The duty to "pay back" to my parents - already?

[redheaded-squirrel]

Hello everyone,

 

recently I have visited my parents for a few weeks and I have seen how they struggle with managing 5 companies with dozens of employees...Since I live in a different country most of the year, I never get the opportunity to see how hard it is and how little free time they have...

 

Now, this feeling of being a useless money-sucker (is that a word?!) and the duty to "pay back" kicked in. My university tuition is sky-high and I have 3 more years until I finish uni (I have to go to grad school right after undergrad), plus I have a little sister and they support both of us, as well as the kind of living standard they are used to. But it is getting increasingly stressful - you have to do more business activities, have more firms just in order to maintain the income you've had, because taxes are rising etc. etc.

 

Of course they have employees, but they are never as loyal to the companies as my parents (the owners) are...and I see that they desperately need help, loyal help, not another bunch of strangers...My dad oversees everything and he desperately needs a trustworthy deputy, but only I - their daughter - can do it in a way they do it themselves. No employee would ever be so loyal to the family business as a family member, that's a fact.

 

I feel like I must help them, despite the fact that they would never ask me to, because they want me to concentrate on school...but I FEEL like I must help, because they have paid for everything and still are, they raised me in wealth...

 

On the other hand, I fear that I will not be able to cut the ties when the time comes. They are in an industry I never wished to work in, I want to work in diplomacy and I am hoping that parents will sell the companies once they reach retirement age (in 13 yrs or so). I feel this duty to help, as a payback for what they've been doing for the past 22 yrs and what I am endlessly grateful for...but I fear that kind of involvement with the family business, because then you become irreplaceable after some time. I want to lead a totally separate life, because if family business taught me something, it is "never to have a family business."

 

Do you think I (or children in general) have such duties, to (not literally) pay their parents back? When? Did you do sth similar? I am looking for some unbiased foid for thought from you all on this, because right now I would even quit school to help them (they won't let me to, but that's how much I want to help) but I fear that I might regret getting involved once I do...I just don't want to mess this up or give them false hopes that I would take over the firms, because I will not...but yeah, feel free to offer your views on this, please!

[RainDown]

You sound like a wonderful daughter, a daughter most of us parents would love to have.

 

I hear your sincere desire to help your parents and I think that's admirable. All I can do is offer you a parent's perspective.

 

I also have a daughter in uni, and pay all her expenses. I view it as my responsibility as a parent to continue to support my daughter until she is educated and situated in a position to support herself. I see it as my job to worry about all that - not hers. I want her to focus on her studies, and become the young woman she wants to be, without the stress of worrying about me.

 

My daughter sometimes expresses her worry to me abut my having to juggle and prioritize so many things in order to keep her in school, and her concern for me, in itself, makes me so very proud of her.

 

If you were my daughter, I would tell you that I'm proud of your desire to help and I love you for it, but my wish is for you to continue your studies and allow me to help you forge your way in the world. It's my gift to you.

[Radu]

My parents also had a business, and i met many ppl who had their own business.

It's not really something you quit at retirement age, because you will get bored.

It is also your baby, and in time you want to protect it.

 

Just as well, if you leave right now, you will have wasted the money you set aside for it.

 

They did what they did to give you this opportunity, and while you may feel guilt over the silver spoon, you are on a path [no matter how financially useless it is].

If you go back and try to 'feel better' you will seriously damage your future and their sacrifice; if you stay where you are and continue being the pricess, at least you will brought something to fruition for both you and them.

[Els]

IMO the best way you can 'pay them back' at this stage is to study hard, graduate ASAP, and then offer to help with the bills if you can afford it later. From your post, I'm guessing you and your sister are studying abroad, hence the sky-high tuition fees (for international students). Can you imagine how they'd feel if you quit and forfeited all the fees they had already paid, to go back home and back to square one? No parent worth their salt would want that.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

You don't owe Big Daddy & Co. anything but honesty & respect. You have zero obligations to become involved in the family business. It's your life, not theirs.

[preraph]

I think most parents want to give their children better than they had and that they will understand if you pursue your own dreams rather than follow in their footsteps. Maybe they just need to tweak some HR policies to get more dedicated employees, or maybe it's just a business no one could love, but I think there are people out there who will give their best to whatever position they take. I certainly know people like that and used to be one myself, though now I have seen that it isn't always rewarded and have seen to myself a bit more.