousin faced. She has proved to me during our arguments that she will go to great lengths to prove her point. She is very vindictive and callous which is why I insisted on the prenup. I have also seen other coupes divorce and they get extremely nasty when finances become comingled. Though nobody wants a divorce, it is a possibility and I want to ensure there's no questions about who brought what into the marriage IF it ends.

 

Funny thing is my ex tried to manipulate me on several occasions by saying she would pack her bags and return to Vietnam where she doesn't have a future if I don't marry her. It never happened which is not surprising.

 

6 years so I am guessing her F1-visa is expired or nearing expiration. Even though she has a valid I-20, she can't leave the country because if her visa is expired, she would need to get a new visa in her home country to reenter the U.S. She is looking to lock someone in and get them to marry her soon because once she graduates, her only option is to get OPT which only is for a set duration of time (usually one year) or find someone to marry her so she can stay forever. She is on the prowl for that someone and also get some of your assets while she's at it. I don't think that's the last you've heard from her, especially if she doesn't meet someone to marry.